Once a game reaches a certain level of fame and fortune, its makers can get funny ideas. Out of nowhere, they start muttering about how their game could also be an esport. And a comic book. And a cartoon. And hell, a movie. Let’s make a movie. Let’s do this. We’re going to Hollywood, baby. Tragically, some of these ‘video game movies’ have actually been made. Well, Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds is still at the start of this journey, as its makers have only just begun dreaming of the silver screen. But PUBG Corp do think their 100-player stag & hen Battle Royale totally could be a movie. Not wanting to miss out, I’ve started writing a script to pitch.PUBG Corp’s CEO, Chang Han Kim, raised these daft ideas in an interview with InvenGlobal. Asked about the future of Bluehole Studio’s splinter studio, he said:
“I’d like PUBG to become a universal media franchise based on the game. We want to take part in diverse industries including Esports, movies, drama, cartoons, animation, and more. In fact, we received a couple of love calls from a number of developers in Hollywood and Netflix. Our dream is to build a new game-based culture through various ways like this, and have the lead of that culture.”
Awful. I adore the game–and our Graham’s official Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds review is glowing too– but, aside from digital sports, this all sounds terrible. They’re not firm plans, to be clear, just ideas and dreams. Many developers have muttered similar foolishness before without getting anywhere.
However, if someone does go ahead and make a terrible Plunkbat movie, I’d kick myself if I didn’t at least try to grab some of that Tinseltown lucre. Here’s a peek at my script:
EXT. ERANGEL — FIELD — DAY
CHAD, box of fried chicken in hand, walks through the field towards BRAD. He steps over bodies, splashes in puddles of blood, kicks rifles out of his way, treads lightly across a patch of still-glowing embers, and pauses to pry a bottle of painkillers out of one corpse’s hand. CHAD reaches BRAD, who is sat upon a bale of hay clutching his head, and offers the box and bottle.
You know what they say: winner winner, chicken- aw man, my head. What did we even do last night?
CHAD looks down at the text on his t-shirt–“BEST MAN”–and frowns.
INSERT: CHAD and BRAD, arm in arm, stumble out of an aeroplane door and down the stairs to the tarmac.
I remember that we got the morning flight because it was £30 cheaper. And that we spent that £30 on miniatures off the trolley.
INSERT: CHAD and BRAD stand upright inside a taxi, their shouting heads out the windows, until the angry driver pulls over and shoos them out.
But the taxi broke down so we had to walk.
INSERT: CHAD and BRAD enter the hotel bar and are greeted by a cheering crowd of lads. Each is wearing a t-shirt bearing the title “CHODD’S FINAL TOUR”, CHODD’s visage, and one listed date: “Erangel – March 23”.
By the time we reached the hotel, Chodd and the lads had arrived and we were already three drinks behind the groom. After catching up, we hit the first club.
INSERT: CHAD and BRAD and CHODD are jumping up and down, arms linked, in a rammed club. A neon sign overhead reads “PLAYERUNKNOWN’S BOTTLEGROUNDS”.
But from there.
INSERT: The sweaty mass of CHAD, BRAD, and CHODD bumps into a hen party, spilling the BRIDE’s drink over her sash. The HENS scowl and clench their fists.
It gets hazy.
BRAD pats around his own back.
Am I wearing a parachute?
TITLE CARD: “PLUNKBAT: ORIGINS”
Call me, Brendan.