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Have You Played... 'No Spider' Mods?

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Have You Played? is an endless stream of game retrospectives. One a day, every day of the year, perhaps for all time.

If you’re playing a fantasy game, you will inevitably find that some wiseguy has stuffed a cave or forest full of giant spiders. Two thoughts on the devs doing this:

1) Did you even try using your imaginations, you flipping amateurs?
2) WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?

For arachnophobes, mods exist to remove spiders from many games. I’m a big ‘fraidy baby but mostly keep my cool about megaspiders, enough to not use mods myself. I suppose I’m fishing for stories about how you, reader dear, are a bigger ‘fraidy baby.

You could try turning all spiders into bears, I suppose. Spooky bears who hang around webs and egg sacks.

Or consider the System Shock 2 mod which tries to so thoroughly remove the chittering bastards that the author explains they have not only “set the spiders to be destroyed as soon as they are created”, but also “as a safeguard I’ve also set them to be invisible, completely silent, slower then your average dead slug, have one (1) hitpoint, have weapons that make no damage AND they are on the Good team so any other AI’s around will slay them!”

I don’t find that at all comforting, though. Trying so hard to destroy something makes it seem even more powerful and frightful. And what if I grow comfortable I’ll never see spiders then somehow, impossibly, through some strange feat of software, ONE STARTS SCREECHING? No, I’d rather know they’re there.

Or you could… you tell me. Tell me about the mods you’ve used and the times you’ve covered your eyes and the times you’ve screamed. Tell me all of it.

I took a break for a waz in the middle of writing this and my shirt on my back felt like the skittering of three, maybe four fuzzy spiders and it was the worst.

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Alice O'Connor

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When not writing news, Alice may be found in the sea.

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