Slip into your spandex, grease your pecs, and practise your microphone voice as WWE 2K17 [official site] has arrived on PC. Our Adam would tell us all Wot He Thinks but he’s in hospital following a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match for control of the RPS treehouse radio so for now, hey: it’s out. Consider yourself informed. Please excuse that ↑ official screenshot; until Adam recovers from Alec’s Attitude Adjustment, I can’t show you the weird self-inserts and nude purple mutants people actually play as.
I do always enjoy that disparity. Even in games with wacky character creators, publishers try to show the serious, official stuff, when really I’m interested in the strange potential. Show me Undertaker and Asuka in a tag-team match against Shrek and a bald Maggie Thatcher. Give me a dramatic Mass Effect E3 trailer where Shepard’s every slider is all the way to the left. I want to see- Jesus! What did Nathan do in Saints Row 4?
Anyway! WWE 2K17. It’s a wrestling game, and an okaaay one at that. Adam has played the PlayStation 4 version plenty and sent this message from his hospital bed:
“The PS4 version is the best WWE game I’ve played in a long time, and maybe the best of the modern era. But being the best modern WWE game is a bit like being the best member of the Dungeon of Doom stable. It gets a lot of the in-ring stuff right, and certainly does triple threats, tag teams and other big matches better than other recent efforts (cage matches are still shit though), but career and universe modes are so undercooked they might as well be Raw. And everyone who knows anything knows Smackdown is better.”
He’ll tell us Wot He Thinks of the PC version once his fingers regrow the flesh lost when Pip pummeled him with a steel chair wrapped in barbed wire.
WWE 2K17 is £39.99/49,99€/$49.99 on Steam. Disappointingly, though not surprisingly, 2K haven’t rolled in WWE 2K17’s DLC to make up for the delayed PC release (four months after consoles, and even those were outdated at launch). Nope, it’s in a £25 season pass (with one piece still to come). 2K do throw in a few Goldberg costumes and bonus arenas but I’d be far more interested in getting even the £3 pack of extra moves because, y’know, who doesn’t want the pixie plumber dad they created to throw Headstand Headscissors?
Ah, sorry, that screenshot up top isn’t enough Shinsuke Nakamura for this post. Here: