AMD’s THREADRIPPER is not a name I created?

THREADRIPPER, I have only just discovered, is the dramatic name of AMD’s new high-end processor line launching in August.

My immediate questions are: when did AMD hire me and why can I not remember?

I’m sure AMD have some very talented copywriters and productnamers but when they name a processor THREADRIPPER and declare their CPU launch schedule to be an “onslaught” I know that it must have been written by me.

Me, who coined 2016’s smash-hit slang name for a fast PC, “silicon-snorting framecrusher”. Me, who’s tipped for Time Person of the Year 2017 for creating its opposite, “digestive-dunking framenudger”. Me, who says things like “pigrig … ripped full of beef with chops to spare”. Me, who writes this garbage every damn day.

Why can’t I remember THREADRIPPER? It must have been me. It couldn’t not have been me. AMD announced Threadrippers in May, when I was… where was I? Why can’t I remember?

AMD’s Jim Anderson, the SVP and GM of computing and graphics, today announced prices and details and things for the superstar Ryzen Threadripper 1950X. The THREADRIPPERS!!! are due in early August. Here comes the science bit, concentrate:

“You know about its 16 cores and 32 threads, but it also delivers a 3.4 GHz base clock and a 4.0 GHz boost. And I’m happy to say we’ve priced the Ryzen Threadripper 1950X at a suggested retail price of USD $999, bringing incredible price/performance ratios to the High End Desktop (HEDT) market. Joining the 16-core CPU will be the Ryzen Threadripper 1920X, which packs 12 cores and 24 threads, a 3.5 GHz base clock and a 4.0 GHz boost, at a USD $799 suggested retail price.”

THREADRIPPER!

It must have been me. I don’t know what caused me to forget but, just in case this happens again, I am registering every dreadful name currently sloshing round my head:

  • Tickthrasher™
  • Boxbuster™
  • Monsterherz™
  • Pinchoker™
  • Rigrash™
  • Dataduke™
  • Corecano™
  • Bitbasher™
  • Datadeglover™
  • Gamelord™
  • SIMDslammer™
  • Threadchugger™
  • Processprolapser™
  • Loadmother™
  • Cachechamp™
  • Bitbutch™
  • Proghuffer™
  • Bytegouger™
  • Framechomper™
  • Beefblaster™
  • Sockethog™

I’m watching you, AMD. And don’t you get any ideas, Intel.

43 Comments

  1. Premium User Badge

    Grizzly says:

    Have you had any neuromods installed lately?

  2. Ghostwise says:

    Flopstuffer ?

    • robotslave says:

      Thank you, faster-than-me person.

      I can’t wait for the follow-up products: “PynkingShears,” “Bobbyn,” “Thymble,” “GreasePencyl”…

  3. Scrote says:

    These are all going to be the names of my characters in the next RPGs I play.

    • Zenicetus says:

      They would all be great names for CDPR’s Cyberpunk game player characters. I like Rigrash in particular. Loadmother has potential too.

  4. Premium User Badge

    subdog says:

    “Datadeglover”

    NO THANKS.

    • Premium User Badge

      EasyStar says:

      yeah I could’ve done without that mental image thanks.

      The rest have potential though

      • Zap Brannigan says:

        Because I am a frequent Pinchoker™, I developed a Corecano™ with a RigRash™ on my SocketHog™. Im in such MonsterHertz™ that I wont be a Beefblaster™ for a long while. I might have to ask my Loadmother™ to let me see a doctor who is a Cachechamp™ at treating my Boxbuster™.

        Yeah, I’ll show myself out now.

  5. Sava1ex says:

    What about Taserface?

  6. kalzekdor says:

    Mutexmauler™

  7. Premium User Badge

    CrackedMandible says:

    Processprolapser™

    !!!!!!!!!!

  8. vorador says:

    And they call their server processor line EPYC.

    Yep. Seriously.

    I personally like Framechomper™. I now know what to name my next rig

    Alice, I will give you a beer for royalties on the name. That’s my bottom line.

  9. automatic says:

    Lol. Alice is the best. The reason I chose articles to read based on author rather than topic.

  10. durruti says:

    when i read the title i wanted to shout: “alice, you better up your game!” then i read the article…

  11. Premium User Badge

    Nauallis says:

    Well, that was an awkward list.

  12. brucethemoose says:

    Wait, TR on RPS? Is AMD gonna market this to gamers?

    I don’t think a game that would be faster on TR than an 1800X even exists. Even if you’re one of those multi-instance MMOers, you’d need to juggle alot of them to benefit.

  13. Premium User Badge

    john_silence says:

    I once had a PC chassis actually called “Dragonlord.” Needless to say it was the most uncool thing ever to enter a house in which my fiancée lives (apart from me, arguably), and of course the brand behind it called itself “Lancool.”

    • Premium User Badge

      Nauallis says:

      Technically the company is Lian Li, and they are Taiwanese. The brand is aimed at gamers… and you bought it, so the naming appears to work :)

  14. Premium User Badge

    Don Reba says:

    Saved the list in my notes, just in case I run out of names while coding.

  15. Premium User Badge

    Don Reba says:

    Symmetryviolator™

  16. Jonnyuk77 says:

    Three Dripper… 3Dripper….

    That’s all I see when I read the name now.

  17. AbyssUK says:

    A serious question, could one build say a super server with a threadripper or other over the top devices with a few powerful gfx cards, then serve out games over a gbit network. I forsee it being cheaper in my house in the future instead of having 3-4 mid/high end gaming PC’s. Just one game server PC and multiple “link” devices would be easier to handle.

    • FeepingCreature says:

      If you run multiple graphics cards, it should be doable to run multiple VMs, each owning one graphics card via PCI passthrough, then run Windows on each and use Steam in-home streaming. Though I’m not convinced it would be cheaper at all, and if you had multiple games playing at once your memory performance would tank.

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