The Second RPS Christmas Cracker

***** The RPS team are currently in their winter hibernation state and will return on 4th January. In the meantime we didn’t want you to think we’d forgotten about you or the supporter program so we have hand-crafted a selection of the Bestest Best RPS Cracker Jokes. It’s also our way of giving you the “reveal” moment that we had to take out of this year’s advent calendar. We’ve made these posts open to all. Whether you celebrate or not we hope they raise a smile. Love, RPS xxx *****

Q: Why do Adam Jensen’s family always keep the receipt for his Christmas present?

A: He didn’t ask for this.

38 Comments

Top comments

  1. Trillby says:

    When it seemed like half the internet was trying to organise lynch mobs for game journalists, I was right there defending you all. Putting my own twitter account on the line against the hordes of idiots.

    Now I wish I'd just let them string you all up - these jokes are unbearable.
  1. DizzyCriminal says:

    Please can the new year start already, we’ve only had two of these and I cant take it anymore =O

    • Baring says:

      I happen to think they’re great ;)

      • zxcasdqwecat says:

        They are littering the streets with “UUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”‘s

      • DizzyCriminal says:

        They’re good the same way the fatty bit of a steak is good. It’s definitely bad and to say otherwise is false, but you’re going to enjoy it while no one is looking and feel bad about it afterwards.

      • thedosbox says:

        Indeed. It’s almost like Kieron is back.

  2. Premium User Badge

    Oakreef says:

    Um I think there’s something wrong with my christmas cracker there wasn’t even a little paper hat in it????

  3. quietone says:

    Medic!

  4. Trillby says:

    When it seemed like half the internet was trying to organise lynch mobs for game journalists, I was right there defending you all. Putting my own twitter account on the line against the hordes of idiots.

    Now I wish I’d just let them string you all up – these jokes are unbearable.

  5. Spakkenkhrist says:

    What a shame.

  6. Freud says:

    Why did Geralt help the old lady over the street?

    He’s a gwentleman.

  7. caff says:

    These jokes are not very illuminati-ing.

    • Geebs says:

      Yeah, that one crossed a lemon-lime

      • Darth Gangrel says:

        They’ll need more than their vision augmented, because people didn’t get that one.

  8. Jac says:

    I spill my drink

  9. Premium User Badge

    Henke says:

    A BOMB!

  10. Fomorian1988 says:

    Mm, so bad. Keep ’em coming.

  11. Cropduster says:

    BACK OF THE NET!

  12. Premium User Badge

    yhancik says:

    It really feels like a xmas family dinner, now

  13. guygodbois00 says:

    That cracked me up.

  14. Vandelay says:

    I have given money to RPS and helped fund these things!

    I am deeply, deeply sorry to everybody that has been effected by these jokes and for my part in ruining this Christmas for all of you.

  15. Minglefingler says:

    A farmer took his young son out on the tractor one day and the young lad became obsessed with tractors as a result. He had a tractor duvet, tractor wallpaper, even a tractor calender.
    When the boy became a teenager his father grew concerned at this mania so one night gave his son £30 and sent him to a local nightclub.
    After this tractors were forgotten and the boy was out every weekend chasing women and getting drunk. One day he was driving home with his girlfriend when he saw that a barn was on fire, the fire brigade was extinguishing the blaze but there was so much smoke the animals inside would surely die.
    The boy jumped out of his car, ran over to the barn and inhaled deeply, sucking all of the smoke into his lungs.
    His girlfriend was amazed. “How did you do that?”
    “Well,” he said, “it’s a bit embarrassing but I’m an ex- tractor fan.”

  16. Rao Dao Zao says:

    You old kidder!

  17. Mi-24 says:

    Also last year they got him a mirror and, well…

    I suggest they give him the number of a good anger management therapist before even considering more delicate objects (and that mirror was so crap; it didn’t even reflect things, just look shiny)

  18. ZippyLemon says:

    I cried with laughter without even clicking through.

    Does anyone seriously hate “bad” jokes? I find them to be an art in themselves, yet it seems people believe they’re supposed to groan and so they do, unquestioningly.

    You’re all sheep. Merry Christmas.

    • Bugamn says:

      I think the groaning is a way to hide the fact that they wish they had come with those jokes.

  19. Mi-24 says:

    Merry Christmas RPS, thanks for a year of great articles!