Think of the Children’s co-op parenting hits open beta

Around Christmas 2015, former Senior Scottish Correspondent Cara Ellison and I got smashed and played Who’s Your Daddy while everyone else was at the office party. It’s a competitive multiplayer game recreating the battle of wits between a dad and a baby set upon causing itself grievous harm, a struggle to keep the little idiot alive as it scoffs batteries and chugs bleach. A good time for all.

Right now, I’m looking at Think of the Children [official site]. It’s another parenting game, this one with cooperative multiplayer, about parents trying to keep kids safe everywhere from the beach to the zoo. An open-ish beta test launched yesterday so ooh I’ll have to check this out.

So! Parents have a checklist of tasks to complete but also kiddywinkles to look after. Left to their own devices, those rascals will eat berries, poke beached jellyfish, provoke a flock of seagulls, run into the road, and encounter all sorts of other hazards with all the enthusiasm that only someone unaware of (or unconcerned with) their own mortality can. So we’ll be trying to go about our business while keeping an eye on those toddling fools, ready to chase after them when needed.

Along with solo play, it supports same-screen multiplayer with up to four parents.

The game is now in open-ish beta testing. Sign up on the game’s site and you will, eventually, receive four keys – one for you, three for your parentpals. The beta is sending keys out in waves and will run until October 2nd.

The full version is due to launch later this year. It’s made by Jammed Up Studios and published by Surprise Attack.

Without the pressure of competition, perhaps Cara and I will simply sit and watch the fools kill themselves.


  1. Kefren says:

    Sounds like Mad Nurse (C64), which was one of the earliest games to use the concept of protecting death-bent children. link to
    The name Brenda Bumwash is forever ingrained in my memory.

  2. Jalan says:

    I find myself wanting more games similar to this, despite not having played it.

    Particularly something like “That Doesn’t Go in Your Eye!” and “Just Because You Can Taste It, Doesn’t Mean That It’s Food!”.

  3. Ghostwise says:

    The title of the game alone wins… something.

  4. Captain Narol says:

    I just can’t play this game, RL is enough of that kind of work already !

    I’m quite sure that almost every gamer who is also a parent will feel the same way…

    • Dogahn says:

      My RPG group played Paranoia once…
      These are fun games for people whose lives the games are not parodying.

    • BathroomCitizen says:

      Yeah, I looked at the video and I felt… so tired.