E-3? More like, NO THANKS. Making a tradition of last year’s antics, we are taking a stand against the giants of the industry with some anti-E3 coverage. We started by highlighting some short free games that you can play right now, instead of waiting for Wardor, Forzar or Codwar. But we’re not done. Here’s three more silly things you can enjoy now for the sum total of zero pennies.
Instead of Call of Duty: WWII play…
Breach and Clean by a bunch of folks
Take on the hi-octane life of hotel cleaning staff. Faced with a corridor of untidy rooms you and your trolley must prevail against the forces of uncleanliness. Do not let any red ‘do not disturb’ sign get in your way. You are a professional. Stick a blast charge to the door and blow your way into the room, picking up cans, replacing sheets, renewing towels and flushing toilets – all against the clock. Do not let the guests become irritated by hanging around for too long. We need you to go in there and get this done, as clean as possible. Leave no trace. If you must unplug the bath to drain the water while the guest is still soaking in the tub, do so quickly and accurately. Then get the hell out of there, god dammit.
Instead of Need For Speed Payback play…
Bikrash by Hisashimaru
Ragdoll bicycle mayhem with a touch of Motorstorm. Race to the finish line as one of a cadre of violent, clumsy cyclepeeps. Kick left or right to dis-bike your competitors and watch them flailing helplessly to the ground. Ha ha, watch him fly! But – oh no – his bicycle is tumbling in front of you. You swerve to avoid it. Another cyclist gets in your way. You crash together, you’re flying across the asphalt now. More cyclists come up behind you, colliding with both of your felled frames. The whole competition is piling on now, becoming tangled up in the steel spaghetti. As you soar across the tarmac, all the decisions you have made in this life are revealed as a series of senseless errors. Look what you’ve done. You absolute pillock. You’ve ruined everything.
Instead of any JRPG play…
Arc Symphony by Sophia Park and Penelope Evans
The complete antithesis to Final Fantasy VR fishing. This sees you lurking in an old-fashioned message board dedicated to the fictional cult JRPG Arc Symphony. Despite being a total invention, this collective of fans and their ensuing discussions, arguments and sarky remarks make it seem as real as any forgotten FFVII forum. Whether its making snide comments about boss battles on board the Arc Glorious, or giving up on fan fiction about Satoshi and his super best friends, the attention to fandom’s quirks and squabbles is a lot of fun to inspect as an unseen voyeur who offers only brief (sometimes pleasant, sometimes rude) responses to the others. But, in this world of ‘shipping and fan fic, is everyone who they say they are? And more importantly: does that matter?
There’ll be three more freebies tomorrow, cheapskate