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17

Who's Who In Eve Online's 'Northern War'

Space feuds

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Eve’s new war is a mess. It’s such a mess that the combatants can’t even decide on a name for it. The forces on one side are calling it “World War Bee”, referring to the bee icon the Goons have used as a mascot. While the leader of the Goons has called for it to be dubbed “The Casino War” referring to the money-men behind it all, or more recently the “War of Sovless Aggression”. We’ve opted for the neutral “Northern War”. It is very difficult to keep track of these things. If you aren’t up to speed and don’t fancy reading our in-depth special feature on the conflict just yet, we’ve rounded up the major figures from either side right here.

Moneybadger Coalition

What’s this guy’s name? Lenny Kravitz2

Who is he? An enormously wealthy banker, stockbroker and financier.

How is he involved? He began plotting a move against the Goonswarm as far back as October 2015. After funding 28 separate mercenary groups with billions upon billions of ISK, he has finally been revealed as one of the key figures behind the war. He has another character called “Nigerian Banker Prince” and also works for the gambling website Iwantisk.com (see below)

In his own words: “I really can’t be harmed in-game. My money [alt] lives in high-sec, I work the markets. They’ve been trying to get rid of Iwantisk – it’s not succeeding.”

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What’s this guy’s name? Eep Eep

Who is he? A gambling kingpin and owner of Iwantisk.com

How is he involved? After a bitter feud with members of a Goon-affiliated alliance, he promised to help fund the war, even in dire circumstances. He has been contributing to the war chest for his own reasons, most of all a personal vendetta against the Space Monkeys Alliance – who stole hundreds of billions of ISK from his online casino (see ‘The Zombies’).

In his own words:I am sure I have no control of the momentum against The Imperium but I damn well will be part of it by funding it. Plus, The Imperium is a great name to destroy.”

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What’s this girl’s name? We don’t know. She is the “shopfront” for someone called 1RONBANK

Who is that? Another ludicrously rich person who works with Iwantisk.com

How is he involved? Pledged his wallet to the war along with Eep Eep. His incredibly deep pockets have allowed him to affect the war in other ways, such as the moment he bought all 492 Machariels in a single system, denying the enemy any hope of finding the useful skirmishing warship.

In his own words: “Sorry guis, I bought all of them… If you need SRP [ship replacement] just join the good guys k…”

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What’s this guy’s name? progodlegend

Who is he? Fleet commander and veteran of the ‘Fountain War’ – the last big conflict with the Goons

How is he involved? He is a fleet leader for TEST Alliance, a conglomeration of Reddit users. TEST are an established alliance who once fought alongside the Goons years ago but who struck out on their own and eventually became bitter enemies. Depending on whose propaganda you read, he is either an incredible pilot and commander, or a raging degenerate.

In his own words: “WHY THE FUCK WERE HALF OF YOU NOT ALIGNED?”

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What’s this guy’s name? Gobbins

Who is he? Leader of Pandemic Horde, a group of relatively new players funded by Pandemic Legion, the arch-nemeses of the Goons

How is he involved? He led the Goonswarm on a wild goose chase through the Cloud Ring region of space in October 2015, with a fleet of his pilots, effectively “trolling” the Mittani into a fight that was futile and strategically pointless. It was this moment when Lenny Kravitz2, the banker, claims he realised that Goonswarm could be fought. Later, Gobbins would be contracted to attack the same Space Monkeys who stole from Eep Eep.

In his own words: “Mittens will never give his enemies what they want: only ashes, suffering, and 5 free regions.”

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What do you call these nerds? Athen Kharn, Seleene and Sabre A

Who are they? The Triumvirate of players in charge of Mercenary Coalition – a slick crowd of corporations all dedicated to murder for money.

How are they involved? They were some of the first to be brought on board during the bankers’ planning phase. Like Pandemic Horde, TEST and the groups forming ‘Lowsec Voltron’, this coalition is on the payroll of the bankers and gambling chiefs. Sabre A initially told Lenny Kravitz2 that defeating the Goons was an “impossible” task, before admitting it could be done. For about 6 or 7 trillion ISK, that is.

In their own words: Seleene, in an interview: “When a client hires the MC, they do not get just our pilots and our ships… We pride ourselves on our ability to adapt and overcome almost any situation.”

The Imperium

What’s this guy’s name? The Mittani

Who is he? The notorious leader of the Goonswarm Federation and de facto Emperor of the Imperium (they have an “official” Emperor in the form of a man called Max Singularity, who is more of a figurehead)

How is he involved? He is involved in everything. The Mittani (or “Mittens”) has been the most famous player of Eve and the most powerful in-game leader in the game’s history. He became chief of the Goons of the Something Awful forum after rising out of the ranks of the group’s intelligence wing – a personal history that led him to describe himself as “the Vladimir Putin of Eve”. A love-hate figure for many Eve players, he has razed the galaxy for years.

In his own words: “Our enemies have declared that ‘there are no goons’; then as now there will be no quarter, no diplomacy, no negotiation – they will all burn.

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What’s this guy’s name? gigX

Who is he? Leader of Circle of Two, one of the Imperium’s strongest military clans, and member of the “Balkan Mafia”.

How is he involved? Circle of Two had been “unsteady” bedfellows with the Imperium for years, and diplomacy between the groups started to break down in the run-up to the war. Following their defeat by Moneybadger forces in their home capital, gigX announced his group of Serbian warriors was leaving the Goons, after feeling abandoned. The Mittani responded, saying they were traitors and turncoats.

In his own words: “Over the past few months it has become increasingly clear that we have served (only) as a meatshield. Circle-Of-Two is NOT a meatshield.”

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What do you call this pair? The Zombies

The what? More specifically, Widget Zombie (top) and Binary Zombie. A husband and wife duo who are leading members of a group known as Space Monkey Alliance.

How are they involved? They allegedly stole hundreds of billions of ISK from the gambling website Iwantisk.com, making an existing disagreement between the bankers and these Monkeys a hundred times worse, and creating a quagmire of vendettas. Following the theft, Eep Eep, the owner of the website, pledged his full support to a fight against all Goons. If the war needed a catalyst, it was this “heist.”

In their own words: The Zombies declined to comment.

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What’s this shadow’s name? Winet

Who was he? A higher-up in the Space Monkeys Alliance. He has disappeared from the face of New Eden.

How was he involved? He was the central figure of a long-standing feud between the Space Monkeys and Iwantisk.com. He was involved in an elaborate scam which saw one of the casino’s bankers lose 200 billion ISK worth of assets. When Eep, the kingpin, asked him to return the money, he refused and basically said: “lol”

In his own words: He has no words because he is missing, presumed dead. Reports suggest that the player behind him “biomassed” this character. Committing a full and unreversable self-deletion. In other words, he “committed suicide”.

For a more in-depth look at the history of the war, check out our big special report

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Who am I?

Brendan Caldwell

Features Editor

Brendan likes all types of games. To him there is wisdom in Crusader Kings 2, valour in Dark Souls, and tragicomedy in Nidhogg.

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