Why, hello, Brendan Caldwell, of the RPS Parish

As you’ll know if you’ve been reading RPS for a few years, it’s a tradition of ours to only remember to announce we’ve hired a new writer several months after everyone’s already noticed that they’re here. We’ve hired a new writer! It’s Brendan Caldwell, and he’s the latest full-time entrant to the RPS Hivemind. You must welcome him with cheers of encouragement below.

Brendan has been writing for RPS for a long time, but previously as a freelancer, which meant for some ungodly reason he had felt the need to provide words for other websites. Other, uglier, rubbish websites. We have put a stop to that, because frankly he was far too good to let them have him, and now the feature-generating machine is OURS ALL OURS.

Brendan joins what Prime Minister Theresa May and the Pope have both described as “The world’s best PC gaming website, much better than – you know – that one,” along with Graham Smith, Philippa Warr, Alec Meer, Alice O’Connor, John Walker and Adam Smith.

It is your contractual obligation to welcome Brendy with compliments and applause.


  1. Premium User Badge

    johannsebastianbach says:

    Compliments! Applause!

    PS. Fantastic addition to the roster, wp! (Even though the sheer number of posts with his name on ’em already made it kinda clear he’s part of the core team now. Better late then never I guess.)

  2. Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

    It was either make Brendan full time or label the exit more clearly, and I for one am glad that Brendan has been subsumed entirely.

    • gwop_the_derailer says:

      Same here – for one unpleasant moment I thought this was a farewell post.

      Brendan’s Ridealong series has been an RPS highlight.

  3. Ghostwise says:

    I advise caution around that bear, young man. He’s always looked shifty to me.

  4. Legion1183 says:

    Hello and welcome Brendan Caldwell, with cheers of encouragement. And as contracted to do so, compliments and applause to you sir.

  5. DrPolito says:

    Congratulations! I liked all articles I’ve read :)

  6. MiniMatt says:

    RPS now has precisely enough full time staff for a regulation Ultimate Frisbee team. I suspect this is no coincidence.

  7. TheDandyGiraffe says:

    Wonderful news! Congratulations to Brendan (and even more so to the RPS team for such a fantastic new addition). Just one question though – does it mean that Brendan is definitely gone from Shut Up and Sit Down? I know he hasn’t published anything there for a long time (over a year, I think), but I was still hoping he would return one day in all of his Brendan glory, bringing more of his sociocultural and historical insights to the boardgaming world… On the other hand, Pip manages to share her time between RPS and an occasional review for SU&SD, so I hope it’s not mutually exclusive (contrary to what you’ve actually written in the news).

    • Deano2099 says:

      I don’t think anyone is banned from writing elsewhere, it’s just he’s employed full time so any additional work would be “in his own time”. As opposed to freelancing where you just try and book as much work as you can handle and fit it in whenever.

    • Brendan Caldwell says:

      I also live far away from the people who I used to play board games with :( And it’s hard to communicate some BG rules in English, never mind Spanish. But never say never!

  8. mukuste says:

    Bravo! Bravo!!

    Brendan is great, I love his dramatizations of stories that happen to him in games he plays.

  9. thedosbox says:

    Is Brendan about to wrestle Horace? And what’s with the totally realistic background fires? WE DEMAND THE TRUTH.

    Oh, and welcome!

  10. RedViv says:

    As if this delay were purely by accident. Realising the full implications of joining the hivemind too early would just startle the brain and disconnect the mindworms. Nobody wants THAT migraine in a new wordsing drone.


  11. TheDandyGiraffe says:

    (Oh, and also, this beard is just majestic – if RPS ever makes one of these semi-nude charity calendars, I demand that June be reserved for Mr Caldwell, for this is the month of my birthday. If not, you’re going to lose another reader, I’ll quit reading RPS along with all of my friends, of whom I have very many, etc., etc.)

  12. Vandelay says:

    Congratulations and applause good sir. It is about time a replacement was found after your predecessor’s… incident.

    Don’t worry though, Castle Shotgun has been free of dungeon related mishaps for the past month or two, so I’m sure you will be fine.

  13. NetharSpinos says:

    I like your beard!


    There. Compliment and applause as contracted.

    Carry on Scribe Caldwell, your articles are unheretical and pleasing thus far.

  14. Faldrath says:

    But his name is still missing from the list at the bottom of the page! SOMEONE FIX THIS! OUR SANITY DEMANDS IT!

    (hi Brendy!)

    • April March says:

      I think leaving names out of the list of writer is as much of an RPS tradition as not announcing they’ve been hired. I think Kieron’s name is not there any more only because Kieron himself climbed up the RPS walls, chisel in hand, at his attorney’s request.

  15. Mi-24 says:

    Cheers of Encouragement, as well as Compliments and Applause, in the mandated order.

    Keep up the good work, for ever and ever

    (you did note the small print saying that you are now obligated to write an article a day until you die or your soul is condemned to hell didn’t you?)

    • apa says:

      Nice! Compliments! I thought he was already part of the RPS :)

      And @Mi-24, I compliment your nickname! Should we have a game of EECH sometime?

  16. thelastpointer says:

    Kind of a risky decision as he might very well claim the “Best Writer Of RPS” trophy for himself soon.

    But seriously: Fuck. Yeah!

  17. RaunakS says:

    Congrats monsieur Caldwell, this is truly the best of times!

    Also, definitely not the worst of times for the mysterious dungeons under castle RPS.

  18. kud13 says:

    Congrats and welcome.

    I quite enjoy your virtual life-story narratives. Hopefully this means there’ll be more of them.

    *applause and welcome as mandated*

  19. Synesthesia says:

    Applause Brendan! Would you like to play


  20. tikey says:

    Yes! Brendan style is so unique and well suited to RPS that this is great -old- news.
    Congrats on the job, it was about time the hivemind assimilated you.

  21. A Gentleman and a Taffer says:

    Wel-come Bren-dan Cald-well

    I remember liking a thing you wrote here a while back and hoping you’d write more stuff, and here you are. Great. I can’t remember what the thing was because life is short and memories fleeting, but, you know. What were we talking about again?

    There’s something really quite sinister seeing Horace in an earth bound picture, rather than usual cartoon land he hibernates in. It’s nearly Horace rampage day, isn’t it. Nervous.

    • Shazbut says:

      Was it that one about the golf game? I liked that one a lot

      Welcome Brendan.

  22. Halford9000 says:

    Hi Brendan. Your Rimworld diaries were a personal favourite. Left me laughing to tears. Please, do continue with that format.

  23. April March says:

    Hooray for Brendan! We’re going to make puns of your name now. Welcome our Brendan new writer? He writes qualtewell? Anyone? Anyone?

    • gwop_the_derailer says:

      if your puns leave everyone cald,well it’s time to try out a different brendan humor

      (I tried.)

  24. gwop_the_derailer says:

    Join RPS as a writer? I’m sorry to differ with you, sir, but you have always been a writer here.

    • Hmm-Hmm. says:

      His assumption into the body of RPS is only the last step to become one with Horace. For yea, his words were already worthy – and now the flesh has followed.

  25. Neurotic says:

    Am I imagining things, or has Brendan also published at the old massively.com mmog site? I know they had a Brendan there for a long time.

  26. teije says:

    Welcome Brendan. Your heroic struggle on the slopes of Mount Doom with the giant bear-turd will not go unsung.

  27. Premium User Badge

    Ninja Dodo says:

    Welcome, welcome!

  28. robertlepervers says:


  29. Gang of one says:

    Jolly Good! Love your words Brendan.

  30. Oozo says:

    I’m having a totally ridiculous proud dad-moment right now, since I was there when Brendan made his first baby steps in the field: Game Journo Story, which was a totally ridiculous and ballsy move. The mini-debate it spawned, with Chris Thursten’s reaction and Kieron’s subsequent reply to both of them was to me some sort of Amiga Power-moment, I think. (Also one the reasons why I started writing about games myself.)

    And now look at them, all grown up: Chris is part of PC Gamer! Brendan is an RPS writer at long last! …only Kieron’s career took a steep downward slope, getting to the point where the poor man can’t find any work anymore other than writing for the funny pages. Well, two out of three ain’t too bad!

    Nevertheless congratulations, Brendan, it has been a pleasure watching you grow, and it is still one reading your texts.

    PS Now that you’re actually payed for it, can we hope for more convention reports in the form of RPG Maker-games?

  31. Benratha says:

    Oh well, Cald(s)well that ends well…

    Welcome to the treehouse Brendan! Hope they haven’t made you toast-boy.
    The last one had a terrible mishap with a toasting fork and a blowtorch..

  32. Stevostin says:

    He certainly does look British. While some are white supremacists, some are simply supremely white. I have a cousin like that. Easy to loose in the snow.

    Oh why, you’re here ? Heeeey ! Welcome Brendan :D !

  33. JQHY says:

    Still looking for those explosions, eh Brendan?

  34. ananachaphobiac says:

    May I take this opportunity to applaud everyone for all the inevitable, lovely compliments? And of course compliment everyone on their enthusiastic applause?

    Congratulations to Brendan too, of course. May the rivers run red with your enemies blood!

  35. JB says:

    Welcome, Mr Caldwell. Long may you stay!

  36. Cyrus says:

    Endorsed by the pope you say? That holds no sway since your uncatholicness for 500 or so years :)

    The question is who’s been sacked? Besides Sam Allardyce that is.

  37. Scott Constantine says:

    Congratulations! Ridealong is The Best Series.

  38. InfamousPotato says:

    Congratulations! You have fabulous writing and good hair! I hope being part of the collective is a joyous experience! I hope all your hopes and dreams come true! Much applause!

  39. Holderist says:

    Hip hip, hurray!

  40. mr.black says:

    Hello and salutations!
    I liked your writing even before your brain-pattern was melded into the hive.

  41. SpakAttack says:

    Welcome aboard!! :D

  42. AceJohnny says:

    Congratulations and welcome! Glad to have you with us… for good. As the others have surely already mentioned, the graft should take very soon. If the itching gets too bad, there’s some cream for that in the cupboard.

    Oh, and don’t eat those cookies, they’re… unsafe.

  43. batraz says:

    Another great writer on this beautiful site. Chic !

  44. Melody says:

    Yay! I love your words, so I’m happy to see that you’re now officially part of the team <3

  45. baud001 says:

    cheers of encouragement


  46. klops says:

    I like.

  47. Premium User Badge

    The Almighty Moo says:

    Caldwell. Now of this Parish until he is formerly of this Parish. Welcome

  48. David Mitchell says:

    All’s well, with Bren Gun Caldwell, of the RPS Flying Corps. Welcome, good sir!

  49. Ketchua says:

    It was about time, if you ask me.