Now Rolling: Grand Theft Auto Online’s Lowriders Update

Lowriders are something to do with Marmite, as I understand it, so I’m delighted that Rockstar have dedicated an entire Grand Theft Auto Online [official site] update to this sterling British toast topping. Launched today, the Lowriders update adds loads of new ways to customise cars, which I assume include making them look like Marmite jars. You’ll also find a fourth purchasable property, new clothes, hairstyles, and accessories, extra missions, and other jazz.

Rockstar say:

“Deck out your engine block with covers and air filters, coat your interiors with velour, leather and patterns, choose custom colors and designs for your dials, or add a new steering wheel and custom shift levers. Give your ride lift with hydraulics – the more powerful the pumps, the higher you can bounce. And boost your stereo’s performance with new speakers and subs in the back.

“Then, meet up with friends and fellow car enthusiasts to show off your new rides – use the Player Interaction Menu while inside or outside the car to open up the vehicle doors, hood and trunk, switch on the engine to flash your neons and bump your favorite radio station for all to admire.”

Talk of hydraulics gives me flashbacks to that rubbish Dance Dance Revolution car-bouncing minigame from GTA: San Andreas, which I remember getting stuck on in one missions. I do hope one upgrade is a toaster slot to cook toast in your throbbing engine then slather it with butter and Marmite. Man oh man, it must almost be lunchtime.

Are any of you still playing Grand Theft Auto Online? Hackers running amok seems a bigger problem than – I can’t believe I’m saying this – a lack of delicious Marmite. Anyway, have a trailer showing new things from this update:

My Steam has just finished downloading the 1.6GB update, so it should be on its way to you too. It must suck to have a slow or metered Internet connection with downloads like this for optional modes.

18 Comments

  1. Spacewalk says:

  2. thelastpointer says:

    Oh, how I hated the dancing and lowrider missions in San Andreas. I screwed them up more times than I had to follow the damn train.

  3. anHorse says:

    Really lost interest in GTA online.

    The problem with these 4 man co-op games is that they only work if you have that exact number of people who want to play. When you have a group of 6 you end up with 2 people just being unable to ever play.

    • LexW1 says:

      It’s mystifying that designers seem clinically incapable of coming up with a solution for parties in games other than “YOU MUST HAVE EXACTLY THE RIGHT NUMBER OF PEOPLE! EXACTLY!”, except in Diablo-style ARPGs, where they just scale it.

      Why other games can’t scale things, or have NPCs who can at least perform the basic necessary functions, remains completely unclear. What’s particularly obnoxious is that the actual experience of “You must have exactly X people!” games just isn’t meaningfully better than the scaling games. If it was, we’d have a reason, but…

  4. Kirudub says:

    Pfft. Anyone who’s anyone knows that air bags beat hydros (don’t need a trunk full of batteries in parallel)… although, yes, air bags can’t make cars hop, I’ll give you that.

  5. MiniMatt says:

    I always knew Alice was a good’un and not one of those Marmite hating heathens.

  6. Myrdinn says:

    Logged in yesterday. Saw a guy spawn explosions all around the map. Logged out. Sorry Rock*.

  7. Darkz0r says:

    I’m interested in the new missions…finally they added some!

  8. Kollega says:

    It keeps amazing me how much care and polish and attention to detail Rockstar can summon for a subject matter as vapid as the 90s LA “gangsta culture” – and how big a budget they must spend on it. As one Soviet joke goes, “with that kinda money I’d bury all the Central Committies!”

  9. hungrycookpot says:

    There are hackers for sure, but they don’t really bother that much. I’ve seen more entertaining scenarios than I have annoying ones, if you get sick of the antics you just join another instance. It’s not really the type of game where someone else can ruin your game, you lose nearly no money on death and you’re always free to leave.

  10. Laurentius says:

    I don’t get GTA:Online hate tbh. Sure I get it’s not everyone cup of tea, that goes without saying. I’m playing it a lot and it is ton of fun, even yesterday I joined some random cool people and we did Pacific Standard heist. Sure you will get moron and/or hackers but thsi happen I can alwayes hide in solo mode and have LS for myself. I don’t know, every multiplayer game I played in recent years have some morons in their community but it’s minority, be it Battlefield3 or Guild Wars 2, my experience with GTA5:Online is no different.

  11. Premium User Badge

    DelrueOfDetroit says:

    I was unaware that the definition of sterling was “the most foul substance placed in a jar.”

  12. Siimon says:

    I still play GTA:O from time to time, and each time I wish there was more to do in the main open world than just RDM. Some sort of missions to do in the open world, something to strive for. This Lowrider update adds something to utterly useless to a game that is sorely lacking in something useful.

    Most of the Heist missions were either glitched, super repetetive, or had a couple of the players be useless ride-a-longs that weren’t needed to complete the mission and whose only purpose was to die, making the mission restart. But if those Heist missions were actually a little different each you played them? If they allow for some more flow, for better player interaction and co-operation, if they didn’t instantly fail because one bad player kept dying… Man I loved the idea of Heists.

    Instead of making silly Lowrider updates, why not turn the open world into something useful? The last update that added events at least tried. Yeah, they were glitchy as crap in the start and most of them were pretty boring and actually made players avoid each other rather than draw them together like “drive for the longest without crashing” or “fly the furthest while being low to the ground” were pretty boring after doing them once, especially as there isn’t really a way to catch up to the leading player if they get a head start or you mess up. Many of them were so short that most players wouldn’t even have time to get to the event before it was over, and the events were pretty far inbetween… But at least they tried. Lowriders contributes nothing in my book.

  13. MaverickZer0 says:

    1.6gb?
    Mine was 2.7!

  14. racccoon says:

    If it ain’t lowriders its bikes, but I think I’d prefer the bikes. Bikes demand a far greater skill in riding in the game, alas though…I ain’t re installing it for this..

  15. Lt. Technus says:

    It really makes me mad when Rockstar does this. On steam this update is 14.6 GB, and I have very slow internet (around 3Mbps per second because of where I live). So now I get to wait literally 12 hours, as the download time said, to be able to play GTA 5 because of an update that i’m not at all interested in. I mean really, all I do is play LSPDFR offline. Thank you to Rockstar for once again showing just how much thought you put into this stuff. Had the update been optional, I could’ve just downloaded it when I was ready, but if they had done that, knowing how money hungry Rockstar is, they would’ve forced you to download it anyways because it would’ve only been free for a short period. As you can probably tell I don’t really like how completely incompetent Rockstar tends to sometimes act at handling GTA 5. I basically only play GTA 5 because of LSPDFR.