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Hole In The Hell Wall: Osteotic Bypass

A few years ago, I turned my telly on and was immediately confronted by a bum wrapped in tight silver material. It was poking through a hole in a wall. At first, I thought whoever had been watching the TV last had left it tuned in to a glam rock fetish channel, but soon confirmed that I was watching BBC One. The program was Hole in the Wall, a gameshow in which famous people in skintight bodysuits play human Tetris.

Osteotic Bypass [official site] is a version of Hole in the Wall, but with skeletons instead of celebrities. Available on Itch, it’s a pay-what-you-want release, with a minimum of zero dollars and cents.

The best way to explain what’s happening here is to quote directly from the source:

“Why am I just a floating pile of flesh?”
“Why do my limbs bend every which way?”
“How did this happen to me?”
Well, really. The grave government took your skeleton, but that’s not important. You’re gonna get to keep your skeleton if you pass the Osteotic Bypass. That test… The one for new-deads to get a skeleton license.

This software is going to help you– for a mere $39.22- FREE you’ll be the one laughing from your grave! Practice everything you’ll need to make it through the Osteotic Bypass.

Don’t let the grave government take your skeleton

Osteotic Bypass, then, is less a game than a training program, like the software you can buy to help out with your driving test. Except this is preparing you to get your skeleton license so that you can hang out with all of other dead folks like Manny Calavera, Morte and… Skeleton. From SuperTed.

I guess Morte might actually be an example of someone who didn’t get a skeleton license, being just a skull and all. Osteotic Bypass doesn’t care if your skeleton is intact when it passes through the increasingly difficult gaps in the wall though; the more bones you manage to get to the other side, the more of you there is to reassemble, I guess. It’s all good, as long as you don’t smash your skull into the wall.

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Adam Smith

former Deputy Editor

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