We’ve Peaked: Steven Seagal’s In World Of Warships

Probably around 800,000 press releases come into my inbox every day. Standing out from that crowd is tough. But when your subject line is “Steven Seagal in World of Warships”, you’re like a brilliant light shining through the darkness.

Steven Seagal is in World Of Warships [official site].

Watching the video, right below this line, I genuinely thought Seagal was CGI until another slightly more human-looking human appeared in the scene.

Steven Seagal has taken bad acting to the point of not looking like even his physical form is real. He doesn’t even move realistically.

That’s right, Mobile Strike may have gotten Arnold Schwarzenegger, but World Of Warships has Seagal… for a month and a half. From today until December 14th, you can earn Seagal as an in-game commander in the free-to-spend-all-your-money MMO. You’ll need Account Level 10, then to complete a “special mission” where you accrue 70,000 XP, and then the world’s most awkward hair plugs will be in your crew.

Apparently there’s more Seagal to come in the future, so hold onto your naval hats. Meanwhile, see if you can spot the difference between Seagal in the promos, and Seagal in-game.


  1. cpt_freakout says:

    Proof that this is the good timeline

    • Jay Load says:

      Uhh, aren’t goatees proof of the reverse?

    • inspiredhandle says:

      He’s got you there.

    • SaintAn says:

      The guy is a horrible sadistic scumbag, so you’ve got that way wrong. Guarantees I will never touch this crap.

  2. Lakshmi says:

    Thank you for this. It was some good ammo for my Seagal loving friend this morning.

  3. Saarlaender39 says:

    “I know a thing or two about warships!”

    Hahaha…Steven at his best. ;)

  4. DonJefe says:

    He looks like Alec Baldwin dressed as Steven Seagal.

    • Saarlaender39 says:

      Not kidding – that was my first thought, while watching this: “If they ever need someone to play Steven – they should call Alec!” :)

  5. Pravin Lal's Nuclear Arsenal says:

    This is an abomination: at no point during the video he was hiding behind a column with a silenced gun.

  6. Pogs says:

    My friend was playing this the other day and I said I’d not played it in ages. I even started downloading again then thought meh its another grind game from the money grabbers that brought you WoT. Actually no thanks.

    Now I know it’s good enough for The Great Seagal maybe I was wrong. I do hope the ships can engage at close range with giant knives now. However, someone would probably be using ptw premium knives so maybe not.

    • Mr. Perfect says:

      I’d say WoW is better then WoT in the pay-to-win regard. There’s no such thing as premium ammo in WoWs, so some unskilled sucker can’t just sink you with magic money shells (it was really tempting to say magic money shots here).

      Like you say, it’s still got the grind aspect. If there’s anything going for it, it’s that they seem to have shifted away from grinding for modules like WoT, to grinding for the next ship in the line. Nothing was more frustrating in WoT then having a stock tank and needing to grind forever just to get it to be usable. Loads of grinding on a quickly elited ship is not so bad.

  7. Winged Nazgul says:

    Wait, I thought he was the cook?

  8. Synesthesia says:

    Now this is how you wake up.

  9. Premium User Badge

    phuzz says:

    Steven Seagull surely?

  10. omf says:

    It’s really heartwarming when you consider we’ve been laughing at Steven for nearly 30 years now. It brings us all together and reminds us how we’re all part of one big family. One big family laughing at him.

  11. Premium User Badge

    Qazinsky says:

    That last picture is what I picture Steven Seagals and Jim Belushis lovechild to look like.

  12. DelrueOfDetroit says:

    Why does that balloon have a vagina?

  13. Freud says:

    It says a lot about what target audience they have for this game. Older gamers with disposable income.

    • AdmiralKew says:

      They also cater to otaku, what with the Arpeggio of Blue Steel collaboration that’s just wrapping up, then the High-School Fleet ones.

      I myself am eager to see if we’ll get HaiFuri’s Admiral Graf Spee or Musashi, the fictional Kagerou-class Destroyer Harekaze or another Hiei with the HaiFuri collab.

  14. Jambe says:

    That was horribly fantastic.

  15. Slazia says:

    He should be in every game.

  16. ffordesoon says:

    He looks like a Jim Henson creation now. Except, you know, less emotive. Not that he was ever more emotive.

    Bless this stupid ad.

    Also, favorite Seagal line: “I’m gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. The blood bank.”

  17. kwyjibo says:

    Steven Seagal is actually big in Russia.

    link to buzzfeed.com

  18. fabulousfurrygingerfreakbrothers says:

    Man, I thought that was Half Life 3 confirmed.

  19. Hartford688 says:

    link to bbc.com

    So…does that mean Seagal is now available as. Russian captain rather than an American one??