The RPG Scrollbars: Scenes I Want To See In An RPG…

In which I present a set of freely usable scenarios for any RPG designer to steal.

No, no, no. You’re welcome.






















60 Comments

  1. Gothnak says:

    ‘Why does this skeleton have a health potion on it, i mean why didn’t they just drink it?’

    • Richard Cobbett says:

      “It goes right through me.”

    • wisnoskij says:

      Implying you’ve never died with 10K heath potions you have been hoarding.

      I remember playing thorough King’s Quest: Mask of Eternity without ever using a potion. I had like 20 of every stat boosting potion and thousands of heath potions at the final boss. So I just mashed buttons, ran thought the lava and chopped him to bits.

  2. satan says:

    I see… wow, dragon age, baldurs gate1&2, witcher2or3, dragon age, diablo2, mass effect, that vampire game… could a nice person identify the other games I didn’t recognise?

    • Kreeth says:

      That shot’s from Witcher 2, something to do with roses near a waterfall.

      I _think_ the bridge one is Grim Dawn maybe? I’m sure I’ve played it.

      • Sian says:

        Nah, that interface isn’t Grim Dawn’s. Also, the broken bridge near that start of Grim Dawn is over what looks to be a deep, fast-flowing river and, to the game’s credit, is quickly repaired once you’ve found the materials. Usually a broken bridge leads to a major detour, even if it the river it’s crossing is a shallow little tinkle.

    • titanomaquis says:

      The Pixel Art game is Chrono Trigger, and it is sadly unavailable on PC without the use of emulators. A lot of people cite it as their favorite game ever.

    • Anti-Skub says:

      WoW
      Dragon Age Origins
      Baldurs Gate
      The Witcher 2
      Dragon Age Origins
      Diablo 2
      Ultima 8/9
      Don’t Know
      I think that’s Divinity?
      Icewind Dale I think, only because I don’t recognise the scene from Baldurs Gate.
      Dragon Age Origins
      Baldurs Gate 2
      Don’t know
      Enclave
      Chrono Trigger
      Ultima…maybe 7 or 8?
      Assassins Creed…2 I think, maybe Brotherhood. It’s that stupid end scene where they find out it’s aliens
      Baldurs Gate
      Eye of the Beholder
      Mass Effect
      Dragon Age Inquisition
      Vampire Bloodlines

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        subdog says:

        All three of the Ultima shots are from 9. Your “don’t know” of the guy in the church is one of them.

        • Anti-Skub says:

          Ah. I was never a huge fan of Ultima. My memories of playing them are vague.

          • Emperor Norton I says:

            Well, nobody should have really enjoyed Ultima 9, as it was crap. They tried to make Skyrim in 1999, and strangely enough it really didn’t work.

      • Chaoslord AJ says:

        Made me just realize how much I played really, lol.

      • Rainshine says:

        Missed Mock the Week ;)

    • satan says:

      Thanks people, a few games I’ll have to check out.

  3. LexW1 says:

    I love this, but most of these have actually happened (sadly not the last!), though mostly long-ago, in half-forgotten CRPGs. “Drink half a potion for a scratch, keep the rest” was how it worked in Dungeon Siege, for example.

    Also, just to the nitpickiest nerd possible, WoW doesn’t really do lingerie-plate routinely – to find it you usually have to go delving into obscure low-res level 40-55 armour. You’d be looking more at, well, anything Korean (or Asian in general, but Korean especially).

    • Kreeth says:

      Dungeon Siege’s approach to potions was excellent. Also the loot-hoover key was something I’m still very annoyed to find missing from pretty much every (A)RPG since. Why isn’t this a standard feature?

      Also DS had the Mule – and Torchlight’s expansion of the mule to junk-selling cat (I think I had a cat?) was also something that should have been picked up by pretty much every game where selling mountains of unneeded weapons is a major part of affording better stuff.

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        Mungrul says:

        Diablo 3’s pets will pick up gold, but nothing else.
        Guild Wars 2 has an excellent AoE pick-up; well it did the last time I played.

        But yeah, the original Dungeon Siege did a lot of cool things, although I think it probably ended up doing too many and essentially automated the gameplay.

      • DEspresso says:

        Obligatory Torchlight dog: link to biobreak.files.wordpress.com

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    DelrueOfDetroit says:

    “Why are there poor people here in the first place? There are literally thousands of easily defeated walking ATMs just outside the city gate.”

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      DelrueOfDetroit says:

      “Why does our architecture and society seem to mirror one in which both humans and monsters of immense power don’t exist? It is almost as though everything we build is based on a civilization where the largest threat you have to worry about is attack from other regular humans. Wouldn’t you think these stresses would have a much more significant impact on our daily lives?”

  5. Apologised says:

    The Diablo 2 one pretty much nails Tyraels character.

    • Arathain says:

      Right. To be fair on my buddy Tyrael, this is exactly his attitude. Now, given his status as one of the most powerful beings in that universe, naturally he achieves bugger all, but his heart’s in the right place.

    • Richard Cobbett says:

      They’re not intended as comments on the specific games, just general stuff with whatever screens I could find. Tyrael was just a convenient obvious angel :-)

      • Merus says:

        I suspected this was the case when you used the famous trial scene from Chrono Trigger to suggest, essentially, the trial scene from Chrono Trigger. I mean, it’s brilliant and more games should swipe it, though a lot of why it works is surprise subversion of convention so obviously not every game can swipe it.

        For those unfamiliar with it and willing to spoil yourself: the first scenes of the game have you (literally) bump into a cute girl and mess around at a fair. There’s food to steal and cats to find and singing robots to beat up for tickets, and your weird inventor friend is setting up a teleportation device that reacts to the pendant your new friend has by ripping open the space-time continuum. You follow her into the past and find out she’s the heir apparent and is getting along fine, though a bit concerned that her ancestor’s not around.

        When you return to your own time, the monarchy is Not Pleased and immediately tries you for kidnapping, where your actions during the opening sequence unexpectedly come back to haunt you. Did you bump into her, or did she bump into you? What did you go for first when you knocked her over: the princess, or her pendant? Character witnesses get called – did you take the food on the table? Did you help poor Sally or did you ignore her?

        The chancellor will leave you to die either way, and no matter what you’ll have to escape via a rift in time, but you do get some ethers if you’re found not guilty. So you’ve got that going for you, which is nice.

  6. Gothnak says:

    ‘Hello Merchant, i need a sword to kill Diablo and save the land.’
    ‘That’ll 250,000gp’
    ‘But otherwise we’ll all die.’
    ‘That’ll be 250,000gp’
    ‘Can i borrow it, kill him and bring it back’
    ‘No.’
    ‘Actually, you are unkillable, go and do it yourself.’

  7. Gothnak says:

    ‘Hello Peasant’
    ‘Hello Great Her… Can you not smash up my barrels? Why are you taking my grain? Stop looking in my bookcase, that’s my grandmother’s locket!’

    • Nokturnal says:

      “What items do you wish to trade? Oh wow, I used to have a locket just like this, my grandmother gave it to me! Yeah I’ll give you all my savings for this stuff that looks just like the contents of my living room.”

    • Uglycat says:

      I liked Gothic’s approach on this one.

      • Otterley says:

        Yes, Gothic was good at those small details – people’s reaction to trespassing or you suddenly whipping out your weapons. Was it Gothic that tracked how many items you stole per town? I vaguely remember that you would be called out for looting the place if you overdid it – even if nobody actually saw you in magpie mode.

  8. Biggus_Dikkus says:

    why i can get only 20 silver coins for this golden ingot again? Inflation?!
    *spare a coin me kids are starving (in the forest full of deer and rabbits)

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      phuzz says:

      Why would I give you more than a few silver for this gold ingot? It’s not like I can cook it and feed it to my family.
      It’s basically just a shiny doorstop that’s likely to get me killed by the next loot hungry barbarian that runs past.

  9. silgidorn says:

    Hey, when does the scene of the second image happens in Dragon Age Origins ? I don’t remember seeing Obi wan The Grey (Warden) wearing that armor.

  10. gabrielonuris says:

    “Oh no, I was bitten by a spider! I’m gonna die!”
    “Just drink this health potion and wait for the cooldown, you sissy.”
    “I don’t know… does it work?”
    “I literally did this 34 times on my way down here.”
    “But maybe I should die. You know… for plot reasons.”

  11. Gothnak says:

    ‘Yeah, i have all this cool stuff to trade and have 6000gp on me.’
    ‘Oh, i’ll just kill you and take it all then.’
    ‘Wa…’
    *SLICE*
    ‘Wtf, where did it all go?’

  12. Biggus_Dikkus says:

    ah, not RPG, still good
    Dying light one of npcs barks:
    Dont just stand here, do something

    • icarussc says:

      Totally thought you were commenting in haiku form until I counted the syllables.

  13. lglethal says:

    “Ahah! Bandits! For pillaging that village, I’m going to kill you all!!!”
    “Wait. Are you actually planning to return all this gear to those useless villagers?”
    “Well… no. I mean that’s my payment for tracking you down and killing you. And well some of this stuff is pretty awesome. Why would simple villagers need a Sword of +4 Dragon Killing? I can make much better use of that then they can.”
    “So your basically a Bandit like us?”
    “Wait. What? No. I’m performing a Service.”
    “By not returning the goods?”
    “It’s payment for Services rendered!!!”
    “calm down. Calm down. You know, life is a lot easier if you cut out the middleman.”
    “What?”
    “Why wait for us or some other random bandits to rob some villagers? Then you have to come across those specific villagers, get the details, then come track us down, get into a fight against heavily armoured bandits, and kill everyone before you get the loot. You could just go and attack the villages yourself and get the loot from the beginning? That’s way easier dont you think?”
    “hmmm…..”

    • Kreeth says:

      “hmmmm… Well, in future, I’ll definitely think about putting your advice into action. However, weirdly, we only ever seem to arrive shortly after a bunch of bandits, like your good selves, have cleared out the village in question. Check out my pack – I have 15 plates, mugs and sets of cutlery in there which retail for 1GP each.

      Why’s that, you ask? Because you goons have taken literally everything else apart from a couple of Generic Food Items, which I ate on the way here to heal my broken bones after falling off the bridge next to your camp.

      So, right now, YOU have the Sword of Dragon Squishing +4 and I want it. Can’t risk you coming after me, so let’s go from the top.

      Ahah! Bandits! For pillaging that village, I’m going to kill you all!!!”

      • empty_other says:

        “Wait, show mercy!”
        “Did you show the villagers any mercy when you pillaged them?”
        “Did you see any dead villagers after we pillaged? We just threatened them until they allowed us to take their stuff. We even had to loot it ourselves while they just stood there.”
        “Now when i think about it, i don’t think i saw anyone actually hurt.”
        “We aren’t murderers, and we would really hate for this to get bloody. So how about we just give you back what we stole, and nobody has to die. Okay?”
        “But what about the XP?”
        “The what, now?”
        “There is a dragon on my path to save the world, and i can’t beat it without another level! So for the good of the lands, lets try this once more: Bandits! For pillaging that village, I’m going to kill you all! “

  14. wombat191 says:

    personally ive always loved the “what? im not experienced enough to wear this piece of clothing? hows that work?”

    • c-Row says:

      “The Ballon Trousers Of Em-Cehamma were not tailored to be worn by mere mortals, fool!”

    • empty_other says:

      Its for your own safety. We cant in good conscience let you wear spikes on your armor until you know how to turn around without cutting of your own head.

  15. poliovaccine says:

    “No need to know me on a personal level, never mind be invited – never mind knock! Just come the fuck on in to my house! We’ll strike up a conversation in which I fully entrust you with my deepest personal problems and offer you gold to fix them – even as I seem to come up missing lots of food and valuables after every time you stop by, because every time you crouch you and all your actions become totally invisible to me. I mean whatever! I’m an NPC – I’m just glad to be clicked on and thereby momentarily released from my horrible, purgatorial stasis! I would beg for death if it were in my dialogue tree!”

  16. walruss says:

    “Why yes, I’d love 182 rotted apples. Here’s 91 silver pieces for them!”

  17. mattevansc3 says:

    “Have you considered…”
    “Not to be rude but even though you saved our village from those bandits, I don’t know you. So please stop trying to insert yourself in our private conversation and offering advice on our marriage”

  18. Chaoslord AJ says:

    Can really relate to the bridge dilemma also “barred” doors. Yeah I can do dragon shouts or carry a tactical nuke launcher but that wooden door, I don’t know…

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    DelrueOfDetroit says:

    “Oh hey, by the way, there’s a kingdom on the other side of this continent where I am pretty sure you could single handedly defeat their entire army. Just thought you might like to know in case ‘King’ has a nicer ring to it than ‘lowest ranked guard.'”

    • Darth Gangrel says:

      “I just slaughtered fifty enemies in this fortress, sometimes five heavily armed people at a time. I’m goddamn invincible!”
      “Hahaha, I have you now! I’m only good for scheming, can’t fight to save my life, but me and my three unimposing goons will now lock you up in our dungeon and take all your weapons. Your spells are also useless against my jail’s iron bars, when they previously melted the steel armor off the bodies of my dead captains.”

  20. MacTheGeek says:

    Just once, I’d like to abandon a member of my party because he ignored the fact we were about to venture forth.

  21. corinoco says:

    I’m sorry, I’m in the wrong room; I thought this was Reddit.

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    Benratha says:

    “You want me to wear what?! But it’s freezing out there!
    “So which part of the dragon did this oddly-sculpted ‘breastplate’ come from?”
    “No! that’s just going to chafe horribly with all of the running about. And there are no pockets…”
    “Do you have any vegan options? …
    No nuts or milk either, it does horrible things to my digestion”

    “OK I’m the chosen one. So tell me more about your mouse problem – that sounds super important”

  23. Rorschach617 says:

    “What’s that, young lad or lass, you are on the first steps towards being an adventurer and need a nice easy job that pays well and teaches you the rudiments of combat?

    You won’t find anything like that round here. We put rat poison down in all our basements.”

  24. Rorschach617 says:

    ” ‘Ere, fellow Bandits, listen up! I ‘eard that xxDrontorxx6532, the Dragonslayer, He-Who-Is-Known-As-ElfFriend, the Hero of the Gruesome Marshes, wielder of the sword KillEverything, Warrior of the Light and Dark and Feared across the Eastern Plains, is coming this way. Let’s NOT jump out at him with our rude wooden clubs and makeshift armour because, frankly, we won’t last thirty seconds.”

    • Rorschach617 says:

      And the relevant

      ” ‘Ere, fellow Bandits, listen up! Its been a good banditting season, right? We are all wearing some nice magic armour, our weapons are of the finest steel and enchanted to the nth power. Our treasure chests are overflowing with riches and we could float a galley on our healing potion collection.
      Maybe its time to retire, settle down and buy an inn, you know, before some lone hero comes along and kills us all?”

  25. Dirk says:

    “Ah, the Chosen One! Welcome! Welcome to my humble shop! Thou shouldst have great need of mine carts, wagons and oxen on your… shits to do. Thou doest appear tired and burdened already. Praytell, didst thou not know just how much two hunnered and fiffety thousand golde coins weigh? ‘Tis a right drag, I tells ye.”