The Sixth RPS Christmas Cracker

***** The RPS team are currently in their winter hibernation state and will return on 4th January. In the meantime we didn’t want you to think we’d forgotten about you or the supporter program so we have hand-crafted a selection of the Bestest Best RPS Cracker Jokes. It’s also our way of giving you the “reveal” moment that we had to take out of this year’s advent calendar. We’ve made these posts open to all. Whether you celebrate or not we hope they raise a smile. Love, RPS xxx *****

I’m having trouble reading this Christmas card from a stealth gameā€¦

Invisible, Inc?

No, the ink’s fine. I’ll get my glasses


  1. lowprices says:


  2. Llewyn says:

    I think most of these should have been published with a signed confession from the guilty party.

  3. Zekiel says:

    These are just dreadful!

  4. zxcasdqwecat says:


  5. Vacuity729 says:

    This is terrible!

  6. caff says:

    I liked this one.

  7. Sarfrin says:

    They’re cracker jokes, they’re meant to be bad. Although I rather liked this one.

  8. Lakshmi says:

    These cracker-level-puns aren’t even redeemed by a paper hat or crappy bit of plastic.

  9. MrFinnishDude says:

    end me now

  10. Replikant says:

    They should come with a warning sign specifying the minimum recommended alcohol intake before reading to prevent long term brain damage and/or sanity loss.

  11. Dorga says:


  12. Fenix says:

    I like how the last sentence doesn’t end with a period, as if the even the writer was too ashamed of finishing the joke and fled the scene before finalization.

  13. ruaidhri.k says:

    Mr biffo and The Man seem to have left digi and camped out here for a few days.

  14. TheAngriestHobo says:

    *somewhere, in the distance, a baby starts to cry*

  15. SuicideKing says:


  16. thedosbox says:

    It makes you groan at how terrible it is, while managing to extract a giggle simultaneously.

    10/10 christmas crackers.

  17. JamesTheNumberless says:

    Unable to resist posting this here, for anyone wondering why Christmas cracker jokes are deliberately awful:

    link to

    tl;dr Humour is not universal, so the theory is that cracker jokes are necessarily bland and awful to maintain the fragile harmony of the Christmas dinner table, by uniting a diverse group of age groups and sensibilities against bad jokes that it is impossible to be offensed by, fail to get, or fail to tell properly.

    • v21v21v21 says:

      from the linked:

      “With charming literalness, Smith called them ‘Bangs of Expectation’.”

      //That// is transcending literalness; going beyond Poetry. Pure. Distilled. Genius.

      “Bangs of Expectation”. Don’t let them happen to you. Until you’re ready.

  18. Viral Frog says:

    I love these terrible jokes. 11/10 Christmas crackers.

  19. Premium User Badge

    Risingson says:

    Why are you english people so proud of the traditions you are most ashamed of?

    • v21v21v21 says:

      I do believe the answer to that is included in the question.

      • v21v21v21 says:

        Making it an, as the Yanks are fond of saying, loaded one.


  20. JBantha says:

    I laughed until the laugh lost meaning.
    This is just the best cracker yet. :)

  21. EKSelenc says:

    No, please, no.

  22. Veeskers says:

    That’s just pointing out the pun that’s already there, to be honest.

  23. Turkey says:

    Huh? Must’ve been nothing.