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Metal Goose Solid: this horrible goose game looks fab

Consider the goose: nature’s prick. The goose is a creature of pure wickedness, driven to intimidate and terrify. Its honk is calibrated to the resonant frequency of the human nervous system. The goose does not wish to eat your sandwiches, it simply doesn’t want you to have them. The goose hates you and wants you to hate yourself.

The majesty and terror of the goose is captured in an upcoming and yet-untitled game [official site] from House House, who gave us the Cronenbergian wrestleball of Push Me Pull You. It’s a stealthy sandbox with a goose antagonising innocent villagers, stealing their stuff, chasing them, and generally being awful. Watch this delightful vid:

“It’s a lovely weekday morning in the village,” House House explain, “and you are a horrible goose.”

The goose does seem HORRIBLE. And yet, you have to admire it. Look at the goose’s bold swagger. Observe the goose’s cunning. Note how playfully it robs. The goose is a master of its craft, and its craft is honking bastardry. Let us check the goose’s to-do list on this particular day:

  • Get into the garden
  • Get the groundskeeper wet
  • Steal the groundskeeper’s keys
  • Rake in the lake
  • Have a picnic (remember to bring: basket, thermos, sandwich, apple, cabbage, pumpkin, carrot, radio, jam)

What a magnificent monster the goose is.

To accomplish the goals, the goose sneaks, grabs, steals, and distracts, and crucially manipulates the groundskeeper into doing its bidding. That’s the highest form of goosery: causing people to do terrible things to themselves.

House House expect to launch their goose game some time in 2018. It looks to support (cooperative?) multiplayer too, which sounds wonderful. Between this and Digital Bird Playground (which I still hope will come one day?), we’re approaching a golden age of fowl games.

Disclosure: I know House House a bit. Most of ’em have stayed with The Wild Rumpus as Rumpus House pledges. They very politely tolerated this charade, even when I held a squeezy bottle of mayonnaise over one House Houser’s head, shouted “OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH”, then squeezed a great glob into his gob. What did he think would happen? Wait. Hang on. Am I humanity’s goose? Lads, we need to talk about this.

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Alice O'Connor

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When not writing news, Alice may be found in the sea.

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