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Have You Played... Realistic Kissing Simulator?

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Have You Played? is an endless stream of game recommendations. One a day, every day of the year, perhaps for all time.

Kissing? Yeah, I know all about that. I’ve done the best types of kisses. Done them real good. The kiss where you lick their eyeball? Yeah, I’ve done that. The kiss with your tongue up their nose? 100%. The kiss where you lick your own eyeball? Nobody does it better. Yep, as a certified kisspert – did I mention before that I’ve definitely kissed a real not-hand person? because I have – I can confirm that Realistic Kissing Simulator [official site] is the real deal. Have you played it?

Like all kisses, Realistic Kissing Simulator’s start with an invitation to kiss followed by consenting. It’s made for two players, though I suppose you could also play both parts of the kiss yourself – not that I know anything about that malarkey.

It’s a free silly physics game with prehensile tongues each controlled by two keys, jamming in out out of mouths, pushing against lips, rolling down under chins, and curling up nose. Kissing is difficult, let me tell you, but even the mistakes can be real good fun for both of you.

Yeah, I know all about the kisses. When we showed Realistic Kissing Simulator at a Wild Rumpus, it was in a shed I’d converted to a romantic love cabin. Just like real kissing.

Actually, I do have a great kissing tip. Y’know how kissers inadvertently open their eyes a teensy bit every so often? Next time you’re kissing, open your eyes wiiide and stare into their closed lids then wait. When their eyes briefly flick open and see you staring, they will be HORRIFIED and you will LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH. Yeah, everyone wants to kiss me.

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Alice O'Connor

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When not writing news, Alice may be found in the sea.

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