When Capcom discovered that a Street Fighter V [official site] level set atop a plane flying over Dubai was disorienting some players and even making them motion-sick, they pulled it from their competitive tournament lineup. Cowards. What rotten cowards they are. With all their know-how, they surely could’ve figured out a way to even the playing field by making all players equally ill. It’d certainly shake up the competitive scene if, every third fight, players fell to the floor clawing at their eyes and clutching at their guts, using tongues to manipulate their controllers while also vomiting over them.
Capcom tweeted the announcement this week:
What’s the problem with that? Competitive player Keoma M. Pacheco explained in a blog post earlier this month:
“As we are almost completely focused on the X axis of the Foreground and the Background is moving and rotating all around, it’s not uncommon that it causes enough distraction for the player to actually lose track of things. Remember, we’re used to the horizontal scrolling and a little bit of vertical scrolling in pretty much a straight line. We lose track of our guideline (the ground) and while tracking the jumping opponent while the stage rotates makes you completely disoriented. In a bit of time, our body responds the same way it does when we’re reading stuff on a smartphone inside a bus. My first FT5 in this stage actually got me a bit dizzy and with a light headache.”
Lionel Messi isn’t afraid of vomiting on the pitch. Boxers and other fighters occasionally blow chunks. Paula Radcliffe paused for a poo on the street during the London Marathon then went on to win. That’s dedication! And dedication’s what you need.
No, Capcom should’ve amped it up, made everyone nauseous. Maybe spun them around around in circles before matches. I wouldn’t object to competitive first-person shooters building maps inspired by the trickery of Catacombs of Solaris either. This is why Big Culture doesn’t take eSports seriously: everyone’s so afraid of hurling.
Though I do also think that real football should be played on motorbikes inside a Wall of Death.