Make Coffee And Clean Up Dog Poo In L’Employé Parfait

The longest I’ve ever worked in an office is two weeks, and my own form of last-minute panic now involves staring at a blank WordPress document muttering e.g. “oh god I was supposed to finish work 12 minutes ago but I spent all day staring at blank WordPress documents muttering ‘oh god’ so I’ve got so much more to write”, so I was glad to discover how modern officefolk live in L’Employé Parfait [official site]. It’s a colourful, fun, and free little minigame ’em up about dashing around trying to complete tasks before the boss arrives. You might like it!

L’employé Parfait [that’s The Perfect Employee -ed. Française] sees a slacking cop scooting around his office on a wheely chair, trying to complete a load of tasks in the one minute before the chief gets into work. Tasks pop up around the place, very simple minigames like signing a form by tracing a line, sorting case files and bills into separate piles, collecting rubbish and putting it out, clicking to bang the printer, making coffee, and whatnot.

None are challenging, but it gets tense and exciting on later days when you need to do so much more. Waiting a few seconds for a coffee machine to finish spitting out its juice becomes agonising, and banging a printer is… still very cathartic. Towards the end (it counts down to payday), optimising routes and picking time-efficient tasks becomes really important if you don’t want to get fired. I was really good at cleaning up poo and banging the printer, for example, so I tried to do that more than answering telephones. And in the game.

Made by a team of students from the French school Isart Digital, L’Employé Parfait [no, we know we shouldn’t capitalise it like that -Anglo/French ed.] is free to download from Itch for Windows, Mac, and Linux. It’s pretty and pleasant and has silly noises and you get to mash keyboards and if it makes you smile for a few minutes then that’s nice, isn’t it?

Oh god.

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  1. Premium User Badge

    DelrueOfDetroit says:

    *Drops everything and walks away as soon as he finds out the game has nothing to do with ice cream.*

  2. Aerothorn says:

    I initially thought this was going to be a game about cleaning up the dog crap in Paris.

    • Premium User Badge

      john_silence says:

      Unfortunately that would be more like an endless runner.
      I do pick up my dog’s poo every time, even twice this morning thank you very much, but there are still too many Parisians unwilling and/or ill-equipped to do the same. You se, I have a device that enables me to scoop up the stuff while keeping my hands a few inches away. Most dog owners I meet don’t even know such things exist and gaze at me with incredulity before asking me what it is and where I got it, and I tell them there are similar things on Amazon and I see how their eyes glaze (why?).

      Also: good on Alice for knowing the proper rules of capitalisation in a French title! Most Frenchmen have given up on that as they have on proper pooper scoopers and just go Every First Letter Uppercase as in English.

  3. Premium User Badge

    Cooper says:

    One burning question I’ve always wanted to know.

    When you get those editor comments from a fictional editor in writing, are writers allowed to add those themselves? Or are the square brackets for small jokes / in-jokes some kind of sacrosanct preserve of the actual editor? Do editors even have enougn time to make jokes?

    (Of course, in this instance we all know that the French ed is real, I’m just asking in general…)

  4. thelegendofjonnii says:

    What an exciting game! It took me a while to fully get the controls down but I really loved this game even for how simple it was :D I did a playthrough of my adventure even though I could never actually beat the game xP

    link to