Total Warhammer 2 vid prances with High Elves

A new gameplay video for Total War: Warhammer II [official site] focuses on the High Elves, or ‘pricks’ as everyone else calls them. The 11-minute narrated gameplay video shows off units including the Dragon Princes of Caledor (pricks), Phoenix (prick), Frostheart Phoenix (icy prick), and the Phoenix Guard (heaving sack of pricks). If you want to watch a band of wanks in big hats beating up some ace lizards because they’re jealous of the lads’ bodypaint and topless japery, 1) this is the video for you 2) what does that say about you?

“This battle was created in a custom battle using an early work in progress of the game,” the devs note, “and some elements, such as visuals and stats are subject to change.”

‘High Elves’! Give over. The only thing high about you is your opinion of your oh-so-fancy selves, you dying empire of dickheads.

Along the Lizardmen and with this pan of tosspots, Total Warhammer 2 will bring Dark Elves and a yet-unconfirmed fourth faction who, going by a cheeky hint in one trailer, are probably the Skaven ratfolk. It’s off to visit new lands too, though players who own both Twarhammers will, some time soon after launch, get a big campaign map piecing their bits of the world together.

Twarhammer 2 is due on September 28th. Many more wars are totally in development, with one new game visiting a period in history the series hasn’t seen so far and another, the first of the ‘Total War Saga’ spin-offs, returning to Romans.


  1. Sian says:

    The first paragraph is gospel where the pricks are concerned.

    I’d like to fix something for you, though:
    “a yet-unconfirmed fourth faction who, going by a cheeky hint in one trailer a lot of unsubtle, heavy-handed hints, are probably without a shadow of a doubt the Skaven ratfolk.”

    I mean, they can’t not be the Skaven.

    • Serenegoose says:

      The who? GW are very unlikely to let CA just come up with an entire faction, especially one involving talking rats. Bit farfetched, really…

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      phuzz says:

      If they introduce Skaven then we’re running the risk that Kieron will come back and start making horrible puns at us.

      Skaven: Just Say No-arrrgggh-please-stop-aahhhhhhhhhh-noooooooooooooooooooooo

    • SanguineAngel says:

      Someone detain this person, they are talking gibberish.

      • Captain Narol says:

        You know nothing-thing, Man-Thing…

        • cpt_freakout says:

          Oh hello there good neighbor. Your moustache sure is looking better every day! By the way I heard some skittering noises in your backyard yesterday. Soon after, my wife, always the silly one, said she saw you drop a tail from under your robe last night, imagine that! Haha! Don’t worry though, I too, am a fan of whips. Say, your eyes are very red today, you really should go see the apothecary.

      • mactier says:

        I so agree, what the hell is going on with people, and why are they tolerated to be so fucking unrestrained in talking that way. Seriously, that is some weird psychological shit I simply don’t even understand. (You can have your ironic undertones/overtones of course, but my statement is still fairly sincere.)

        I think this might even show some serious issues with people in general (I mean the irrationality and intensity of it, I have no problem with normal tastes or a bit of taking the piss out of something).

    • Sian says:

      It’s all fun and games until someone loses a city, guys.

  2. Iaksones says:

    “It’s off to visit new lands too, though players who own both Twarhammers will, some time soon after launch, get a big campaign map piecing their bits of the world together.”

    Oh, now I’m interested! I hadn’t looked into why they were doing a sequel.

  3. Eightball says:

    Remove knife-ears.

  4. stringerdell says:

    High Elves rule, lizard boys drool

    • SanguineAngel says:

      Dark Elves stick knives in both of them while they’re arguing then do something unspeakable to their corpses

  5. goodgeorge says:

    It seems to me that there is a well hidden message here that Alice likes lizardmen more than elves. I might be wrong though as it is only subtly hinted.

  6. FreshHands says:

    Just saying that this article and its comment section are a horrible example for racism towards our fantastic brethren.

    I mean, the amount of cheap prejudices is staggering:

    “bodypaint and topless japery”, “you dying empire of dickheads”, “stick knives in both of them”

    Can video games journalism get any lower?

    • Iaksones says:

      Them elves is just a bunch of treef***ing Mary Sues wot reckon basalt is what you put on yer mutton.

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        Iamblichos says:

        Och, aye! Tell ’em, lad!

      • Sian says:

        No, the treebotherers are the other knife-eared pricks – basically your garden variety. These here are the hoity-toity, magic-bothering sort. Still pricks, as stated in the article, but different pricks.

        • king0zymandias says:

          There’s quite a bit of treebuggery going on in Averlorn too.

  7. chuckieegg says:

    Your just one of them poor kids who couldn’t afford Elf models at £5 each. Poor kids always had Skagen armies lol.

    • Darth Gangrel says:

      The Danish from the town of Skagen couldn’t even afford that! They had to watch all the other kids play with them while eating their Toast Skagen, link to

  8. Thirdrail says:

    *eyes narrow*

    Are you trying to sell me a $60 expansion pack by naming it like a sequel. Because it sure feels like you’re trying to sell me a $60 expansion pack by naming it like a sequel.

    • Captain Narol says:

      In fact, it’s a complete game in 3 parts that you can play separately and they are selling you each part for $60.

      Smart, isn’t it ?

      Or you can play the “Warsword Conquest” Mod for M&B Warband and have the same whole world for almost nothing, the choice is yours.

    • Sian says:

      I think it’s perfectly okay to criticise the admittedly high price of the games, but it’s not accurate to call Warhammer 2 an expansion of Warhammer 1. Expansions don’t usually add the same amount of content as the original game does, and they aren’t playable as a stand-alone game either. I think it’s fair to ask for the same price if you offer the same amount of content, though whether or not that price is too high is something everyone ought to decide for themselves, of course.

      In fact, it could be argued that Warhammer 2 will have more content, seeing as it’s got its own kind of campaign with an additional victory goal and associated content.

    • Captain Narol says:

      M&B Warband : $20

      Mod “Warsword Conquest” : Free

      The despair in the eyes of the financial directors of Sega and GW : Priceless !

      • Sian says:

        Despair? I doubt it. TW:W has solved over 1,5 million times. The mod is a different game in a different genre, it’s unfinished and development is slow – understandably, as they don’t have the resources SEGA can provide CA.

        I’m not knocking the mod, but it’s not what I, personally, am looking for when I play TW:W. Also, I’ve the money to pay for quality so I don’t mind much, and I’m certainly not the only one to think so.

        • Sian says:

          Solved? Been sold, of course.

        • Captain Narol says:

          I know, I was just ironic and imagining a “what if” scenario in which people would choose the Mod over the TW game…

          Anyway, as far as I am concerned, I had more fun playing this Mod than any of the TW games that I ever bought, at the only exception of the first R:TW that I still consider a perfect gem.

          It’s quite cool, compared to TW games, to have the possibility to mix troops from various races and then lead your colorful army in person during 3D battles to stomp your ennemies and conquer your share of the old world!

          • pentraksil says:

            I am glad you like the mod, but still not sure why you insist on comparing the TW and the mod, since they are completely different genres and games….I mean, by that logic, why wait for Skaven in TW when you can play Vermintide, right? Makes no sense at all. Also, R:TW is far far faaaaaar from a perfect. It is a gem, but nowhere near perfect, especially considering some TW’s after that.

      • SaintAn says:

        You’re probably not smart enough to understand this given your comments, but TW Warhammer is a very well made game that is a blessing for Warhammer Fantasy fans, which is now a dead setting. It is the most fairly priced, well made, and consumer friendly DLC I’ve yet to see in gaming. And the base game launched with a lot of content only to improve for everyone over time, including the people that didn’t buy the DLC.

        You may think only 4 races at launch is not enough when other TW games have a lot more playable factions, but it takes a lot more work and money to create four very different fantasy races, all their armor, animations, dialogue, units, etc, very different from each other.

        The sequel isn’t an expansion, it’s a full game from what they’ve said. There’s four new races with the all new everythings they require, a new map that is supposed to be bigger than the last, and they do use assets from the first game, but they add diversity to the sequel with factions of the other races.

        I could go on but I’m bored now.

        • Okami says:

          You’re probably not smart enough to understand this given your comments

          While I also disagree with his comment, the first sentence of your reply pretty much makes everything you write afterwards irrelevant. If you want to be taken seriously, don’t start with an insult.

  9. mitthrawnuruodo says:

    Goodness this High Elves faction looks to be woefully under-powered. Well have fun squishing the puny Elves.

  10. Hieronymusgoa says:

    “Carl, stop prancing!”

  11. ChiefOfBeef says:

    So I notice they have the battle time limit set to 60 minutes, yet still haven’t fixed the problem of battles being over in a little over 1/10th of that.