Not everyone can be The Big Cheese, and every gangster movie in the world shows the terrible fate befalling anyone who tries. So give up. Accept that you’re just another brick in the wall, another cog in the machine, another putz put on this beautiful green Earth to make a richer person’s life easier. Relax. It’s fine. Hey, I’m right there with you buddy. Let’s accept our fate. Let’s stop trying. Let’s embrace that futility. Let’s fill our entire lives with it. Let’s – you and me – get virtual jobs as bodyguards for richer players in Grand Theft Auto Online [official site].
Now the ‘Executives and Other Criminals’ update is here, players with more than $1 million can declare themselves ‘VIPs’ and found an organisation then hire up to three other players as bodyguards. This’ll let you all play new modes with battles between organisations, and gives bonuses as well as access to vehicles like a limo with a minigun turret but, well, always read the small print. Rockstar explain:
“Joining an Organization as a Bodyguard has the advantage of delivering a periodic salary of GTA$5,000, as well as bringing in additional cash and RP for taking on VIP Work and VIP Challenges that occur within Freemode. However, any cash winnings earned by an employed Bodyguard while not working for the Organization (such as completing Freemode Events or other Freemode activities like Bounties or Hold Ups) goes to the VIP. Bodyguards also enjoy additional benefits including accelerated health regeneration, frequent RP bonuses and stat boosts when in the vicinity of the VIP.”
Always be wary of contracts stating that anything you do or create in your personal time becomes company property.
Also for high-rollers, the update adds new homes on stilts in the Vinewood Hills, new penthouse apartments, and flipping giant ‘super yachts’ upgradeable with a helipad and bar and hot tub and good grief I’ll never have one myself. Maybe… if I work extra hard for my VIP? I can climb that ladder, I know it.
I’ve just checked, and my GTA Online character has $101 (but a comfy leather jacket).