The WikiHow Illustration Game [official site] has interrupted my workflow this morning and I think the only way I can recover is by sharing it with as many people as possible. If everyone else is playing it, I can enjoy watching their bewildered reactions rather than shouting exclamations of shock, joy and confusion to myself.
WikiHow illustrations are odd. Taken out of context they’re extremely odd. The game shows you an illustration and then you have to pick between four articles that it might have been pulled from. In ten minutes of playing, I laughed more than I have at the entire career of several high-profile comedians.
I’d foolishly assumed the pictures and possible choices were randomised at first but while the questions you’ll see are picked randomly from a large pool, the overall selection is curated. That makes sense. So many of the possible answers are effective punchlines and the weird nature of the original articles means it’s not always easy to get the answers right.
I’ve been following up on some of the answers by reading the WikiHow page in question. How could I possibly restrain myself when I can learn how to act like Sonic the Hedgehog right now? Here are just some of the tips and warnings:
Now, for the actual acting. You need to create an “image”. Try to be calm, but confident. Always be a role model. Be keen to give advice and help others. Be sure to admit your mistakes.
Don’t assume a swaggering, daunting personality. Sonic is a proud, stubborn hedgehog, but don’t be so inconsiderate in real life.
Don’t attempt any stunts performed by Sonic the Hedgehog seen in the video games, television shows, comic books, etc., as they can lead to the physical injury of yourself or others.
And how do we act like the Doctor from Doctor Who?
Learn different languages. The TARDIS does this for him, but you don’t have one
Best learn how to travel through time and space under your own power as well because the TARDIS does that for him too, as far as I’m aware. You don’t need to explore time and space at all though. As long as you apply electric shocks to people from time to time, or simply knock a few idiots out, you’re well on your way to that doctorate.
The Doctor tries not use harmful weapons, the most deadly thing he usually does is to use his sonic screwdriver on them (of course, his reputation helps a little). No killing required, by all means give them an electric shock and knock them out but don’t harm them. If you feel you may get in a fight, try to talk your way out of it. With practice, you should be able to thwart someone simply by talking to them.
With practice, you should also be able to answer every single one of these WikiHow questions correctly. It’s a user manual for life and it is very important that you know how to do all of these things. Flatulating discreetly, for instance.
Quickly head to the Jacuzzi. Here you can fart unnoticed because of the bubbles that are already there.
Play the game and let us know if you learn how to make compost for houseplants, freeze avocados, or to be mysteriously flexible when keeping in contact with friends and lovers