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THE BEEF THAT I HAVE WITH STREET FIGHTER V

SFV

Hello. Usually I write perky upbeat stories about plants and walks but today I have BEEF. It is BEEF with Capcom about a missed opportunity in Street Fighter V [official site]! SO much BEEF I could open a butcher shop or a steak restaurant. It is BEEF so important it warranted a trip to Photoshop to rectify the situation AND I had to remember how to use the color layer mode.

First: context.

SO. Today sees the arrival of the Thailand stage in Street Fighter V. Fine. But Capcom are all like “And look! Some of these famous fight people are getting new outfits! For Jobs! And School clichés!”

And I’m like, okay, sure. So there’s one guy who looks really cross about being a firefighter, probably because he has to showcase his million-pack bod and thus has no actual protection from fires on much of his upper body. I get that. It’s a reasonable workplace gripe. It will help power his fighting. Against The Man. For adequate equipment and working conditions.

SFV

Then there’s a cheerleader lady who seems to be wrist-deep in two giant Koosh balls. Good for her. And them. They all seem happy.

SFV

Chun-Li is doing Chun-Li things.

SFV

SFV

And there’s a cool goth lady:

SFV

Then we get to Ryu. “Ryu may be back in school, but he’s still ready to scrap in his Bancho-style costume!”

Mate. If you know anything about school and lads lads lads (I assume Ryu is a bit LADS LADS LADS) on the playground you know that you instantly get cooler and better at fighting if you remove your regulation school uniform tie from the neck position and reattach as a Rambo-style bandana.

This is, like, playground fighting 101! Basic stuff, people!

Look at him here:

SFV

And then look at this ultra-better version I did in Photoshop in like three minutes (plus color layer remembering time):

SFV

How did this oversight happen? HOW? I demand a change.org petition IMMEDIATELY.

Blah blah something something relevant info I guess IF I MUST INCLUDE IT: The costumes are $3.99 / ¥400 / €3.99 each, the stage is $3.99 / ¥400 / €3.99 or 70,000 Fight Money and “Season 2 Character Pass is available now for $29.99 / €29.99 / £24.99, which brings Akuma and Kolin to your roster – plus four more fighters to be revealed later this year. One of these new characters will be revealed soon, along with further details on the second Capcom Fighters Network / Season 2 Balance Updates.”

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Philippa Warr

former Staff Writer

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