Steam Charts: Nantucket Edition

As we learnt last week, the Steam Summer Sale feels like the sort of thing that should enliven the charts. Nothing can enliven the charts…

Apart from me!

10. Dark Souls III

There was a old man from Dark Souls III
Whose First Flame expired its warranty
It was the last of the run
The series was done
Apart from of course the DLC

9. Middle-Earth: Shadow Of Mordor GOTYE

There was a young man called Talion
Who fought the cruel forces of Sauron
He invaded their premises
Earning his nemeses
Which all proved to be quite the carry-on

8. Fallout 4

There was a young woman from Massachusetts
Whose shelter was rather abusive
When she finally escaped
She could build her own place
But the instructions were rather elusive

7. Dishonored 2

Choosing either Emily or Corvo
Players could use magic and crossbow
To find the Crown Killer
And choose if to kill ‘er
Before thwarting the silly old Duke’s coup

6. H1Z1: King Of The Kill

I thought this would be a bit of fun
But this conceit is starting to drag on
The rhymes are so forced
The levity divorced
And so far I’m only half done

5. NieR: Automata

The tale of 2B and 9S
Requires replaying over to excess
Few have the time
To see the game shine
But despite this it’s been quite the success

4. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

While this notion at first seemed quite bijou
(Yes, a good word choice, merci beaucoup)
Dishonored’s last line
Wasn’t even a rhyme
I’m wishing I’d chosen to write haiku

3. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt GOTYE

A joke delivered once can be good fun
Written thrice can find laughs through repetition
But ten times it seems
No matter the themes
Becomes a war of attrition

2. Grand Theft Auto V

You know, I thought this would save time
Knocking out lines that kinda rhyme
But without warning
It’s taken all morning
And is about as fun as a war crime

1. Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds

Alice once coined the term Plunkbat [did not! -ed.]
It’s really good fun to say “Plunkbat”
Try with me now
Shout it aloud
PLUNKBAT PLUNKBAT and PLUNKBAT!

Ok, no, I can’t enliven the Steam Charts.

37 Comments

  1. PanFaceSpoonFeet says:

    I once had a car which was orange,
    I drove it until…. shit.

  2. Robert The Rebuilder says:

    Kentucket? Why not Nantucket?

    • Ghostwise says:

      Because Barbie’s friend isn’t named “Nan”.

    • Premium User Badge

      John Walker says:

      Either works? No?

      Yours is probably the right one though – will change.

      • Ghostwise says:

        You and your anti-Barbie agenda !

      • vahnn says:

        You should have left it as Kentucket. I’m disappointed you gave in so readily to peer pressure. Here, try some heroin, John. C’mon, lemme borrow five grand, John. Here, John, try some kale.

  3. AbyssUK says:

    The charts are all the same.
    Is it valve we should blame?
    or should we look deeper
    and blame all the cheeter
    and others that cannot game.

  4. Horg says:

    So predictable
    cheap blockbusters dominate
    the summer sale charts

    • vahnn says:

      That’s why they’re called blockbusters.

      • Horg says:

        I don’t think you got into the spirit of what we were doing here, or that sound I just heard was this comment section wooshing over your head at supersonic speed.

      • Unclepauly says:

        Yup, look at all those busted blocks

  5. antechinus says:

    Though quite fantastically dire
    John’s lim’ricks do natheless inspire
    something… something…
    maybe they don’t, at that
    something ’bout setting them on fire?

  6. womblingfree says:

    A young poetaster named Walker
    Had a notion he thought was a corker
    He’d enliven the charts
    With his poetic farts
    But his bum wasn’t much of a talker

    • grimdanfango says:

      I believe we have a winner.
      I even learned a new word!

  7. NetharSpinos says:

    There was an old website called RPS
    Whose Steam Charts was the cause of much distress
    Everyone put their trust
    in the big Vengabus
    You’re right John, this is really hard

  8. jon_hill987 says:

    Urban Dictionary lists Plunkbat as “coined by a Twitch Streamer” this clearly needs amending.

    • Ghostwise says:

      If we trust my memory, and we shouldn’t, Alice credited a Twitch streamer for coming up with such a good name/abbreviation when she first used “Plunkbat” in yonder RPS pages.

    • April March says:

      I’m as certain that Alice coined the word Plunkbat as that we’ve always been at war with Eurasia.

  9. cardigait says:

    Roses are red
    Violet are blue
    This chart is rad
    Covfefe to you

  10. Blastaz says:

    The fact that Plunkbat has won the summer sale is amazing…

  11. TheDandyGiraffe says:

    Is your idea on how to pronounce “Massachusetts” (namely, that it can somehow rhyme with “abusive”) some sort of twisted revenge on your younger American brothers-in-tongue, for the way they pronounce doughnuts or something?

    • Premium User Badge

      Martell says:

      This. I’m sitting here mouthing those words over and over and wondering if everything I knew about English is wrong.

      Wait, donuts are pronounced differently?

    • Premium User Badge

      John Walker says:

      “sits” vs “sive”. CLOSE ENOUGH

    • NetharSpinos says:

      This has piqued my interest. How do you pronounce Massachusetts? The way it is pronounced in England-at least, as much as I have heard- is, as John suggests, completely in rhyme with abusive.

      • Premium User Badge

        teije says:

        For the longest time, I couldn’t help pronouncing it as “mass-a-two-shits”. Which always made it difficult to travel to that fine state.

      • Premium User Badge

        DelrueOfDetroit says:

  12. Premium User Badge

    Aerothorn says:

    John I love this idea but the meter is off on so many of these.

    Which I guess demonstrates that writing a limerick is a lot more work than most people assume!

  13. Ejia says:

    The Steam charts claim another victim. Boom boom boom boom.

    Which poor RPS staffer is next to get sacrificed?