Free Loaders: Ensign! All Power To Psychotic AI

*gurgle* This is not *gurgle* what I came in here for!

It’s January and that means money is tight. Which makes the recent announcement by Oculus that you can buy their VR headset for £500 even more gag reflexy than expected. £500! Do you know how many free games you could get for that amount of money!? That’s right. Infinity free games.

Computer, Open That Door! by Paul Lawitzki

The Starship Explorer has set course for the next station. As the recently enlightened shipboard computer, you have just 20 jumps to kill all humans on board. Use the ship’s airlocks, radioactive warp drives and superheated engine rooms to kill the crew. Lock them in the bathroom and flood the entire room, like in some sadistic game of FTL. But those crafty humans won’t go down easy. They walk around from room to room and will reset the systems if they notice something dodgy is happening. Still, you can outwit them. I believe in you. Be the murderous spaceship AI you want to see in the world.

New Years 7016 by Connor Sherlock

Bring in the New Year at this upmarket intergalactic restaurant, 5000 years in the future. Nod with casual familiarity to all the relaxing gas-based patrons and listen to the premium melodies of the theremin musician performing upstairs, all in the glare of a distant white dwarf. Everything about this is wonderfully recognisable despite being thousands of years hence and made of shiny rectangles. Couples are dining, a shady group sits in a basement VIP area, the manager is in a back office, kitchen staff hang out behind the scenes and right at the back the toilets come complete with what I assume is the 7016 equivalent of a condom machine. Mysterious, calming and alien, this is an excellent choice for New Year’s revelry. Waiter! I’ll have a glass of Argon please. Yes, I will be sitting alone.

An Evening of Modern Dance by selfsame

Contemporary dance theatre for you and up to three friends. Control your dancer with WASD and other nimble button configurations. Observe the timeless beauty of Dance with a capital D. Watch in awe as the limbs wobble and slam against the floor and walls, as pale, hot bods sway with passion and legs flail with an artistic nuance which is simply unfathomable to pre-post-modernity.  “If the physics glitch out,” says the creator, “you need more dancing practice. ”

Super Sculptor by Michael Shillingburg

Hot on the heels of struggling painter sim Passpartout, comes this not-so-struggling sculptathon! Unleash your inner Hirst by ploppling down skulls everywhere and putting loads of giant, precious diamonds in a big pile in the corner. Stack dozens of contextless television sets on top of one another and then attach twitching eyeballs to them. Are we watching the televisions, or are the televisions WATCHING US? Only art has the answer. Slow time down using the slider on the left and connect lots of moving parts together for added thought provocation. When you are finished, the game will generate a suitable name for you. My forest of coloured halogen light bulbs was dubbed  “The Beauty to the Sensuality”. It received mixed reviews.

Loss of Fluid by Nothke

Crash land as the pilot of a beleaguered cargo plane in a crusty brown landscape. Use the A and D buttons to thrust with either engine and try to find the runway for a safe landing. Reminds me of the helicopter game but with two engines, each of them so superpowered that you need to carefully stagger both simultaneously to head anywhere in a straight line. Tricky to pull off but very satisfying to see the little ambulances and fire trucks speed out to help you upon landing safely. A dangerous piece of seditious software caused by the Juegoterrorists of Ludum Dare.

Children’s Day by James Earl Cox III, Alex Underwood and Colin Matsumoto

Hand-drawn jaunt through an urban sprawl to a relaxing, bumbling soundtrack. Lead the children of the city through the streets with your guitar and simply enjoy as each kid who comes along brings their own new instrument to the mix. Not much to it apart from journeying to the end of the line and back but I like it when small games are built around music, or a single musical idea. The scratchy pencil-drawn city has the feel of an inner-city slum, with all its smudges and scribbles, a contrast that only makes you appreciate the quiet music even more.

Puff Enuff? by bitslap

Two-button shotgunny platformer starring a puff of hopping smoke. You can’t move in any fashion apart from hopping, either left or right. Hit both direction buttons at the same time and you can blast the nearest object with a shotgun shell. Collect enough coins from the chests to gamble between dungeons on the slot machine. Don’t die. Kill all the things. Yet another piece of arcadey shrapnel from the catastrophic free games explosion caused by Ludum Dare.

Wondering how to send Brendan cool free games? He is a gentleman in the streets, freak between the tweets: @Brendy_C. Need more free games? Check our list of 50 best free games on PC.


  1. Andy_Panthro says:

    Computer, open that door! looks rather good. Will definitely give that a go.

    • Arona Daal says:

      Actually thats sounds a lot like this:

      link to

      • Andy_Panthro says:

        Sounds like a much more complex (and multiplayer) version! Looks like it would take a while to learn (especially with the number of possible jobs?).

        Have you got any experience with it?

        • Porkolt says:

          Sure! In point of fact, the AI in ss13 isn’t usually hostile towards the crew, but it happens from time to time. You see, in ss13, every round a number of players are secretly assigned antagonist roles. Depending on the game type (usually picked randomly) these roles can vary between things like sleeper operatives assigned orders to assassinate certain people or steal sensitive equipment, xenomorph infestations (including facehuggers and chestbursters), well-equipped nuclear operatives attempting to blow up the station, all-consuming space blobs and, indeed, malfunctioning AIs.

          I usually describe the game to new players as being like Dwarf Fortress in space, only you play as a dwarf in Fortress mode. Basically, you get assigned a job and do it for the benefit of the station, but then usually everything goes to shit for some reason or other and the station is eventually abandoned.

          It’s also a lot like Dwarf Fortress in that the GUI is extremely clunky, the specifics of systems require study and are non-intuitive, when first playing you will constantly screw up and die for no reason, and there are dozens of mods which all make for a different gaming experience.

          Mods is kind of a big word, I guess. Point is that there are a lot of different servers, and because the game is open source, each server has a different map and different mechanics.

          Recommended servers: or – tgs has more features and more active developers but yog is a little less intense.

    • Ergates_Antius says:

      It’s kind of fun for 5 minutes. Needs more ways to off the crew, and some way of manipulating the crews behaviour (e.g. to lure them into traps). As it is – all the murder traps are on timers, so you’re mostly just waiting for someone to wander into a room that has a “ready” trap. Once you get down to the last few crew members it’s a bit thumb twiddly, waiting for them to go somewhere, or waiting for a meter to fill.

      • Andy_Panthro says:

        Yeah, I’ve played through it twice. It’s nice, and a great concept, but it does feel very limited. I’d happily pay a few quid for a more fleshed out version though (bigger ship, more traps, more ways of directing crew, some sort of ending where the last few crew members try desperately to regain control of the ship).

    • LionsPhil says:

      The concept reminds me of an interactive fiction previously on RPS, possibly in old Live Free Play Hard, where you were a spacestation’s computer repeatedly offing a series of inept captains though terrible malfunction accidents.

  2. Curly Brace says:

    Ooh look, more stuff by Connor Sherlock! He is wot did that fantastically-named game, The Rapture Is Here And You Will Be Forcibly Removed From Your Home. I loved that game, so I imagine New Years 7016 will be quite something too.

    Absolutely recommend TRIHAYWBFRFYH, by the way.

  3. LionsPhil says:

    Loss of Fluid, especially given the name, seems like it’s based on United Airlines Flight 232, which you should totally read about because some of the ways people will grab on to any chance to survive, and the skill of some commercial pilots, are amazing.

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      kfix says:

      Thank you, great story.

    • Phasma Felis says:

      Yeah, I thought of that too! It’s a bad, bad situation to be in. The pilot got a presidential commendation because he managed a landing that only killed about a third of the passengers.

      Play Loss of Fluid, and imagine that 300+ lives depend on how well you do.

    • caff says:

      It’s quite a good lil game – this is the one that held my attention most this week. Good job Brendy!

  4. shevtsov200 says:

    Oh, how clever, it says hi. Now we totally won’t think that it is spam.

  5. says:

    Paul here, co-dev of “Computer, Open That Door!”
    I have to mention that I wasn’t the only developer of the game. It was a colaboration between me and my good friend Ralf Zimmer. Just wanted to give him some credit here :)

  6. FailX says:

    Haven’t played Children’s Day but I feel weird about it. The screenshot in this article is basically coming from the game Beeswing. I can’t see any mention of King Spooner anywhere on the game’s page so it’s odd to see his work simply ripped off… (at least that’s my assumption)