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Free Loaders: Infinite Monkeys On Infinite Amstrads

The week's best free games

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It’s Boxing Day. I know tradition holds that we all fight to the death over the leftovers from yesterday’s pagan feast, atop the long-table, in full view of our clansmen and clanswomen. But let’s take a moment to appreciate that, while the rest of us are throwing bones at one another and plotting various tribal coups and possibly some patricide, there are people out there still making free games. May the winter gods bless them, and may they fight like demons on the table.

Infinite Monkey Autocorrect by andyman404

Crowd-sourced attempt to recreate the ‘infinite monkeys with typewriters’ theory “if it had a commercially-biased autocorrect”. Type with your left monkeyhand with left shift, and your right monkeyhand with right shift (hint: make sure to turn off sticky keys aka. the bane of all videogames). When you are ready to submit your manuscript hold down both keys. All the manuscripts completed thus far are being collected into this txt document. You can see my effort above. It has a preoccupation with poop and stars Vin Diesel. This is the result of a ‘Clone Jam’ for Nathalie Lawhead, developer and human Flash animation. A game jam that was unjustly overshadowed by the monstrous insurrectionists of Ludum Dare.

Romance Choice by Peter Javidpour and Ricky Jonsson, Jr

“Uncanny dating simulator”. Pick your lover, male or female, dress them how you like and make sensual or romantic chit-chat to them as they discuss their worries, desires and joys. There is absolutely nothing to be worried about in this dating simulator. There is certainly no underlining sense of horror or mistrust, if that’s what you are thinking. I dressed my hot date in a fetching buttoned shirt and he was very happy to talk to me openly and sincerely. He definitely did not start to develop graphical twitches, or exhibit any signs of ill health or give me any other reason for concern. He enjoyed his date with me. I think I will see him again some time.

Longest Night by Infinite Fall

Star-gazing campfire friendship time. This is a re-working of an original prototype made a couple of years ago by the creators of Night in the Woods, as a kind of precursor to their upcoming animal homecoming adventure. Join the dots in the sky to hear the story behind the 13 constellations. So far NITW has struck me as a game of tempered hipsterism (just look at all those cute fonts, listen to that tinkly music). That doesn’t bother me so much, I like the kind of quiet storytelling it is going for, the art and the chilled, minimalist dialogue. But I know people who will roll over on a bed of glass to turn their heads away from this. To them I say: That’s fine. BE LIKE THAT.

Error Prone by Peter Cardwell-Gardner and Mark Backler

26-player traffic jam misadventure. Each letter key controls a car in a subtle spiraling line of traffic. All players must use the same keyboard in an attempt to cover as much ground as possible without crashing into each other. Obviously, this game is propaganda for Big Automation. The only method of covering the most ground in the allotted time is simply to leave the cars alone and let them drive themselves.

Full Metal Democracy by Sébastien Bénard

Top points for game title. Stop the spread of an alien expansion with the full force of democratic interventionism (ie. giant quadruped mechs armed with rocket launchers). Two mechs are at your disposal – one for destroying the little creeps and one for dealing with bigger creeps. The baddies spread like slimey ant colonies over the map. Stop these creeps! (Democratically)

IF CORNER!

The Eldritch Teller by Arielle Grimes

We all remember the Eldritch Teller from our childhood wunderscreen marathons. Who could forget that wafting purple glow of the screen? The taste of static? The low hum of possibility? The Eldritch Teller sent us on so many great adventures as children. But each of us came into the scholastic baths the next day with different memories of the night’s tale. Where did the Teller broadcast from, we wondered. But that was a long time ago, I guess. Looking back, it’s all a nostalgia-fueled blur. I wonder what the Eldritch Teller would divine today…

What have you got in your coat there? It’s a free game, isn’t it! Hand it over! Give it to @Brendy_C, right now! Need more free games? Check our list of 50 best free games on PC.

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Who am I?

Brendan Caldwell

Staff Writer

Brendan likes all types of games. To him there is wisdom in Crusader Kings 2, valour in Dark Souls, and tragicomedy in Nidhogg.

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