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Steam Charts: All About The Johnsons

Sausage party

Featured post our EIC Graham performs his noble duty

By the power of Grayskull, it’s only the weekly Steam charts! These are the games which sold best on Steam last week.

It’s all gone a bit 2015-2016 in here again, I’m afraid, but fortunately cavalry of a sort arrives in the pendulous form of some big ol’ swingin’ dicks.

10. Grand Theft Auto V

10! Dare I dream? Could next week bring… no, I must not even think of it. That way madness lies. Let us instead presume that this is here for an eternity, as that way any change will be a rapturous surprise.

9. Ark: Survival Evolved Scorched Earth Expansion Pack

Dot Cotton announced for Ark! Ark now features a dinosaur that can transform into a toothbrush! New Ark base recreates Toadfish’s house! Latest Ark dino has the face of Colin Baker!

8. H1Z1: King of the Kill

7. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

My favourite Counter-Strike thing that ever happened was when I slipped a gag into a patch-notes post saying ‘new team added: Counter-Counter-Terrorists” and a load of players took it seriously. E.g. here.

6. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt – Game of the Year Edition

Sale sale sale. Here’s a Witcher 3 fan film for you to watch:

5. Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Siege

As prophesied, the free weekend/50% discount did the business for Ubisoft once again. That’s not all that’s new with R6S, though. I imagine I will be laughing at Operation Velvet Shell for many years to come. At least until Battlefield Two adds a map called ‘Operation Wizard’s Sleeve.’

4. RESIDENT EVIL 7 biohazard / BIOHAZARD 7 resident evil

I’ve completed it now! If you don’t mind a very broad and detail-free spoiler, there is a point late-ish in the game where it decides to be a lot more like a Resident Evil game, which I guess it needed to do, but I dug it a whole lot less than I did the amazing claustrophobic murder house that constitutes the main thrust of the game. I still had a grand old time in this brilliantly disgusting game, though. Anyway, Adam and I are going to do a full-spoilers chat-o-think right after I finish this post, so more on all that soon.

3. For Honor

Still here on pre-release/closed-beta interest only, which I imagine bodes well for the release on Valentine’s Day. I’d figured this might be a bit of an outside bet for Ubisoft, as swords don’t seem to hold quite the same mass appeal that guns do when it comes to multiplayer games, but perhaps this is the first game to truly make good on Thrones mania.

2. Ark: Survival Evolved

Oh come on, I already did this once already.

P.S. my three-year-old daughter’s favourite dinosaur is the Plesiosaurus. Strong choice, IMHO.

1. Conan Exiles

BIG FAT FLOPPY DONGS! Or teeny tiny cashew nuts! Or, y’know, perfectly average penii. It’s your choice entirely in the wide, wild world of naked barbarianism! I’m not especially inclined to play this myself, but I can’t object to a world in which a game most renowned for its unusually detailed trouser-snake physics makes it to number one. Also, there is lag, which is a shame.

FYI, exiting from the charts this week are:

Tales of Beseria
Astroneer
Planet Coaster

I reckon we’ll see Astroneer back at some point. Maaybeeee Planet Coaster too? Bet there’ll be some whacking great DLC for that before long.

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