Steam Charts: Slam dunk (da funk)

Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So its disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. It must be a creature of the night, black, terrible… it’s only the weekly Steam charts! These are the ten games with the most cumulative sales over the past week.

This week: DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER.

10. Left 4 Dead 2

Well hello, old friend. Back again after a temporary $4.99 discount (it’s back up to $20/£15 now, I’m afraid, which not so long ago I would have met with a ‘bluh but how come not everyone in the known universe already owns this?’ query. That CSGO is in this chart week after week after week after week puts paid to such things, however.

My main memory of Left 4 Dead 2 is Kieron Gillen screaming blue murder at me because I raced ahead of the pack to kill zombos with a sword, and he felt that my back was getting in the way of his guns. Learn 2 Aim, more like.

9. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Wildlands

What a dramatic fall for Ubisoft’s latest open-world psycho-soldier game! It made it to position six last week. I guess middling and even broadly negative reviews (such as ours) have knocked the wind out of its sails, eh?

8. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Wildlands

Ah, silly me. Must be the deluxe edition. Still a bit of a drop. Let’s be honest, this game is clearly dead in the water. Why, I bet it was our Brendy who delivered the killing blow. THE POWER.

7. Blackwake

Last week I erroneously wrote that team sizes in this multiplayer nautical combat game were 16 each, instead of the actual 27. I got confused between the number of crew per ship, rather than the total per team. In order to correct this egregious oversight, I now make this claim:

BLACKWAKE HAS TEAM SIZES OF 90000!

6. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Wildlands

Yeah, alright, but as Ubisoft’s big new game this should be at number one or it’s definitely a disaster and they’ll have to stop making Tom Clancy games forever and ever and ever.

5. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Wildlands

Five? Five is nothing. My three year old daughter could make and release a videogame and it’d get to five. Bee tee dubs, all these entries are because of the additional split between pre-orders and full release last week, on top of the standard/deluxe/gold compartmentalisation.

4. NieR: Automata

A FUNNY STORY: earlier this morning, Adam was telling me how I should dust off my neglected PS4 to play Nioh, which he was certain was my sort of thing due its Dark Soulsiness. I was confused, as everything I’d read about it suggested a fast and furious combofest, a breed of game I struggle with due to mild condition that can affect my manual dexterity in some situations.

Eventually we established that he was talking about Team Ninja’s February release Nioh, while I was thinking of Platinum’s March release NieR (it’s already out on console, but doesn’t reach PC until this Friday, so this placement is based on pre-orders alone). Though I’m sure this unfortunate coincidence has caused complications for both games, I, as a videogames critic for 16 years, should have a complete handle on such things. First Blackwake, and now this.

That’s it: I resign.

3. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

2. H1Z1: King of the Kill

1. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Wildlands

28 Comments

  1. Whiskey Jak says:

    I can deal with all the Vengabus you want. But I wasn’t ready for this shit.

    • Darth Gangrel says:

      After watching that video on the No. 1 spot, I need to take Five.

      Good news for Ubisoft, I guess. Since they made it to the top spot they don’t have to stop making Tom Clancy games.

    • Premium User Badge

      Earl-Grey says:

      Problem is that it’s far too early start drinking. -Also, I’m at work.
      I wonder how long I have to steep my tea before it becomes capable of erasing my memory, or at least kill me?

  2. Ghostwise says:

    People On The Internet Rage Against Ubisoft Games, Then Look In Dismay As They Sell By The Effload started as a recurring motif.

    Then it became a cliché. Then it became a meme. Now it has become a genre. Eventually it might become a medium, then a mythology, and quite possibly a new form of language.

    • Premium User Badge

      phuzz says:

      I quite enjoy a bit of the standard Ubisoft icon-em-up, but even I’m not interested in this new one.

  3. barelyhomosapien says:

    I thought for honor wasn’t great and more trouble than it was worth when I tried the beta/demo, but people seemed to dig it on release, fine.

    I thought Wildlands was awful, I played it with a friend and we were done with it, within a couple of hours as it was so bland, the combat was unsatisfying, and it had awful vehicle handling.

    I’m just going to assume I’ve now hit the age where I don’t understand the general game purchasing public anymore. Especially when it comes to Ubi games.

    • flashlight_eyes says:

      at least rainbow six siege is a beautiful comples treasure, only time ive given money to ubi in years and years

  4. ButteringSundays says:

    L4D2 in the charts – unreal! They literally gave that game away for free a couple years back. Free!

    • Premium User Badge

      DuncUK says:

      I know someone that paid £14 for it, some time after the free giveaway. In between the many and frequent sales at ~£4. Knowingly.

      WTF.

      • Sirius1 says:

        I KNOW, right? All these people who are so busy that they completely miss those sales, yet decide that in their moments of leisure that they are in the perfect mood for that game!

        What are they thinking!

        • April March says:

          “It’s got to have so much spending money that I can completely disassociate it from the value of things I buy”, I suppose.

          Even if they have to add “for values up to and including fourteen British pounds” after it.

  5. Treners says:

    It makes me sad to see Wildlands doing so well. It means Ubi has literally no incentive not to heap more mass-produced map clearing shite onto the pile.

    • grimdanfango says:

      The biggest issue with Ubisoft’s monstrously cynical approach isn’t the quality of the games themselves… it’s that they already *know* what they’re doing is going to work, and keep on working. That’s what makes it so miserable – they’re not just carrying on with the same formula because it happens to stay popular – they *designed* the formula to stay popular. They’ve effectively refined and distilled the art of not only selling pure bottled mediocrity to people over and over again, but having people dependably get whipped up into a frenzy over each and every one.

      To even play one of these games is to expose yourself to an extensive mental conditioning system to make you crave the *next* game they churn out. They’ve managed to extend the carefully planned addiction-forming mechanics honed by MMORPGs to cross between games.

      Say no to drugs, kids!

      • Koozer says:

        Look on the bright side: at least it’s not just CoD forever, we now get different flavours of brown open world collectathons!

        • grimdanfango says:

          It doesn’t really bother me in terms of what I get. I haven’t bought an Ubisoft or EA game in about 5 years… and I have a backlog of maybe 50 diverse, interesting, unique games in my Steam library to play. PC gaming has never been better really.

          I’m just amazed that given such a monumental golden age for PC gaming… the vast majority *still* just go and trawl through the latest Ubisoft open-bland, again and again and again.

          • berowe says:

            Have ya tried it? I hate AAA ripoffs as much as anyone else, but Wildlands is pretty freaking great… I hate to say it, but the good-ole-boy club vibe coming from RPS has turned me off completely now. Your headliner is a photo-op ad from this year’s biggest scam (NMS), and your steam rankings piece is a mess (as usual) but with an extra dose of condescension. You do realize that we pay your bills? F off RPS.

          • grimdanfango says:

            Of course I haven’t tried it. I came to hate the Ubisoft formula years ago, and got fed up kicking myself every time I bought another of their games based on hype, and found it to be a bland collectathon slog. The last I bought was Farcry 3, and despite giving it a good 20 hours to try and get into it, ultimately I absolutely loathed it… unfortunately it was before Steam refunds, so I was saddled with it regardless.
            So long as all of the various media outlets whose opinions I actually trust, keep on reaching broad consensus that each new game they release is treading the same old ground, I won’t touch them with a bargepole.
            I have ARMA 3 to scratch my modern warfare itch when I occasionally feel it… a marvelous, engrosing game. I’ve felt tension in that game like no other.

  6. phlebas says:

    Tom Clancy peels off rubber mask to reveal grinning Ed Sheeran underneath?

    • Plastic Legs says:

      Ed Sheeran wishes he looked like Tom Clancy probably does now.

  7. ThornRage says:

    Me and many of my friends are loving Wildlands. How long will that last? I don’t know. But for now, we are so many we can’t all play together.

  8. bl4ckrider says:

    Ubisoft makes those enjoyable 7/10 games. I loved the Division. It was simple fun and involved no thinking. You start a mission, you shoot everything, you die you, start again, you win, you put points into something to kill more easily. That’s it. Great.

    I expect Wildlands to be the same. If somebody just teaches the AI not to get in my way (cause I don’t like people), I am all in as well.

  9. gwop_the_derailer says:

    If Alec was Jon, Steam Charts was Garfield and the consumers were Jim Davis…

  10. Premium User Badge

    subdog says:

    I blame all of this on RPS picking Far Cry 3 as its 2012 Game of the Year.

  11. Premium User Badge

    Seyda Neen says:

    I see you’ve changed the format. Screenshots are now directly below the game titles. Hooray!

  12. Freud says:

    I won’t play Wildlands based on what I have read about AI and stealth mechanic. It would drive me nuts in an instant.

    I am a bit weak to icon filled maps though. I guess it just tickles my inner hunter and gatherer as well as my OCD. I just can’t leave stuff unfinished. If it’s there I have to go there and do whatever the game tells me.

    Only way for me to not go insane is to only play one game in the series that are known for it. I played Far Cry 3 but won’t play Far Cry 4. I played Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood but won’t play the others (even got the London one for free with my graphics card).

  13. Marblecake says:

    I’m willing to bet your Nier/Nioh misunderstanding came about because both of you are Brits. Had one of you been American, the NieRRrrrrr would have been cleaRrreRrr.

  14. April March says:

    Welp, best read that Tom Clancy Recon Wildlands: Wild Car Friends Edition review now, before its RPS tag is completely taken by articles of Alec crying.

    I mean, I don’t have anything against Alec crying, but sometimes you just want to read the RPS review of Tom Clancy Recon Wildlands: Wild Car Friends Edition or Deadlights: Dead by Daylights without having to scroll through seventeen articles of Alec crying to do so.