Free Loaders: Infinite Monkeys On Infinite Amstrads

It’s Boxing Day. I know tradition holds that we all fight to the death over the leftovers from yesterday’s pagan feast, atop the long-table, in full view of our clansmen and clanswomen. But let’s take a moment to appreciate that, while the rest of us are throwing bones at one another and plotting various tribal coups and possibly some patricide, there are people out there still making free games. May the winter gods bless them, and may they fight like demons on the table.

Infinite Monkey Autocorrect by andyman404

Crowd-sourced attempt to recreate the ‘infinite monkeys with typewriters’ theory “if it had a commercially-biased autocorrect”. Type with your left monkeyhand with left shift, and your right monkeyhand with right shift (hint: make sure to turn off sticky keys aka. the bane of all videogames). When you are ready to submit your manuscript hold down both keys. All the manuscripts completed thus far are being collected into this txt document. You can see my effort above. It has a preoccupation with poop and stars Vin Diesel. This is the result of a ‘Clone Jam’ for Nathalie Lawhead, developer and human Flash animation. A game jam that was unjustly overshadowed by the monstrous insurrectionists of Ludum Dare.

Romance Choice by Peter Javidpour and Ricky Jonsson, Jr

“Uncanny dating simulator”. Pick your lover, male or female, dress them how you like and make sensual or romantic chit-chat to them as they discuss their worries, desires and joys. There is absolutely nothing to be worried about in this dating simulator. There is certainly no underlining sense of horror or mistrust, if that’s what you are thinking. I dressed my hot date in a fetching buttoned shirt and he was very happy to talk to me openly and sincerely. He definitely did not start to develop graphical twitches, or exhibit any signs of ill health or give me any other reason for concern. He enjoyed his date with me. I think I will see him again some time.

Longest Night by Infinite Fall

Star-gazing campfire friendship time. This is a re-working of an original prototype made a couple of years ago by the creators of Night in the Woods, as a kind of precursor to their upcoming animal homecoming adventure. Join the dots in the sky to hear the story behind the 13 constellations. So far NITW has struck me as a game of tempered hipsterism (just look at all those cute fonts, listen to that tinkly music). That doesn’t bother me so much, I like the kind of quiet storytelling it is going for, the art and the chilled, minimalist dialogue. But I know people who will roll over on a bed of glass to turn their heads away from this. To them I say: That’s fine. BE LIKE THAT.

Error Prone by Peter Cardwell-Gardner and Mark Backler

26-player traffic jam misadventure. Each letter key controls a car in a subtle spiraling line of traffic. All players must use the same keyboard in an attempt to cover as much ground as possible without crashing into each other. Obviously, this game is propaganda for Big Automation. The only method of covering the most ground in the allotted time is simply to leave the cars alone and let them drive themselves.

Full Metal Democracy by Sébastien Bénard

Top points for game title. Stop the spread of an alien expansion with the full force of democratic interventionism (ie. giant quadruped mechs armed with rocket launchers). Two mechs are at your disposal – one for destroying the little creeps and one for dealing with bigger creeps. The baddies spread like slimey ant colonies over the map. Stop these creeps! (Democratically)

IF CORNER!

The Eldritch Teller by Arielle Grimes

We all remember the Eldritch Teller from our childhood wunderscreen marathons. Who could forget that wafting purple glow of the screen? The taste of static? The low hum of possibility? The Eldritch Teller sent us on so many great adventures as children. But each of us came into the scholastic baths the next day with different memories of the night’s tale. Where did the Teller broadcast from, we wondered. But that was a long time ago, I guess. Looking back, it’s all a nostalgia-fueled blur. I wonder what the Eldritch Teller would divine today…

What have you got in your coat there? It’s a free game, isn’t it! Hand it over! Give it to @Brendy_C, right now! Need more free games? Check our list of 50 best free games on PC.

24 Comments

  1. Thirith says:

    Night in the Woods is lovely. The writing, the atmosphere. Anyone who avoids it because of LOLhipsterz!!! is missing out on something. It won’t be for everyone, but then, what is?

    Small caveat: I stand by everything I’ve just written, but I’m the kinda guy who hasn’t fallen for Life Is Strange (which I find pretty uneven and sometimes downright dire in terms of the writing), which people around here seem to love, so YMMV.

    • Faxmachinen says:

      As far as I can tell, Night in the Woods has not been released yet. Are you referring to an early access version, or Lost Constellation and/or Longest Night?

      • Thirith says:

        Sorry, yes. Lost Constellation. Silly, confused me. If their artistry hasn’t abandoned them, though, Longest Night’s likely to be a winner

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          Aerothorn says:

          Longest Night predated Lost Constellation (this is just a surprising “with new text!” version of the 2013 game jam game) so even if they somehow lost their way this would still be good :)

    • Spakkenkhrist says:

      It’s a really nice short game, and the music is fantastic.

  2. TheAngriestHobo says:

    IIRC, Error Prone was designed by Google to demonstrate how human direction is inferior to AI direction when it comes to controlling a vehicle in a traffic system. It’s part of the debate on the legalization and regulation of self-driving cars. I am totally behind this kind of propaganda, because self-driving cars are an awesome invention and I want one I want one I want one.

    • GWOP says:

      Do you want Skynet? Because that’s how you get Skynet.

      • LionsPhil says:

        Yes. It’s one of the few extinction-level events that promises to remove troublesome humans from even the most stubborn cracks and crevices.

        • TheAngriestHobo says:

          I now plan on writing a screenplay based on this very scenario. My working title is “The Toyota Matrix: Reloaded”.

        • HERP DERP NANOMACHINES says:

          You obviously have no idea what you’re talking about. “it” is not an “event”, you sound like a victim of fantastical hollywood movies.

          There are hundreds of different kinds of AIs that all have their risks, SKYNET is what ignorant fools are afraid of.

      • NephilimNexus says:

        Machines good. People bad.

    • Xerophyte says:

      Less Google and more the Swedish Transport Administration according to the homepage. I dunno: it’s both a very good piece of propaganda because coordinated flock movement is a huge advantage for self-driving cars and a bad piece of propaganda because actual cars have non-binary acceleration and can handle manually driving smoothly in a circle.

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      DelrueOfDetroit says:

      About a week ago in my area a group of people were instructed by Google maps to drive onto a frozen lake and they had to bail out when their van started going through.

      So yeah, no not yet.

      • Premium User Badge

        Aerothorn says:

        While this is a massive failure of google maps and your point holds in terms of cars that automatically offroad, I would like to point out that the people who said “yes, I will drive my van on a frozen lake because Google Maps said to” are at least somewhat to blame :)

  3. Amstrad says:

    It’s me! I’m relevant!

  4. All is Well says:

    Error prone is (probably unintentionally) hilarious as a pro-self driving cars statement. Try causing an accident and then switching to another tab, leaving the game running in the background. It’s less “Autonomous cars are good!” and more “Autonomous cars are good, but the system collapses completely when faced with unpredicted interaction”.

  5. TomMassey250 says:

    It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times?!

  6. Puppies says:

    Xbox one controller saw.. Banananana big bad banana the banana is erect the floors are bananas banananana bad to the banana ooh ooh ahh ahh monkey doo squish big fro frog pfm

  7. FeralAlien says:

    There is no escape.
    k There is no escape.
    called against There is no escape.
    k There is no escape.
    K exported.. Eememeleditededited edited.