Steam Charts: Brand New Edition!

The Steam Charts aren’t, as you may have been led to expect, large sprawling maps depicting the locations of all the world’s known steam. They were, but due to government pressure we’ve altered them to list the top ten selling games on Steam, in reverse order, like a rocket taking off.

10. Divinity: Original Sin 2

As the game prepares to leave early access in just over a week, interest is revived once more in the tactical RPG. But I think we need to focus our efforts on enjoying the utter ridiculousness of a game with the word “original” and “2” in its title.

I propose, for the final release:

Divinity: Original Sin 2: Originalier

9. Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Siege

There will always be Clancy. As season 3 of the latest take on Rainbow Six approaches, you can now buy a Starter Edition of Siege, at the much lower price of £12, which is why it’s seeing itself in the charts this week.

The price to the purchaser is a different way of unlocking operators, which requires a bunch more grinding. Amazingly, that’s the phrase they use in their own FAQ. “Requires additional grinding.” Surely they could have sold that better? “Requires additional matchplay.” “Requires bonus time spent with the game!” Come on, “Requires grinding”? You might as well write that you can skip this by some icky IAP like “Purchase Renown Boosters”. Oh wait, they do write that.

Although my absolute favourite bit in this FAQ about the Starter Edition is this:

If I played the Free Weekend and unlocked some operators, will they stay unlocked?

Yes. However, if you purchase the Starter Edition, you’ll need to unlock those operators again.

That’s a bold use of the word “yes”!

8. XCOM 2

War Of The Chosen has been rather loved, not least by our Alec, and – spoilers – it’s in the de facto top spot this week. So it’s no surprise to see the base game required to play it also finding its way into the charts, not least because for the last week it’s been 60% off.

It’s back to a whopping £35 for the year and a half old game now, making the full cost of Chosen an eye-watering £70. I find it bemusing there isn’t just a sensible discounted bundle of the two, but apparently not.

7. The Escapists 2

Splendid to see this sticking around for a second week in the charts. Brings hope in a world of H1Z1s (which still hasn’t found its way back into the top 10). Of course, the downside is that it’ll definitely inspire a spate of prison break-outs. You’ll see – prisoners will be lining the streets within the month after word about this ESCAPING FROM PRISON TRAINER gets out.

I’d love to see that tabloid story. I think I could sell it to the Daily Express without too much trouble. Maybe there’s a fortune to be made this way?! Applying my knowledge of games that have come out in the last three decades to write scare stories for profit!

6. Grand Theft Auto V

After a two week hiatus due to global pandemic, our ongoing series, What Are Rockstar Spending All The GTA V Money On? returns.

What Are Rockstar Spending All The GTA V Money On?

OK Cupid accounts.

5. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

WHO HASN’T BOUGHT A COPY OF THIS YET?!

And what were they waiting for?! What was it about the last week, let alone every other week of every other year for the last five years, that made enough people finally decide it was time to buy CS:GO for it to be in the top 10?

I want to hear from these people! The guesswork at SteamSpy puts the game on THIRTY THREE MILLION owners. That’s the population of Canada!

4. Absolver

You know how two game names get swapped in your brain’s wiring, and it’s fundamentally impossible to rewire it for the rest of your life? There’s no sensible reason to it. For me, Absolver and Overgrowth have become entirely interchangeable, and I remain perplexed that the freshly released ethereal fighting game doesn’t feature aggressive bunny rabbits.

Fraser reviewed it for us, and found it an intriguing but too-short and rather glitchy experience.

3. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt – Game of the Year Edition

40% off, if you’re wondering about its sudden return.

2. XCOM 2: War Of The Chosen

The number one issue with my dad being dead is I can never play another XCOM game. Dad’s job was to do the difficult (boring) bits like all the tactics, and my job was to do the shooting. He worried about inventories and soldiers and, I dunno, spaceship wallpaper, but I moved the little dudes around on the tiled ground and lost all his hours and hours of progress. We were an incredible team. So until I get a new dad, I’ll never find out if XCOM 2 is the same as UFO: Enemy Unknown, so I’ll just assume it is.

1. Playerunknown’S BaTTlegrounds

This week’s bit of music is Noname’s Tiny Desk Concert, a thing of real joy:

29 Comments

Top comments

  1. eeguest says:

    If you still haven't figured it out, here it is:
    Rockstar is spending money on CS:GO and Valve is spending money on GTA V. Thank you Captain Obvious.
  1. Sleepery says:

    John! you eventually get to BE the dad, and provide all sorts of wise and ancient tactical advice to your own budding commanders, all the while decrying how much harder it was in your day. When the bastards used to wait right outside your just-landed skyranger.

  2. BlitzThose says:

    with CS:GO being in the top 10 all the time I suspect its people replacing VAC banned accounts keeping it there, fucking script kiddies

    • vorador says:

      Same reason that two years old GTA V is always there despite costing full price. Every f*cking week.

      People getting banned, then rebuying the game on alt accounts.

      People are weird.

      • Captain Narol says:

        Not weird, just critically addicted, in the medical sense.

        • dahools says:

          Must be addicted to cheating and getting caught as well. Oh well, each to their own.

      • Jakaze says:

        Totally not because every single DLC they could sell seperately is included in the game. For free.

    • Shinard says:

      I doubt it. I’m sure there’s some of that, but I’d bet good money both GTA V and CS:GO are always in the charts because they’re paid games with wildly successful micro transactions. DOTA 2 and TF2 don’t get counted in the charts because they’re free to play, but we see all the cash flowing through CS:GO’s marketplace in full display.

      • Dynamique says:

        Very interesting point, if that’s the case (quite a bunch of F2P-games featured in the 2016 “Top Sellers” – link to store.steampowered.com -, so it would make sense).

        BTW: I own neither CS:GO nor GTA V.

      • Premium User Badge

        jssebastian says:

        Thank you, was just about to ask if that was the real reason, that makes a lot more sense.

      • hausser0815 says:

        Nah, i was searching for the steam profile of a dude the other day with whom i played together in foxhole, and sifted trough steam players with his name to find one who had foxhole. And a lot of those players had just one game, CS:GO, a VAC Ban, and hadnt been online since they got their ban.

    • Premium User Badge

      teije says:

      John discovered the reason. Every Canadian must purchase a copy of CS:GO upon reaching the age of 18 or becoming a citizen. It’s in section 19.2 of the repatriated Constitution.

      • sagredo1632 says:

        Ever heard of dollarization? I bet there’s some third world country that has given up issuing its own currency and now transacts exclusively in CSGO keys.

    • Ghostwise says:

      As it happens, we have numbers about VAC bans. Folks should check these before repeating that urban legend in every sodding RPS Steam Charts Ranking And Comedy Minute.

    • Premium User Badge

      DelrueOfDetroit says:

      I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, every day there are hundreds of kids out there who turn old enough to play these games.

  3. AutonomyLost says:

    Hmmm, JUST earlier today I found myself browsing the Steam store page of D:OS 2 and wondering when it would be leaving early access. Now I have my answer, and I’m excited. I’ll be helping push it further up the numerical order in the next couple of weeks’ lists.

  4. Crimsoneer says:

    I’m actually really enjoying Absolver. The game is rather short, but there is loads of depth to the pvp that I’m really enjoying. Here’s hoping it gets lots more content

  5. leeder krenon says:

    charts totally redeemed by Noname.

    • Zorgulon says:

      I hadn’t heard of her before, but this was excellent. Thanks for the introduction, Steam!

  6. Premium User Badge

    particlese says:

    I was trying to figure out the message you hid in the capitalization of Plunkbat, and I ended up saying “…piss butt?” aloud on the train, immediately followed by furtive glances at my fellow passengers. Cheers.

  7. Merry says:

    Originaller surely? Originalier sounds like a regiment of soldiers armed with originals.

  8. eeguest says:

    If you still haven’t figured it out, here it is:
    Rockstar is spending money on CS:GO and Valve is spending money on GTA V. Thank you Captain Obvious.

  9. DailyFrankPeter says:

    I want this man to write my obituary – he can make any subject hilarious.

  10. Viral Frog says:

    I hate to be a pedant, John, (just kidding, I love pedantry) but the population of Canada is ~36.29 million as of 2016 census data. I would surmise that CS:GO will stop being in the top spot as soon as every last Canadian has done their duty to their country and purchased a copy of the game. Go Canada, go!

    • ooshp says:

      At the current rate of sale, this would see CS:GO dropping out of the charts around the 8th of October, if my sticky note calculations and Google assumptions are correct.

  11. Chillicothe says:

    Wait until Divinity gets its 15th sequel ala Final Fantasy.

    • Darloth says:

      It’s getting there.

      This is the… fifth, now? Oh, wait, are we supposed to count the spinoffs in a different genre? I guess final fantasy didn’t do that… though, it also has separate numerals for its sequel-sequels.

      *shrug*

  12. racccoon says:

    The only problem with steam charts is they are steam charts.