Headbutt the pucking ref in Super Blood Hockey

Super Blood Hockey

I’m moving to Canada next month. Every Canadian I mention this too ends up asking the same question: “Do you like hockey?” It’s like a religion over there, apparently. I’ve never watched a game in my life, but once you reach international airspace apathy is not an option (and don’t you dare call it ‘ice hockey’). So perhaps playing the newly-released, ultra-realistic sim Super Blood Hockey [official site] would be a good way to assimilate with the locals.

It’s a game without rules, it boasts. Expect huge brawls with up to 24 hockeyists, spells that make you vomit blood, broken bones, bashed-in skulls, violent seizures and and lots of flashy goals. Oh, and if you lose you bring shame on your country and that means execution, whether by Korean tank or getting chewed up by an ice resurfacer in front of a Canadian mountain. Like I said, ultra-realistic.

It looks very fun and frantic, and its original prototype was one of Brendan’s favourite freebies of last year. This full release contains two main game modes: Global Showdown, a world-wide ice-hockey tournament, and a Challenge mode with a variety of scenarios, including 4 vs 8, controlling the goalie manually and a 12 vs 12 ‘Mega Rumble’ that sounds incredible.

It’s an ongoing project and developer Loren Lemcke is searching for feedback from players so that he can later add new features. If you fancy it, skate over to Steam, where launched earlier this month at £5.59/7.99€/$7.99.


  1. Don Reba says:

    (and don’t you dare call it ‘ice hockey’)

    Why would you? It’s not like there’s any other kind.


    • Durgendorf says:

      There’s field hockey, though I don’t think anyone jumps to that when they hear “hockey”.

      • gou says:

        i do. the trauma of secondary school PE with no protective gear whatsoever runs deep

      • Sin Vega says:

        You probably do if you grew up in the UK, and had to play it at for PE. Well, strictly speaking the actual game was a variant called “give all the vicious psychopaths heavy sticks and pretend not to see whatever they choose to do with them. Also shin pads are for your mortal enemy, The Gays”.

        • Martijn says:

          Here in the Netherlands hockey is even bigger. Both the men and women this weekend won the European Championships. This is the front page of today’s paper: link to krant.volkskrant.nl

          On the other hand I don’t know anything about the Dutch ice hockey team. Probably they play matches against countries like Ireland, Bulgaria and Moldova for 10 people.

      • RuySan says:

        There’s rink hockey which is the standard in Portugal, Spain, Italy and Argentina. It’s actually the second most popular sport in these countries.

        So yes, I say ice hockey

        • Canadave says:

          Jeez, are you saying that you don’t even use the right term for roller hockey?

          • RuySan says:

            We just call it “hockey”. I had to check Wikipedia to check what was called in English:) Apparently “rink hockey” is american english.

          • Canadave says:

            I’ve honestly never heard it called “rink hockey” until I saw your comment. Hockey on roller skates has always been “roller hockey” to me, and a rink is a place with ice sheets.

        • Halk says:

          Rink hockey is definitely not the second most popular sport in Italy. Probably not even the tenth.

          • RuySan says:

            Geez.. So apparently we Portuguese are only good at it because nobody else except for the Spanish care about this sport.

            Even though this is very much a local phenomenon. Some towns have their teams while others don’t, and so the sport passes by completely for some people.

            Not for me thought. I love it and played it briefly when I was a kid, but had to quit because it was at the same time as the Denver dinosaur cartoons on TV and I had to choose.

          • Darth Gangrel says:

            @RuySan As someone who loved the Denver cartoons and isn’t a sports fan, I say you made the right choice.

  2. Cyrus says:

    If you are interested in hockey, you will have an easy entry to the Canadians, from my limited experience. Nevertheless true.

    I could certainly see myself living there from that point of view.

    • Massenstein says:

      This is true for Finns, too. Which makes me an odd bird here. I couldn’t care less about hockey and I am usually just relieved if we drop out of championship early because that means less noise. :)

  3. DelrueOfDetroit says:

    “ice resurfacer”

    Lesson 1: it’s called a Zamboni.

    • Amstrad says:

      Lesson 1: it’s called a Zamboni.

      Even when it’s not technically a Zamboni and instead of a different manufacture!

      • DelrueOfDetroit says:

        Find me a single Canadian who calls it an “ice resurfacer.”

        • Don Reba says:

          I’m pretty sure it’s a question on the citizenship test.

  4. teije says:

    How to be an instant Canadian. Be self-deprecating and say “sorry” a lot. Claim you like winter. Talk about the weather. Support multiculturalism (even if you’re not entirely sure what that means). Say you like Junior A hockey more than the NHL because it’s more authentic.

    You’re welcome.

    • Rituro says:

      “Claim you like winter.”

      On the west coast, we modify this slightly to:
      “Brag about your superior, snow-free winters.”
      “Freak the (expletive) out when bizarre white flakes sprinkle down from the sky.”

    • Blad the impaler says:

      The authenticity spectrum goes like this, actually: men’s international competition < NHL < women's international < Major Junior < Junior Hockey (A-C levels) < Your cousin's kids’ Saturday morning Peewee practice < pond hockey.

      • Cyrus says:

        Dear God.

      • pandiculator says:

        But pond hockey is empirically demonstrable to be superior to other forms of hockey!

        • Blad the impaler says:

          Perhaps my order or magnitude list wasn’t clear. It is the most authentic of all hockeys, I agree.

    • Samuel Horti says:


  5. bhauck says:

    If you, or anyone else, wanted to give playing real hockey a try now that you’ll be living in its native home, I always say it’s easier to pick up as an adult than you’d expect, even if you have absolutely no prior experience. None of the steps below should feel like the work you have to put in to get to the good stuff: if you hate skating, ice hockey’s not going to be for you anyways.

    Step 1: Take as many skating lessons as you need to feel like you know how to skate, even if you’re not comfortable doing it yet. Even a total beginner will only need a couple lessons to get the hang of it. If you knew how to skate once upon a time, even twenty years ago, go ahead and skip this step.

    Step 2: Go to as many open skate sessions as you need to feel comfortable on the ice. This might be two, or it might be 25 over the course of a year and a half. The point is to get you comfortable out there, not to make you a good skater.

    Step 3: Rinks usually have something like a sticks and pucks session, where you skate around in circles stick-handling and shoot at empty nets. You usually only need a helmet and gloves for equipment. A couple of these mixed into the later stages of Step 2 isn’t a bad idea.

    Step 4: Buy some used equipment and find a “Rec” level league. I usually see A, B, C, Rec as the descending order of play level. I can imagine some places calling it an “Instructional League” instead of a “Rec League.” This is the big sell: no one should have any expectations of you in a Rec league other than that you try and have a good attitude. No one will yell at you for whiffing on a shot or falling down or winding up on the wrong side of the ice.

    Step 5: That’s it, you’re an adult playing hockey on a team, drinking cheap beer in the locker room and learning to appreciate the smell of hockey gear. If you skated as a kid, you could race through the prep steps in 3-5 skating sessions over a month, or you can stretch it all out over as long as you need if you’re new to skating or don’t want to skate every week.

    PS: Yes of course I pasted this in from a comment I made somewhere else 2 years ago. Sorry it’s so long.

    • Samuel Horti says:

      Thanks for this, I’ve been thinking about giving it a try – main worry is the equipment cost. But I’ll look into it a bit more!

      • bhauck says:

        Glad I could help! The equipment cost is real, but probably more reasonable than you’d expect. Skates and a helmet aren’t the worst things to have in a cold country, even if you don’t wind up playing much hockey, and then you don’t need to buy everything else until you’re really ready to start playing. And then, being in Canada, you should be surrounded by mountains of used stuff, some of which you might be able to get for free. Once you’re skating at a rink, they should help you out with everything else.

    • RuySan says:

      Please don’t call it “real hockey”:p.

      Btw, we also have ice hockey here in Portugal, with the championship composed only by two teams last I checked:)

  6. Sin Vega says:

    I played this about a year ago when it was in a more primitive state and it was already a great laugh. The first sport game I’d enjoyed for years.

    • cpt_freakout says:

      I played it after Brendan’s recommendation and had a really good time, so now that there’s a new and improved version that lets you play with up to 3 friends it’s an insta-buy… and the only sports game I like is Rocket League.

  7. Syrion says:

    I was never interested in sports game. None, not even the arcadey ones. Until I played “Blades of Steel” from yesteryear with a friend a few weeks ago and, well… that was great fun! This looks pretty similar, and similarly simple, so probably similarly simply fun!

    I just felt really uneasy about the execution thing watching the trailer. “SJW” maybe, but it seems… wrong.

    • MajorLag says:

      That term applies to militants. As long as you aren’t trying to ban the game or harass the creator it shouldn’t apply to you.

      However, it should also be noted that using the term at all instantly marks you as one of the whiny children of the alt-right, and you’ll have to go to bed without any pudding.

    • RuySan says:

      Played the hell out of blades of steel in the Amiga. During the break there was a commercial for Castlevania and made me dream of getting my hands on that game.

      Lucky me I didn’t, because apparently the Amiga version is trash

  8. Agnosticus says:

    How good is this game compared to Super Slam Dunk Touchdown? Would love to know!

  9. briangw says:

    Former long time North Carolina resident and also where I grew up at guy here. I moved to Minnesota about 18 years ago and the second placed we lived, my neighbor asked me where I was from. I told him and he then proceeded to exclaim ‘You must love NASCAR.’ I politely told him I never care for the sport (is it really a sport?) and said I preferred College and Pro football and College and Pro basketball.

    But since I am not a recent NW Minnesota transfer, almost everyone up here lives and dies hockey. Just a few years ago, I finally learned about the various penalties. Offsides still confuses me more with how fast the puck and players hang out by the blue line and when the refs call it. But their UFC fights can be amazing!

    • teije says:

      Minnesotans are like honorary Canadians. Minnesota nice and all that.

      • briangw says:

        I can agree with that. Because North Carolinians are definitely not as nice.

  10. melancholicthug says:

    I think you need to watch the movie “Goon” and its sequel “Goon: Last of the Enforcers”. That’ll teach you everything there is to know about hockey on ice. And Canada, by proxy.

    • BewareTheJabberwock says:

      Don’t even set foot in Canada until you’ve seen “Slap Shot”. Better if you watch it enough times to have entire swaths of dialogue memorized.

  11. kalzekdor says:

    Huh. Looks like someone put Blades of Steel and Nintendo World Cup in a blender and turned it up to 11. Neat.

  12. MajorLag says:

    What’s all this talk of Blades of Steel? It’s clearly more closely related to the far superior Ice Hockey: link to youtube.com

    BTW, have I mentioned how much I miss Freeloaders lately?

  13. Jerppa says:

    Remember that time when you went to a fistfight and a hockey game broke out?

  14. Deadly Habit says:

    I’d love to see some hazards on/under the ice like in Mutant League Hockey.