Goldie Princess Skin Doctor is some sort of game

All is quiet in games land. The year’s major games have been released, Thanksgiving has been and gone, and everyone is watching the calendar as time ticks towards the Christmas break. That means it’s a pretty slow time of year for meaty game news. Also, Alice – our news editor – is off this week. Which in turn means I just spent some time playing Goldie Princess Skin Doctor.

We get sent emails to a lot of these games, in which you click on tools and then click on faces in order to help faux Disney princesses or celebrities recover from terrible injuries, fashion disasters, bad hair days and more. We’ve written about them previously, particularly the strange Frozen pregnancy games.

Elsa Emergency Birth has you applying stethoscopes, ultrasounds and fluids to a placid Elsa who appears no more likely to have a contraction than she is to be an officially licensed entity from Frozen. Elsa then has a nap and a baby emerges from a floral pattern on her stomach. The baby has no umbilical cord and thus no tummy button. It does, however, have a flower in place of genitals and – aww – it has its mother’s eye makeup, how cute. I do hope my own children inherit my eyeliner gene. I cover its floral bits in a nappy and swaddle it as best I can. The game ends with the baby inside what looks like an envelope being cuddled by its mother.

The game below is, I think, based on Rapunzel from Tangled? Her hair is a mess and she is having some serious skin problems, and so you must click the objects along the bottom of the screen and then either hover them over parts of her face or click on parts of her face in order to make blemishes disappear. Every stage is clearly directed via arrows telling you what to do. Occasionally you progress to a new level and the tools along the bottom change. Each level change is marked by a little aspirational image, one of which is about taking a selfie in Paris.

You can play it for yourself here in just a couple of minutes. Alternatively you can do as requested here and tell me what I should be doing with my time instead. No, we won’t post about everything.

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9 Comments

  1. BlazeHedgehog says:

    You could always talk about my indie game that I emailed you a couple weeks ago. Eh? Ehhhhh??

    Since then I’ve submitted it to Steam Greenlight! It’s cute and it has Dracula in it and stuff

  2. Rao Dao Zao says:

    Woah, I thought I had bad spots when I was a teenager but that header image is something else.

    I would send you my game but it’s still a loosely-coupled sequence of developer diaries and the odd youtube video rather than an… uh… actual game…

    And all my mods are years and years old, unless you want to do a proper Warcraft III retrospective…

  3. Don Reba says:

    Just completed it. It was quirky and fun, but could use a multiplayer option.

  4. KevinLew says:

    If fans try to create a legitimate sequel or reboot of some classic game (e.g., Raccoon City), lawyers will send out a C&D letter even before it’s released. But if you create a weird Flash game of a clearly-licensed Disney product: No problem.

  5. geldonyetich says:

    Still waiting on Disney Princess gynocology clinic simulator. Best to get kids wanting nothing to do with that before puberty hits.

  6. TheAngriestHobo says:

    Why do I always get razor blades, eye herpes, and insect infestations all over my face every time I have a hot date? Ack!

  7. Premium User Badge

    modzero says:

    Oh dear. That header image should come with a trigger warning. I’m not sleeping tonight, I guess.

  8. Shuck says:

    There’s some David Cronenberg-esque body horror going on with this game. Cancers, weird alien infections, parasite infestations, flesh sloughing off…

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