Steam Charts: Conangratulations

‘Til all are one, it’s only the weekly Steam charts! These are the ten games which sold best on Steam last week.

It’s one of those ‘just copied and pasted all the HTML from last week’ kind of weeks. This is GOOD because I am lazy but BAD because there is little new to say. Fortunately, I’ve brought a friend along with me this time.

10. RESIDENT EVIL 7 biohazard / BIOHAZARD 7 resident evil

What was until recently Steam’s best-selling new game of 2017 slopes towards the bottom reaches of the top ten, although it may return once the first DLC is released on PC. Platform exclusivity bobbins has sadly restricted it to PS4 until now. I don’t know about you, but I finished the game on PC with a desperate thirst for me, and the longer I have to wait to slake that thirst, the more I start thinking about other drinks instead. Games, I mean. Games. It’s now far less sure a thing than it was that I’ll dive back into Resi 7 – a great shame that all these backroom deals cause this sort of thing.

9. For Honor

Betcha this is going to be another long-tail game for Ubisoft, as Rainbow Six Siege and Division have proven to be. Feels like yesterday we are all screeching “fucked it!” when they announced they were giving Assassin’s Creed a year off after exhausting the series with too many too sequels too quickly, but I imagine this new biz models o’theirs has them rolling around in vaster piles of cash than ever before. When AssCreed does return, look for it to do something similar, I’ll bet.

8. For Honor

Though For Honor is released this very day, both these entries are for pre-orders. That whole ‘last week’ thing I keep having to remind people about, y’see. One of these entries is probably the pre-order for the £15 pricier Deluxe Edition, which includes a few bonus hats and an XP boost – but it might be for the £30 pricier Gold Edition, which also includes a season pass.

FUN FACT: I was going to review this, but Brendy wanted to review it more, so I let him. This is because I am The Best Person Ever.

7. Grand Theft Auto V

Help me, amazing special friend!

6. Ark: Survival Evolved

5. Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Siege Year 2 Pass

A year and a bit ago, Siege was seen as a bit of a bungled launch,but now look at it. In the top ten again – oops, spoilers I guess – and so is its second year of DLC. Like I say – Assassin’s Creed ain’t no thing compared to this stuff. Unfortunately this does mean that Siege now officially enters the Oh God Not This Again category.

4. H1Z1: King of the Kill

3. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

2. Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Siege

1. Conan Exiles

I’m surprised/impressed. I’d figured this was a one-week-and-done affair, as the novelty of swingin’ snorkers wore off and the easily amused wandered off in search of new entertainment. Seems that something more fundamental Funcom’s barbaric multiplayer survival game is clearly clicking for people though, and it’s hanging on strong despite griping about lag and bugs. Conangratulations, Funcom.


  1. Lars Westergren says:

    “Conan, what is best in life?”

    “To crush the competition, to see them driven out of the top 10, and hear the lamentations of their shareholders.”

    • YogSo says:


    • LexW1 says:

      Surely his answer is “To run around with your dong hanging out, and hear the lamentations of players who didn’t push the slider up to maximum. Also the slapping of your dong on your thighs.”

    • magogjack says:

      Funcrom bless.

  2. Fnord73 says:

    Never underestimate the audience for running around with a big penis wawing freely.

  3. Minsc_N_Boo says:

    This feature is officially my favourite thing about RPS

    Alec, For next week, we need to combine the Carlton dance with the Conan uber-dongs. This will cement your title of “Best Person Ever”

  4. Captain Narol says:

    I have 111 games on my Steam Account and I own NONE of those 10.

    I am a proud rebel who doesn’t go with the crowd, yeah baby !!!

    • welverin says:

      I own far more games on Steam than that and yet I too own none of these games.

      • Someoldguy says:

        It’s people like us who inexplicably weaken all of a sudden and click buy that keep GTA V in the charts and Alec entertained week after week :)

  5. int says:

    This is complete balls. Ballsy ballsy ballsy ballsy balls. Double balls and bollocks. It’s balls in the sense of balls.

  6. Danarchist says:

    I have a tower guarded entirely by half a dozen naked amazon chicks with bows. Every few minutes a camp of near naked, or totally naked dudes spawns that the shoot full of holes.
    I call it “Fort Spring Break”
    would buy again

  7. Premium User Badge

    DuncUK says:

    Based on the impressive Willyphysics(TM), I propose that this weeks #1 game is renamed to ‘Conad Exiles’.

  8. brucethemoose says:

    Every time I see H1Z1 on the list, I’m relieved. It means DayBreak’s head is (probably) still above water.

    Which means Planetside 2 isn’t fading away just yet. And that’s always a good thing.

  9. brulleks says:

    “…I finished the game on PC with a desperate thirst for me”

    It being Valentine’s Day, I feel it only reasonable to admit to a desperate thirst for you as well, Alec : )

    • magogjack says:

      “Meer, Meer, on the prowl, won’t you take off your pants and show us your ball(physic)s.

  10. Premium User Badge

    particlese says:

    I was thinking the same, with the qualification that the thirst only (and reliably) comes when I’ve finished a game on PC.

    Edit: in reply to brulleks just above

  11. melancholicthug says:

    Lol why Carlton. Hadn’t seen it in years, back then I watched Fresh Prince on friday nights as I never went anywhere. Ahh, the 90s teen years.