Star Wars Battlefront DLC Season Pass & Misc. Lies

Star Wars Battlefront [official site] may be stomping out this week with all the AT-ATs and TIE fighters and Skywalking your young heart could dream of, but I’m sure the question your longing for an answer to is: what’ll be coming as DLC after launch? I know your type. Can’t get enough of that DLC, you. “Mad for it,” as they say in Manchester. Hold your horses, you DLC delinquents! I’ll tell you all about Battlefront’s £40 DLC Season Pass. Well. Mostly what I imagine is in it.

EA announced the Season Pass in October, but mostly said it’d get you four expansions, and two weeks’ early access to expansions as they come out. They have now backed that up with numbers. What sort of numbers? These: 4 more playable heroes and villains; over 20 “pieces of galactic tech including weapons, vehicles, and Star Cards”; 16 multiplayer maps; 4 new game modes. That’s not much use without more info, so I’ve done a little digging to uncover the truth.

Four new heroes and villains? Easy: Max the bunny, Simon the Killer Ewok, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (yes, as a villain!), and the Sith Lord Jar Jar Binks. If you’re reading this, Ian Electronic Arts, no, I’m not breaking embargo here: that’s plain old-fashioned journalistic ferreting (I spend a lot of time in DICE’s bins).

I couldn’t put together a full list of the extra tech, but I can confirm the presence of a jizz-box, a jizz, and the Clak Beepbox. How does that come together with rumours that jizz-wailer is a secret neutral class in Battlefront? I couldn’t possibly tell. Oh, and those Star Cards? Yes, you will get to potato-print your very own Life Day cards.

I can’t find a full list of the new maps either, but know they include three variants of Mos Eisley as well as, curiously, a post-obliteration (spoiler alert!) Alderaan.

Lastly, those four new game modes will be Hide & Seek, Ice Hockey, Minecraft, and Drawing Out RPS Posts.

Star Wars Battlefront is out in North America on Tuesday, but won’t hit Europe until Thursday. We’re a lot closer than 12 parsecs, Ian EA. That’s a Star Wars joke. I’m disgusted that cultural osmosis means I know so much about a series I’m broadly indifferent to. Commence primary ignition and blow me away.

26 Comments

  1. Bull0 says:

    “You sound like a festerin’ jizz-box. I got a festerin’ jizz-box right over there in that corner.”

    Marvellous.

    • Geebs says:

      I’d like to go to the cantina more often, but I’m getting on a bit and I’ve already had an earful of jizz.

      These days I prefer to head into my workshop and take a wrench to my Bollux

  2. Elliot Lannigan says:

    Sign me up for post-obliteration Alderaan. My first Star Wars “novel” was the Young Jedi Knights one called “Shards of Alderaan” in which the Solo kids and their friends go exploring in the remains of the planet, and end up finding Boba Fett for some strange reason that I don’t remember. Sure, it wasn’t the best writing in retrospect, but I was 12 or 13 and it was just so incredible to have free access to more Star Wars stories without having to even leave my bed. Such happy memories.

    • gunny1993 says:

      “Boba Fett for some reason and not very good writing” pretty much sums up most of the Star Wars (ex) extended universe … although some of the series were rather excellent, I think Legacy of The Force hit a sweet spot … been a while long time since I read it though.

  3. trappski says:

    What, no nerf-herding game-mode? Well then this i a no-go for me.

  4. Themadcow says:

    I’d hoped for more jizz tbh

  5. Premium User Badge

    jythanatos says:

    I seriously thought you had a Stroke halfway through the article… Until I clicked on the links provided.

    • Erayos says:

      When I saw all those links I was wondering what happened here too, then I read the Jar Jar theory and all the other links, this is amazing stuff.

  6. Perjoss says:

    40 quid? We can buy a full game for that. I’ll give them 2 quid now and another 15 when all the DLC is out.

    • garythehobo says:

      but who’s gonna play it kid? You?

      • JFS says:

        I’m not too bad at playing!

        • garythehobo says:

          Playing games ain’t like reading websites, boy! Without precise hardware we could crash right to desktop or bounce too close to below 30fps, and that’d end your game real quick wouldn’t it.

    • GWOP says:

      Do you know that you smell of rainbows?

  7. FurryLippedSquid says:

    That screenshot looks like an awesome sequel to Galactic Battlegrounds.

    • EhexT says:

      More like an awesome sequel to Force Commander (aka Imperial Officer Simulator).

  8. tonicer says:

    Meh … i would buy it immediately if it had:

    – server files
    – an SDK
    – half decent bots on my self hosted server with any map/gamemode
    – no unlocks

    Basically all the things that BF1&2 have, minus the SDK. (BF1&2 didn’t have an SDK afaik)

  9. secuda says:

    Han solo shot jar jar first, palpatine sap him while Luke finish him of with his lightsaber.

  10. Punning Pundit says:

    General +1 of this whole post plus comment section. Well done. 10/10. Would read again.