Bucket Detective combats writer’s block with cult rituals

Bucket Detective

Bucket Detective [official site] – a comedy/horror game by the creator of The Static Speaks My Name – is out today. Given Adam called The Static Speaks My Name “possibly the funniest game I’ve played this year” in his 2015 roundup I have high hopes for Bucket Detective.

As per the Steam description, it’s a mostly linear game where you “Help a cult complete a strange ritual in exchange for divine inspiration to finish writing your terrible novel.”

Given I haven’t even started writing my terrible novel, perhaps I should be helping cults with their strange rituals a bit more in real life.

The game itself is out on Steam and Itch.io ($3.99 on both or £2.79 on Ye Olde Britishe Versione Of Steame)

In the meantime I leave you with the interminable bucket-problems of Liza and Henry – a duo sorely in need of their own bucket detective:

There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.

With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?

With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw.

The straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long.

Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, an axe.

The axe is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The axe is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it.

With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, with what?

With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it.

With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, with what?

With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, with water.

In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, in what?

In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, in a bucket.

But there’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

Actually, I’m going to play bucket detective here. Put the stone in the bucket, then lower it into the well, then you have a wet stone and the problem is solved. FOR GOODNESS SAKE, HENRY. USE YOUR NOODLE.

From this site

4 Comments

  1. April March says:

    The game looks great, but I am not confronted with the possibility that The Static Speaks My Name was actually intended to be humorous and that Adam might not be a irreversibly insane for laughing at it. In fact, perhaps the one who is irreversibly insane… was me all along……

Comment on this story

XHTML: Allowed code: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>