The Park [official site] is a spin-off horror walk-o-story set inside Atlantic Island Park, a haunted fairground where now a mother has lost her young son. Don’t get your hopes up, lady. But you, dear reader, perhaps cock an eyebrow at its spooking potential, as The Park opened its gates this afternoon.
Funcom’s first single-player game in yonks, The Park is a short horror game. It’l take an hour or two, they say. Lorraine will be wandering around Atlantic Island Park, having a go on some of its spooky rides, poking at things, and yelling “Callum!” a whole lot (yelling is a thing you can do). Personally, if I were searching for a child lost in a spooky theme park, I’d yell something more practical and reassuring like “I’M NOT A GHOST, NOT LIKE THOSE OTHERS” or “I’M YOUR REAL MOTHER” or “COME OUT, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!” and maybe warble nursery rhymes and cackle a lot. I understand children need constant reassurement and enjoy laughter.
Here’s how well I know children: visiting someone in hospital recently with my niece, I told the monkey that hospitals cut off misbehaving children’s fingers. When the little pickle persisted in trying to climb out a fifth-floor window, I asked a passing nurse for “a pair of those special scissors you have to cut off naughty children’s fingers” and, after a brief flash of shock, she – bless her beautiful heart – deadpanned “Yes, absolutely, I’ll fetch some now.” Once my niece had cried all the tears out her wee body, she settled down wonderfully. So yes, I know all about children. Aunt of the year, me.
Anyway! The Park is £7.69 on Steam at the moment. It also gives you an outfit and a few items to wear in The Secret World, if you’re into it. Here’s The Park’s launch trailer: