Something that happens every now and again is I try to play Jalopy [official site]. It’s the driving game where you’re tasked with keeping a dilapidated old car roadworthy as you go on trips across the former Eastern bloc.
I really like Jalopy, but I don’t think the game and I are a natural fit because terrible – or at least non-great – things seem to happen a lot each time I play.
Last time I ran out of momentum to go up a hill but an angry AI driver behind me meant I couldn’t go backwards. In the end I parked on top of that AI driver, abandoned my uncle in the passenger seat and walked off down the dual carriageway.
Several patches later and I’m back. In this latest playthrough I haven’t even made it through a checkpoint on the way to Dresden. Instead, I mistook the checkpoint for a place I couldn’t pass and drove back towards Berlin by accident, eventually running out of gas and abandoning my car in the middle of the road before attempting to walk all the way home.
In the end I restarted and tried to put more useful things in the car boot so I’d be able to save myself. I think one of my tyres went bald and I ended up spinning and skidding in a tunnel, eventually facing into oncoming traffic and attempting to drive backwards out of the whole disaster.
My second restart seemed to be going better. I headed to a town garage but didn’t really need gas so left the car on the street outside and headed in. I’m not very well at the moment so I’d started to feel something akin to travel sickness because of looking at the screen so long. I felt awkward about not buying anything from the shop so picked up some sausages just for something to have.
But I’d forgotten my wallet. I headed out to the car to pick it up from the passenger side but… the shop had closed its gates. I’m now trapped in the sausage shop unsure of the legal ramifications of taking the sausages out of the building and not paying for them as my car and wallet hunker down for the night outside.
I mean, I genuinely can’t find a way out. There’s a gate to the right but it doesn’t open. I guess I’m just going to content myself with throwing all the sausages onto the forecourt and wait for daytime.
I’m still enjoying the game itself, but just puzzled by quite how naturally terrible I seem to be at it.
(It’s in early access so ALL OF THE USUAL CAVEATS.)