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Zam! Kapow! Wonk! Telltale's Batman Ep 2 On the 20th

“Bring back Joel Schumacher, all is forgiven,” our Alec said in his Wot I Think of the first episode of Telltale’s Batman series [official site]. Not a fan, that one. Found it a bit tedious, he did. Too familiar a Batstory. And I’m totally with him – I miss Joel Schumacher’s Batman too. So look, here’s the news: Episode 2 of Telltale’s Batman will arrive on September 20th and it will be named Children of Arkham. Now that’s out the way, we can focus on imagining Joel Schumacher’s Batman – The Telltale Series.

I get it: Bruce Batwayne is a serious man with serious issues. I’ve seen the films, read the comics, and watched the TV show. Nowadays I understand he’s committing mass murder and speaking in a voice so low only whales can hear. He’s also a big ol’ goofball larking about in a make-believe world wearing his jim-jams, and I’d like to see more of that fella in video games.

I want Batman grinding his Batsoapshoes down a dinosaur:

I want goofy gangs covered in neon paint:

I want imagery without the slightest shred of subtlety:

I want car chases down the arms of colossal statues:

I want Batman tripping his tits off at a grubby charity auction and trying to buy a date with Poison Ivy using his GOTHCARD:

I want even more neon gangs:

I want pick-up lines like “I’ll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche.”

God help me, I even want these stupid bastard puns, plus at least one awful pun as an option in every conversation:

Maybe for season two, yeah Telltale?

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Alice O'Connor

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When not writing news, Alice may be found in the sea.

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