Becoming Governor Is Hard When You’re A Lobster-Man

If you’re one of the millions upon millions of people bummed out by the American presidential race, you need to play You Are the Cannibal Lobster-Man Of New England, Can You Become The Governor Of Maine? It’s a text adventure from Clickhole that has completely redeemed my faith in the political process. That a humble cannibalistic lobster-man could escape from captivity, eat a few scientists, and rise to start the revolution that America needs is the kind of story that would make Abraham Lincoln shed a single, presidential tear.

In a world teeming with political cynicism, Cannibal Lobster-Man gives me hope. Here’s a mutant not wrapped up in the muddy blanket of politics; he just wants to eat people, lay his eggs in them, and become the governor of Maine.

The Onion’s spinoff website, Clickhole, has a pretty great reputation for making bizarre and hilarious text adventures, and Cannibal Lobster-Man can stand proudly next the greats like You’re George Lucas In 1975. Can You Create ‘Star Wars’? So do yourself a favor, draw the curtains, turn off the television, and let Clickhole take you on a magical adventure about spraying pheromone-laced urine onto political advisers and eating single mothers.


  1. Andy_Panthro says:

    I would love to see a “Can you win a major football tournament with England?” from Clickhole. (Spoiler: the answer is “no”).

    • FCA says:

      Is the year 1966? If yes: congratulations, you’ve won! Now go back and enjoy the 60’s while you still can.

  2. Chillicothe says:

    Lahbthtah Monthtah

  3. Durgendorf says:

    I am, and I did.

  4. emily riposte says:

    To be honest, a cannibal lobsterman would be considerably less embarrassing than our current governor.

  5. shevtsov200 says:

    I hope it is as great as Lucas simulator.