Steam Charts: Time To Loot Crate Edition

The continued clotting amalgamation of the Steam Charts, with CODWARs and AssCreed Oranges mysteriously occupying multiple spaces, is having frankly dangerous effects on the column. No The Witcher 3! No GTA V! And H1Z1 seems to have been entirely forgotten by the ages! What is a running joke to do?

10. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

Thank goodness we can rely on this old stalwart to allow the opportunity to say, “Oh dear Lord, what am I going to write about this bloody game this week?”

Oh dear Lord, what am I going to write about this bloody game this week?


The pretty picture above is by the catchily named “✯XaRoCa✯ 2000$ inv”.

8. Hand Of Fate 2

Well, this has been DEALT A GOOD HAND, hasn’t it?!?!! Do you see? Do you see how I said “dealt a good hand”, a phrase that suggests reality has been kind to something, but at the same time, makes direct reference to the nature of this card-based game? It’s what we professional journalists call “a thing to say to fill up some space”.

It’s splendid to see this charting, outprofiting the usual usual suspects, and the good news is Alec rather liked it. It’s, and prepare yourself, DECKED OUT with new features.

5 and 9. Assassin’s Creed Origins

What an odd game it is. I’ve sunk an awful lot of hours into its astoundingly bland demands, as it asks me to run over to that guy and then run back to that guy, and do almost no assassinating whatsoever. And yet all the hours.

I have very much enjoyed the swimming, and indeed taking photos, and perhaps more importantly, Edwin enjoyed playing the whole thing. Matt and I also give it quite the discussing in last week’s podcast.

4. Nioh: Complete Edition

I find myself feeling like the guy at the party, sat awkwardly on the sofa and half-smiling, occasionally nodding, pretending to understand the conversation about cars or football or whatever other topic I’ve failed to properly understand. Dark Souls entirely passed me by, perhaps because of my hatred of boss fights as a concept, perhaps because, when your job is to play games, you can’t play every game. So it is that Adam’s splendid review explaining how Nioh stands out from the Dark-Souls-But… crowd makes me want to avoid eye contact and hope the conversation switches to Bake Off or something I can cope with.

It also leaves me wishing for access to a secret number of extra hours, so I can prioritise a different set of gaming options, and have gone down these paths and garnered the enjoyment so many are having with this ongoing trend. I look at Nioh and think, “Cor, that looks so impressive,” and never even for a moment consider the possibility that I’ll ever give it a go.

3. Football Manager 2018

The curse on Sports Interactive, who have made so, so much money for Sega with the Football Manager series, is that they can’t just update the names and stats of all the teams and players and then re-release last year’s game. They have to, in order not to be condemned for doing exactly that, keep tweaking at a formula they’d already gotten pretty much perfect.

Which is to say, each year they have to try to add something fairly significant that has a pretty good chance of breaking it. This year it’s stroppy players and improved staff delegation, which of course makes the game astoundingly more realistic, but according to Adam who’s playing it all the time anyway, not necessarily that much more fun to play.

2, 6 and 7. Call Of Duty: WWII

What drives you to buy the annual Call Of Duty release? I ask, because I’m intrigued to learn if there’s anyone who’s picking it up for the single player campaign.

Over the last decade and a half, that’d have been a really astoundingly dreadful reason to grab this FPS. But if there’s anything I know to be true, it’s that people furiously enjoy playing terrible games. And yet this year, it’s actually a fairly decent romp. Not one that should justify paying Activision’s ludicrously premium price for this game – if you aren’t intending to play the multiplayer, it’s a terrible deal. (They really ought to consider selling just the campaign for a tenner, for those who never want to see a loot crate.)

And of course it makes for a more confusing year, because according to Matt, the multiplayer is a bit disappointing this time out.

1. Playerunknown’s BattlegRounds

For your aural pleasure and delight, please might I suggest a moment of Aesop Rock and Kimya Dawson as The Uncluded, convincing you to donate your organs:


  1. DThor says:

    I’ve watched a bunch of gameplay of assassin’s creed on cleavage-ridden Twitch and I honestly don’t get it. It’s so…*boring*. Sure it can look pretty, but the actual presumed point of the exercise feels like a job.

    Perhaps I should be watching less cleavagy streams…

    • ThTa says:

      I got it for free with an SSD I was going to buy anyway… I regret activating it on Uplay before looking into some more gameplay, so I could’ve at least given it away to someone who cares. (Well, there are some people I trust not to mess around, and I’ve only got Child of Light and that free Watch Dogs on there, so I’ll give them temporary custody. But don’t tell Ubisoft.)

      I like sneaking around, I like stabbing folks, I like being birds, (and in the game) I like purdy jrafix, I don’t understand how it’s managed to make all of those things boring. (Okay, the graphics are still pretty, they can’t take that away. And some (presumably well-paid) people clearly obsessed about the sound.)

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      Earl-Grey says:

      Assassin’s Creed will always come up short against a pair of boobies though.
      Hell, Assassin’s Creed probably doesn’t stand a chance against a single boobie.

      So it really isn’t fair of you to pass judgement before you’ve tried is sans boobs.


      • Darth Gangrel says:

        Well, obviously, because that’s like comparing apples to oranges or melons to Assassin’s Creed Oranges. Melons win every time, lol.

  2. Sui42 says:

    srsly tho, play Dark Souls instead of AssCreed: Adventures in Copy and Paste Game Design

    Dark Souls is genuinely one of the most important games to come out this decade, even if you ‘don’t like that sort of thing’. It’s a rare game in which everything seems intentionally placed to foster exciting emergent gameplay. I genuinely think that in 50 years, when people look back on the history of gaming, Dark Souls will be one of the few games to actually get a mention in this era of bland open worlds which are sold to us with exhilarating marketing terms such as “see that boring-ass mountain? You can go up it!”

    • Mungrul says:

      I can’t help agree that Dark Souls is one of the most important games to come out in the past decade, but at the same time, for those of us who’ve played Demon’s Souls, it rankles a little.

      Put it this way: by the time Dark Souls came out, I had played so much Demon’s Souls that I was tired of the formula. I mean, I put a silly amount of time in to Demon’s Souls. I bought it twice, the NA release and the European one, and rinsed them both. I still have the wonderful guide that came with the NA release, smudgy ink and all.
      And, much like your first MMO, your first Souls game is your favourite; no other can compare.

      That and no other boss fight in history has blown my mind like Old Monk. I’m glad that no-one else took the idea and ran with it, as it makes it a very unique thing.

      Dark Souls wouldn’t exist without Demon’s Souls. But Demon’s Souls was never going to get global recognition while constrained to the PS3.

      • Sui42 says:

        never owned a PS3 ;(

        Gonna look up the monk boss fight tho…

        • Angel Dust says:

          The Spear of the Church fight in the last DS3 DLC is pretty much Old Monk 2017.

        • wackazoa says:

          PS Now has it I think, if you want to give it a try. If your not put off by streaming that is…

        • Mungrul says:

          Even looking it up, you may not understand what made it special. I’m loath to say what’s unique about it here for fear of spoiling it, but let’s just say that I only really realised what was happening in that fight when the reverse happened to me.

          Unfortunately, late on in the game’s life, it became the haunt of trolls and griefers. But for a time it was incredible. The tension of never quite knowing what you were going to get in that fight was sublime.

      • Culprit says:

        My first ‘Souls’ game was Severance: Blade of Darkness. I played through a good bit of Dark Souls, but it definitely didn’t seem to resonate quite like Severance did back in 2001.

      • fish99 says:

        As someone who played Demon’s Souls when it first appeared (we also imported the US version), I don’t really agree. Dark Souls had more fluid and meatier melee combat, it removed the pointless grind to buy grass and spices, and it removed the need to visit the Nexus to respawn enemies or level up. It also had a seamless interconnected world with more memorable areas and level variety. Dark Souls also had a fantastic expansion.

        You admit yourself you played Demon’s Souls to death, to the point where you were tired of the format.

  3. mashkeyboardgetusername says:

    I like this numbering system.

    Also, do we have any idea where in the world all these copies of playerunknownbattlegrounds are actually being bought? I ask because I occasionally check the top sellers where I am (jolly old blighty) and it hasn’t been in the top 10 for ages. Any USofA RPS’ers know if it’s selling there? Just wondering where all these copies are being sold to keep it at the top of the global charts for months and months.

    • the_rara_avis says:

      USofAer here. The current “Top Sellers”:

      1. Call of Duty®: WWII
      3. Squad
      4. Sid Meier’s Civilization V: Complete
      5. Assassin’s Creed® Origins
      6. Black Desert Online
      7. Divinity: Original Sin 2
      8. Cuphead
      9. Hand of Fate 2
      10. Nioh: Complete Edition / 仁王 Complete Edition

    • Drakhoran says:

      Mainly China:

      Just your weekly reminder on how Asia is driving PUBG to the new heights, even as US players are dropping out— Steam Spy (@Steam_Spy) October 30, 2017

    • shocked says:

      Also, do we have any idea where in the world all these copies of playerunknownbattlegrounds are actually being bought?

      It seems to be very popular in China.

  4. Freud says:

    I think I played one CoD game since it became kinda a big thing. Think it was one of the Modern Warfare ones. It was ok, extremely linear and loved to wrestle control of my camera away to show me stuff blowing up or falling over.

    Has anything changed since?

    • wackazoa says:

      I played the hell out of World at War on the PS3 when I rented it from Blockbuster (remember them?) and actually bought MW2. Havent touched a single one before or since, except for the recent beta on PC.

  5. Maxheadroom says:

    “What drives you to buy the annual Call Of Duty release?”

    Beats me. TF2, Warframe, Counter Strike. They’ve all been on my hard drive for years and I still go back to them from time to time.

    With CoD (Or battlefront for that matter) Whats the point? good or bad they’re obsolete in 8 months when the hype train gears up for the next release.

    If they’d just stuck with Modern Warfare or Black Ops I’d still be playing it, but I guess im in the minority since every new iteration makes all the money in the world

  6. vahnn says:

    A guy at work spent 10 minutes this morning trying to get me excited for CoD:WWII, also trying to convince me that it’s different from other CoD games. I kept asking questions. Eventually he got down to, “It’s basically like CoD, but WWII. Again.”

  7. Axyl says:

    Huh, I’ve been reading RPS for years and years…

    How did I not know that John dislikes Boss Fights as a concept?!
    I’m guessing this is because of the difficulty spike most boss fights represent, but I’d love to know more. :)


  8. Someoldguy says:

    Ah, that Nioh comment echoes my feelings entirely. I probably could be just about good enough to get past some boss fights and enjoy games like that if only I could clone myself. One of me could keep piling in hundreds of hours on strategy and RPG games while the other has their brain adjusted and tries to develop some hand-eye coordination and enthusiasm for boss battling and multiplayer FPS.

  9. fish99 says:

    You really should just play (and complete) a Soulsborne game John (my personal pick for you would be Bloodborne). It may well cure your hatred of boss fights, because they are by far the most exhilarating bits. Most of them are not that hard and not particularly unfair. By the end of the game you may well be fascinated with the lore too.

  10. poliovaccine says:

    Yknow, what I think keeps people buying the new Dutycalls and Sassy Creeds each year is basically the fact that we all keep talking about em. Even if we are expressing concern or outright disdain for the tired series formula, we’re still busy making a thing of it, and people will want to be in on that thing. I mean, most people who say things like “The best AssCreed was 2/Black Flag/whatever-one and it’s been all downhill from there” are the ones who’d know because they’ve played all the games as they came out.