Trials Of The Blood Dragon Might Be A Thing?

Supposedly this is Trials of the Blood Dragon?

Eagle-eyed database watchers have spotted traces of an Ubisoft game named Trials of the Blood Dragon listed by the Taiwanese software rating board. The listings have been pulled, but did reveal a logo and single screenshot which seemed to show, yep, a Trials game with the neon lighting of Far Cry 3’s expandalone Blood Dragon. That’s it. If it’s real and happening, I’d expect more tricky Trials physics-based motorbike stunting but with neon lights. That’s the news. If you want news, no need to read on.

Now let’s gasbag about Turbo Kid and this fake ’80s aesthetic we see so much of.

In short, let’s have less Kung Fury and more Turbo Kid, yeah?

I realise that these faux-throwback games, movies, and whatnot aren’t meant to be recreating their ’80s inspirations, rather taking elements and stereotypes and building them into an exaggerated aesthetic but gosh, the sneering wackiness of some really grates.

Kung Fury and many other throwbacks are barrages of “Remember the ’80s? Weren’t they wacky? Remember this from the ’80s? Weren’t they bad? Isn’t this silly? Remember the ’80s? Isn’t this ridiculous?” The one joke wears thin in these sorts. John would tell you Blood Dragon falls into that category (though hey, at least it has the fun shootybangs of Far Cry 3 at heart). Kung Fury is the furthest extreme, a spectacle of excess, but the attitude’s all around.

On the other, see Turbo Kid! It’s a really fun and earnest comedy-adventure-horror about teens and villains in the post-apocalyptic wasteland. Characters are more than punchlines. As silly as the story is, it bounces and rolls along nicely. Yes, it throws in a few references to Things From The ’80s, but the best jokes aren’t “Remember this?”. It’s warm reminiscence, not reference-blasting kookiness. And dang, it has some cracking practical effects. Really good dismemberment, evisceration, and torso hats. Guts torn out by bicycle. Jaws ripped off. Gibs. Lovely.

Look, I did made clear that the news on Trials of the Blood Dragon was slim. I was clear that I mostly wanted to talk about Turbo Kid. Go see it! It’s out in the usual places, including Netflix (in the UK, at least). Seriously, really fun practical effects.

Oh, I guess Trials of the Blood Dragon could also be an expansion, or a lesser expandalone. Or not be happening. It’s not proper official yet.


  1. Cimeries says:

    Thanks for posting that Turbo Kid trailer, I saw it come up on Netflix and it looked cool but I think that just pushed me over the edge to watch it in the near future.

    But dissing Kung Fury upsets me greatly. That movie is pure action comedy, it’s pretty short and it’s packed full of what I consider fantastic humor. You don’t need deep characterization in a film that refers to Hitler as the Kung-Fuhrer and has a character called Triceracop. I guess comedy is among the most subjective of mediums but I adored the cosy nonsense of Kung Fury but was left cold by 95% of the Blood Dragon jokes. I watches Kung Fury on a day when I was really down and it completely turned my mood around.

    Then again, I consider Ali G in da House as one of the greatest comedies ever made, and thought that “the other guys” was the least funny thing I’ve ever seen, so might be completely wrong about everything ever.

    • Flopdong says:

      I agree, Kung Fury was great. Stupid but fun. I enjoyed it significantly more than Turbo Kid. Turbo Kid is a good movie, but honestly its pretty generic. The plot and dialog are predictable and generic, and everything is wrapped up far too perfectly in a little bow at the end. Apple and the quality gore pretty much saved the movie for me

    • GWOP says:

      You are so wrong on The Other Guys. That’s a modern classic waiting to be rediscovered.

      I’m with Alice on this one. There’s a certain veneer of insincerity when it comes to most of these 80s inspired stuff. Sure, the 80s were zany, but I like to laugh at them, as opposed to with them when it comes to the likes of Kung Fury. It’s the difference between laughing at The Room, where I know Tommy Wiseau had put his heart into his work, resulting in a tragicomedy, as opposed to the constantly winking Sharknado, which is trying to have its cake and eat it too.

      • DelrueOfDetroit says:

        I know I saw The Other Guys but I honestly can’t remember a thing about it. The clip of “Haha! Art people are the stupidest!” really didn’t make me want to watch it again.

        • GWOP says:

          The hilarity lies in Marky Mark studying art criticism just to make fun of art nerds. He even learns ballet ‘sarcastically’ to do dance moves while making fun of kids to show them how queer they were.

  2. seroto9 says:

    I loved Turbo Kid, and confess to a little weep at the end. Laurence Leboeuf – Apple – deserves an Oscar for being my favourite kind of thing.

    • KenTWOu says:

      She ruined the movie for me, because she stole every scene she is in. Of course I’m not blaming her, I’m blaming directors.

  3. GWOP says:

    If you want to go retro, make the in-game interfaces have the physicality of old computers – the whir of the floppy disk drives, the chirping of dot matrix printers, the pop and crackle of CRTs and 8-bit synth.

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      alison says:

      Give Tross a try. It is insanely difficult and extremely frustrating as an actual game, but the aesthetic is so good in this respect. Many throwback games just swipe the simple graphics and hokey gameplay, which comes across as cheap these days. Tross nails both those things, but it actually makes you feel like you are sitting at an old computer at the same time. It uses one of those sounds i am extremely familiar with but haven’t actually heard for 15+ years, so it created this weird dissonance where i was sitting in front of a tablet with an SSD, but i was hearing something like an XT spin up. And then i died. A lot. But it was okay, because it was the 80s.

  4. zaphod42 says:

    Kung Fury was disappointing, but you can’t tell me that the David Hasselhoff music video True Survivor made for it is anything but genius.

  5. hurrakan says:

    I love Turbo Kid! I even bought the blu-ray. I like it more than Kung Fury, but yeah the Hasslehoff video is amazing.

    But now I am totally into the 80’s. I used to think that the 80’s was the stupidest decade – but now I want it to be the 80s forever (I was born in 1980). Recently I’ve been getting into 80’s style synthwave music. Check it out on my bandcamp page.

  6. Stevostin says:

    That’s very interesting and all, save for the fact that blood dragon was really, really fun. Sure, it was a parody, and parody is typically seen as the lesser form of comedy. Still, there are good parody and bad parody. As far as I am concern, it was an awesome one. I mean, come on, read those “tips” it provided again if you’ve forgotten:

    link to

    “Enemies in range can be shot.”

    • Gwilym says:

      I agree that’s a brilliant joke, but it’s also an example of why the game wasn’t good parody: it didn’t know what it was satirising. It kept rubbing the zany pseudo-80s schtick in our faces, but had no jokes to make about it. When it made actual jokes, they had nothing to do with the zany pseudo-80s.

  7. Axess Denyd says:

    I made it through the trailer for Turbo Kid, but only barely.

    Kung Fury is fun. Scott Pilgrim is pretty fun too, though I really dislike Michael Cera.

  8. Capt. Bumchum McMerryweather says:

    Turbo Kid was possibly my favourite movies i’ve seen since the 2000s. So refreshingly ‘un hollywood’, and with the sweetest plotline ever.

  9. Lena78 says:

    I love Turbo Kid!

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    Waltorious says:

    I also enjoyed Turbo Kid much more than Kung Fury. And I may have coincidentally spent the last couple of days listening to its excellent soundtrack by Le Matos.

    I generally agree with Alice’s arguments; Kung Fury seemed too silly and full of references for their own sake, whereas Turbo Kid was more than just homage.