Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So its disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. It must be a creature of the night, black, terrible… it’s only the weekly Steam charts! These are the ten games with the most cumulative sales over the past week.
This week: DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER.
10. Left 4 Dead 2
Well hello, old friend. Back again after a temporary $4.99 discount (it’s back up to $20/£15 now, I’m afraid, which not so long ago I would have met with a ‘bluh but how come not everyone in the known universe already owns this?’ query. That CSGO is in this chart week after week after week after week puts paid to such things, however.
My main memory of Left 4 Dead 2 is Kieron Gillen screaming blue murder at me because I raced ahead of the pack to kill zombos with a sword, and he felt that my back was getting in the way of his guns. Learn 2 Aim, more like.
What a dramatic fall for Ubisoft’s latest open-world psycho-soldier game! It made it to position six last week. I guess middling and even broadly negative reviews (such as ours) have knocked the wind out of its sails, eh?
Ah, silly me. Must be the deluxe edition. Still a bit of a drop. Let’s be honest, this game is clearly dead in the water. Why, I bet it was our Brendy who delivered the killing blow. THE POWER.
Last week I erroneously wrote that team sizes in this multiplayer nautical combat game were 16 each, instead of the actual 27. I got confused between the number of crew per ship, rather than the total per team. In order to correct this egregious oversight, I now make this claim:
BLACKWAKE HAS TEAM SIZES OF 90000!
Yeah, alright, but as Ubisoft’s big new game this should be at number one or it’s definitely a disaster and they’ll have to stop making Tom Clancy games forever and ever and ever.
Five? Five is nothing. My three year old daughter could make and release a videogame and it’d get to five. Bee tee dubs, all these entries are because of the additional split between pre-orders and full release last week, on top of the standard/deluxe/gold compartmentalisation.
A FUNNY STORY: earlier this morning, Adam was telling me how I should dust off my neglected PS4 to play Nioh, which he was certain was my sort of thing due its Dark Soulsiness. I was confused, as everything I’d read about it suggested a fast and furious combofest, a breed of game I struggle with due to mild condition that can affect my manual dexterity in some situations.
Eventually we established that he was talking about Team Ninja’s February release Nioh, while I was thinking of Platinum’s March release NieR (it’s already out on console, but doesn’t reach PC until this Friday, so this placement is based on pre-orders alone). Though I’m sure this unfortunate coincidence has caused complications for both games, I, as a videogames critic for 16 years, should have a complete handle on such things. First Blackwake, and now this.
That’s it: I resign.