Why did the mountain climber quit his job and become a wrestler? Because he was grappling hooked.
Hello and welcome to another day of awfulness. I’m Brendan, and today we will be alleviating the weight of existence with news that Remnants of Naezith, a grappling hook platformer that looks hard as a Blackpool rock, will be coming out on February 6. It also looks like a speedrunner’s dream. Come see.
“That’s like Super Meat Boy with a grappling hook!” said my brain to me this morning, the hateful organ. “It’s faster than VVVVVV! I bet you could die hundreds of times!” Shut up, brain. I’m not playing it. I can take one look at this monster, its 80+ levels, its global rankings and leaderboards, its record-setting ghosts to compete against, its speedrun mode, its level editor, all of this, I can look at it all and know that I have already given up.
But perhaps, gentle reader, you are not so easily defeated.
It’s coming out on February 6 on Steam and will cost… *checks notes* … we don’t know how much it will cost.
Bonus chapter for game developers
Hello again. Are you a game developer sending your work to the press? Take heed of Remnants of Naezith developer Tolga Ay, whose email to us this morning is a strong example of the confident press release. Here is the entirety of his email (with Steam code censored because we want to keep it, thanks).
This is super. Right off the bat, we have a GIF. It’s not animated in this screenshot, but look, it is a good sample gif.
First line of text is the news. A release date. A hard fact. Yes, that is agreeable. Second line: a one-sentence summary of the game itself. Short and sharp. Thank you, Tolga. Third and fourth line is the Steam key, so we can play it for ourselves. This is even given its own emboldened heading, so my eye finds it straight away. Thumbs up. Final line? Links to the store page, trailer and presskit. Neatly separated by pipes.
This is how you fish for attention. The most important part, of course, is having an interesting-looking game. But if you’ve got that, this is how you should send your press releases. It took me approx 5 seconds to absorb this email and determine that it was not going in the big raging furnace we keep burning day and night at castle Shotgun. That’s right. We are kept warm by the hundreds of terrible emails we get every week. We roast them. We watch them turn to ash and it makes us feel pleasant.
But not this one. This one, we keep.