Have You Played… Realistic Kissing Simulator?

Have You Played? is an endless stream of game recommendations. One a day, every day of the year, perhaps for all time.

Kissing? Yeah, I know all about that. I’ve done the best types of kisses. Done them real good. The kiss where you lick their eyeball? Yeah, I’ve done that. The kiss with your tongue up their nose? 100%. The kiss where you lick your own eyeball? Nobody does it better. Yep, as a certified kisspert – did I mention before that I’ve definitely kissed a real not-hand person? because I have – I can confirm that Realistic Kissing Simulator [official site] is the real deal. Have you played it?

Like all kisses, Realistic Kissing Simulator’s start with an invitation to kiss followed by consenting. It’s made for two players, though I suppose you could also play both parts of the kiss yourself – not that I know anything about that malarkey.

It’s a free silly physics game with prehensile tongues each controlled by two keys, jamming in out out of mouths, pushing against lips, rolling down under chins, and curling up nose. Kissing is difficult, let me tell you, but even the mistakes can be real good fun for both of you.

Yeah, I know all about the kisses. When we showed Realistic Kissing Simulator at a Wild Rumpus, it was in a shed I’d converted to a romantic love cabin. Just like real kissing.

Actually, I do have a great kissing tip. Y’know how kissers inadvertently open their eyes a teensy bit every so often? Next time you’re kissing, open your eyes wiiide and stare into their closed lids then wait. When their eyes briefly flick open and see you staring, they will be HORRIFIED and you will LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH. Yeah, everyone wants to kiss me.


  1. thelastdonut says:

    oh jeez lmao

  2. sear says:

    As someone with almost zero hands-on experience in this field, how convincing is the simulation? Is it an adequate substitute?

    • Hmm-Hmm. says:

      Of course it is, that is how all humans kiss! *cough*

    • Noc says:

      I mean, obviously it incorporates abstractions and simplifications: as you can see from the screenshot, for instance, it simulates kissing in two dimensions and real kisses are in three.

      It also doesn’t simulate breathing: in real life, it is important to strategize how and when you take breaths and through which orifice. So, there are definitely compromises made for the sake of fun and accessibility, but I feel that overall it captures the challenges and experiences of kissing fairly well.

      I would recommend looking up kissing techniques while you play, however; though the basic controls are very well communicated, there’s no tutorial and if you aren’t already familiar with the principles involved you can easily find yourself lost with only nominal control of your tongue. But they have to keep SOME realism, I guess, haha!

      • Premium User Badge

        DelrueOfDetroit says:

        Speak for yourself. I kiss in 4 dimensions.


      • LionsPhil says:

        Figures it’d be dumbed-down from 8-bit-era masterpiece Fred Dinenage’s International World Of Kissing.

      • baozi says:

        it is important to strategize how and when you take breaths and through which orifice

        easy, just breathe through your butt, like everyone else

  3. Premium User Badge

    Bluerps says:

    I played this by myself. It was the saddest game ever. :(

    • Monggerel says:

      I played this by myself and had no significant emotional reaction one way or the other.

    • Premium User Badge

      particlese says:

      I played this by myself ages ago. I was not aroused. >_>

  4. c-Row says:

    If there ever was a game made for a Cunnilingus DLC it’s this one.

  5. ansionnach says:

    Doesn’t look like the most popular game out there. Certainly doesn’t appeal to me. Pretty much have no interest in kissing unless I have a lot of interest… and this usually stems from knowing someone very well. Probably an unusual way to be no matter the era but we can’t all be the same! Even the screenshot above is off-putting. Not that I’m shy about public displays of affection (quite the contrary)… but… but… other people… the graphics look ugly – yeah, that’s it!

  6. JFS says:

    I have, and what a strange game it was. Just like the real thing.