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Get Up, Come On, Get Down With The Witness

As you might have guessed from all the riotous jokes on Twitter about finding the laser gun in The Witness [official site], about losing the boss battle with the ice wizard on level three, asking how to craft a diamond pickaxe, about unlocking the warp drive, and about the ghost, J. Blo & co’s puzzler came out last night. We’ll be telling you Wot We Think in a bit, but for now here’s a reminder that hey, it is out!

It’s up on Steam for £29.99/$39.99/€36.99, or the Humble Store has it one pound cheaper and DRM-free too. That’s it. It’s out. I ain’t saying nothing else. Half the things I’ve read about it say “DON’T READ THIS BEFORE PLAYING IT” so I’m passing on their shutting-up. Instead, here are a selection of hilarious jokes you may wish to crack on social media to the delight, amusement, admiration, and lust of all.

“No spoilers but: who else spotted STRAIGHT AWAY that ‘The Witness’ is an anagram of ‘Sheen Twist’?”

“Argh! I’m so stuck on this one maze – it’s just a touch too high to rocketjump out of.”

“Has anyone else noticed that if you turn around really quickly, you’ll catch a glimpse of J. Blo lurking in the treeline?”

“The Witness Q: anyone else find the mariachi costume is bugged and doesn’t unlock in New Game+ mode?”

“Really enjoying The Witness but all the Eastenders references are uncomfortably forced imho.”

“Wow! Just finished The Witness! That final song? Epic! Total legend!”

Take ’em. They’re yours. Your cyberchums will declare you a ‘laff riot’!

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Alice O'Connor

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When not writing news, Alice may be found in the sea.

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