FREE 3: A trio of free recommendations for tired souls

We don’t take kindly to E3 round these parts. Well, we do. We think it’s great. But we don’t think it ought to hog all the attention. As part of our alternative E3 coverage we’ve been collecting free games for the past two days that you can play now, rather than waiting for things which – who knows – might never even exist. Here’s the final trio of games, rounding off our triumvirate of FREEDOM.

Instead of The Crew 2 play…

Tracks by Dr Whoop

Those wooden train tracks from your childhood, that calming after-school solace, have been digitised. You can’t feel the smooth grain and chew on the little connecty bits but you can slot them all together to create elaborate and twisting railways that snake over and under each other without any columns of books or tunnels made from VHS boxes. When you’re done making the woody railroad of your flashbacks you can enjoy a first person ridealong aboard a train. Jumps, crossroads, twists, turns. Even that stack of pancakes you fondly remember is right there.

Instead of Assassin’s Creed: Origins play…

The League of Lonely Geologists by Tak

Would you like to be a member of a secretive group of shady individuals who work hard for the good of mankind? Come and be a GEOLOGIST. Here you must find rocks hidden in a small sub-section of dirt. Once found, you get to name and describe the new geological entity. But there’s more about this patch of earth to discover, most notably a portal whose magical rules must be divined through experimentation. Eventually, you’ll find the rocks of others and can, if you like, identify them by thumbing through the large catalogue composed by other players. There are some wonderful descriptions in here. One stone is called a “Roak” and described as “like a rock, but not”. Another is called “Moneyite” and is commonly found in banks, used as paperweights. But there are hundreds more.

Instead of The Evil Within 2 play…

Bertram Fiddle and the Inexplicable Meat Mound by Bertram Fiddle

Monstrous meat mingling. This is a creature creator where you pile different warped and mutated bodybits together to make the most frightening or (more realistically) most goofy thing you can summon into your fetid imagination. You don’t get to fight them, run from them, or analyse your psychological traumas via their appearance. You just get to bring them into this horrid world and take a photograph. And, do you know what? Sometimes that is enough. Even globules of flesh with eyes for genitals deserve to be a part of this cacophonous universe. Who are you to judge? You’ve got organs that don’t even do anything.

Well, that’s all of our free trilogies this year, please join us n– wait, what’s this…

Bonus game!

Instead of watching E3 press conferences, play…

Coming Soon by Edward Yang, Edward Lu, Zuoming Shu & Matt Osowski

You’ve had your fill of PR nonsense from the stage this year, no doubt. “Exclusives”, “gameplay” footage, false banter. But I know your heart still yearns for some buzzwords. In this, you play a man presenting a new videogame called Angle of Incidence. You have to choose the words you think the audience wants to hear. Talk about skyboxes, physics, high resolution, levels, replayability. Hark, the crowd is booing. Quick! Play this game of pong as you continue trying to describe the game itself! Oh no, it looks like they’re turning on you. Get out of there! Can you hear me suit man? GET OUT.

Our antagonistic coverage continues unabated. See more free games or check out these 7 games you won’t find at E3

5 Comments

  1. Neurotic says:

    Every time I hover over a link and it leads to itch.io, my little heart sings with joy!

  2. robotslave says:

    You know, if you gave each of the games in these roundups its own post, and did about twice as many, and kept doing it after E3 ended…

    Well, you’d have a pretty nice little web-site all by itself right there, wouldn’t you?

  3. poliovaccine says:

    Slurp the Purp indeed. Slurp the Purp very much indeed.

    Sorry, I just love imagining some guy getting high on codeine cough syrup and having the *biggest* blast being a made up geologist.

  4. racccoon says:

    Tracks so much better than trackmania :)

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