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Have You Played... Martian Gothic: Unification?

Fir Q too

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Have You Played? is an endless stream of game retrospectives. One a day, every day, perhaps for all time.

Sometimes a game is so dreadful it deserves to be commemorated seventeen years on. Martian Gothic: Unification is one such game.

I mean, just the title alone is enough. It doesn’t make sense no matter how many times you try reading it. It’s yet another title in the ongoing genre of Martian gothic horror? Otherworldly architectural styles are finally coming together? Mars has goths? We will likely never care.

Somehow published by Take-Two, this was a shameless Resident Evil rip-off, set on the surface of Mars. You “controlled” three characters, but here’s your twist, THEY MUST NEVERRRR MEEEEEEEET.

Amazingly, the game began by giving you the information:

“If one dies, they all die. But in the end, only two can survive.”

Just give that a moment to percolate. You can think about that one all day.

It didn’t work, it was buggy as hell, and farcically badly written. And most of all, it had music from, er, “Fir Q”.

PS. I’m really annoyed I’ve only just remembered this one, as it was set in 2017. Bah.

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John Walker


Once one of the original co-founders of Rock Paper Shotgun, they killed me out of jealousy. I now run

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