A godlike penguin destroyed 1,000 vikings 45,000 Persian Immortals cut down 600 ogres when our Brendan played Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator earlier this year. It was a janky bit of fun, a silly way to watch silly battles. Mate, you’ve seen nothing yet. The new hotness in simulated silliness is Beast Battle Simulator [Steam page], which does a similar thing of throwing units into big fights, but with animals and dinosaurs. How many bears to defeat a T. rex? And how many if those bears have flamethrowers strapped to their heads? You can find out now, as Beast Battle Simulator launched into early access today. Peep this foolishness:
Janky? Yes. Scrappy? Defs. Wonky? Absolutely. Flimsy? You know it to be true. A game where you can make a flock of seagulls fight heavily-armed dinosaurs and self-detonating swine? Undeniably.
I suspect that if my young cousin finds out about this, he might never play any other video game.
As you’d expect, Beast Battle Simulator has a sandbox mode where players can throw down animals, dinosaurs, and weapons, then watch the action unfold and jump in themselves if they want. It also has a challenge mode and some sort of football mode, because why not?
£6.29 on Steam right now. Developer Dog Hoggler (yep) expects to launch in full after 3-6 months of adding new beasts, challenges, and such.
I can now say I’ve seen a video game where giraffes strapped with miniguns charge into battle against a herd of triceratops, and that wasn’t true this morning.