Tekken 7 brings bearbiffing to PC in June

Knuckle tattoo idea: G O O D  D O G S

The bear-knuckle biffing of Tekken 7 [official site] will arrive on June 2nd, Bandai Namco announced today. After 22 years (22!), the fighting game series will finally swing by PC. One might say it has ‘Tekken’ its time, if one were a punfaced git.

“But Alice,” you say, and I hear you saying it so don’t say you don’t because you do, “how will I understand the plot if I’ve missed Tekkens one through six?” Mate, having watched the new trailer I can tell you it’s all a load of tosh about bad dads, bears, a man who shouts zapbeams, a sexy lady spy from an ’80s B movie, Liberace, and an anime magical robogirl armed with a minigun, all throwing down.

Told you.

And I’m into that. As someone whose enthusiasm for B movies is such that last night they watched a chap cross the punky post-apocalyptic wasteland to salvage a new body for his sexbot after a blocked sink caused her to short out during kitchen coitus, this is about on my level.

The release date announcement (“hooray!”) also doubles as a DLC announcement (“sure?”). Bamco have announced a DLC season pass, which they say “will include new playable characters, new stages, a new game mode, costume packs, and a bonus 35-piece Metallic Costume Pack.” DLC will be sold separately too, of course.

From this site

26 Comments

  1. Premium User Badge

    Don Reba says:

    Alright! Now, Soul Calibur. Please?

  2. CaptainHairy says:

    a load of tosh about bad dads, bears, a man who shouts zapbeams, a sexy lady spy from an ’80s B movie, Liberace, and an anime magical robogirl armed with a minigun, all throwing down.

    I’ve never read such a succinct description of Tekken.

    Looking forward to it.

  3. Bull0 says:

    Tekken plot is pretty much nonexistent, but that doesn’t bother me a bit. New tekken is so overdue!

  4. Veav says:

    I’m going to need the imdb of that movie you watched.

  5. Premium User Badge

    DelrueOfDetroit says:

    Is this the button mashy one?

  6. smeaa mario says:

    We have waited for so long, and the best they came up with is yet another season-pass fest. This entire stupid cash cow scheme is really beginning to get on my nerves.

    I was sold the moment I heard about the game making its way to PC. Now I doubt I’ll be buying this.

    • GameCat says:

      Just wait a year for a version with all DLCs and 75% discount.

      • smeaa mario says:

        … by which time, there will probably be a lot less people (maybe even nobody) playing on servers.

        But anyway, this business model is becoming really tiresome. Just what happened to the idea of delivering a whole game and asking for a fair price? That totally worked back in the day. What the hell changed now?

        I am a retired pirate. I am doing more than my best to pay for games instead of snatching them illegally, but developers are making it truly hard for me.

        • keefybabe says:

          Thankfully some companies do still provide a full experience without DLC. Not capcom though… Nope.

        • Kushiel says:

          What changed is that games are much, much more expensive to make, so if publishers asked for a fair price, you’d be looking at $100+ price tags* on AAA games, which no one would buy.

          *Without accounting for inflation, which would drive prices up even higher.

          (Small edit to remove what might have read as unintended snark.)

          • smeaa mario says:

            See, that’s exactly what I am talking about. In all honesty, I was ready to throw considerably more at Tekken than its opening price. That was, of course, assuming that they wouldn’t pull any of those DLC shenanigans.

            All I want is a complete product. As long as it’s a highly anticipated game for me, I won’t be too mean on the price. The way people tend to market their games in installments is a huge turn-off though. In this specific case, for instance, although I have been waiting very eagerly for this day to come, I ended up being undecided between getting this game and burying it as a terrible disappointment.

          • Kushiel says:

            It’s pure speculation on my part, but I strongly suspect that as someone willing to pay that much for a game, you’re a member of a small minority. As it is, lots and lots of people won’t even pay the full price of $60 for new releases.

            I’m probably biased, though, as I’m generally fine with the a la carte pricing of big-budget games.

  7. automatic says:

    Everyone knows blocked sinks causes robotic girlfriends to fail. What a douche.

  8. Chillicothe says:

    Not touching it till cross-play so it aint a deserted island.

    “But Alice,” you say, and I hear you saying it so don’t say you don’t because you do, “how will I understand the plot if I’ve missed Tekkens one through six?”

    Man throws kid in volcano.

    Kid crawls out, throws dad in same volcano.

    Dan crawls out and does it AGAIN to his son.

    Dad gets in 3 way brawl with son and grandson, powerbombs son into grandson thru 5 floors of a temple.

    There’s also a bear, a kangaroo, and a shitty moe-bot.

    Ya good.

  9. Blad the impaler says:

    I love good fighters – and I have a soft spot for Tekken – but if this is even one quarter as greedy and hateful as DOA 5 was for PC, I’m not touching it, not with a ten-foot zapbeam.

  10. Premium User Badge

    cultiv8ed says:

    I wish Sega would pull their finger out and release a modern Virtua Fighter for the PC.