Steam Charts: Subnautica Edition

Aw MAN! Just when I’d started up a great new running gag for the appearance of GTA V in the charts, this week it’s fallen out! And Divinity: Original Sin 2 has finally failed to make the grade for the first time this year. However, you’ll be relieved to learn CS:GO and Plunkles don’t let us down and wearily continue their infinite reigns.

Meantime, there’s quite a nice mixture of fresh and more recently popular scattered within.

10. My Time At Portia

My time at My Time At Portia was spent toward the end of last year, when I discovered they were going to have to put an awful lot more in before it was ready for early access. It was so flaky and empty I opted not to even write about it.

Hopefully its appearance here is an indication that by this month’s release it was far more ready, and it’s receiving very positive user reviews. Time to take another look, it seems. If I can find a way to stop playing Subnautica.

9. Human: Fall Flat

My investigation into the mysterious sudden success of this year-and-a-half-old indie continues. It’s spent a solid month in the top 10 now, despite adding its crowd-pleasing multiplayer back in November. Some have suggested it’s due to sudden interest in China, others that the developer’s mums are buying it by the thousands*, but the answer isn’t clear.

I’ve chased down the devs, and trying to fight past their peculiarly thick wall of PR and publisher, am hopefully getting some answers back soon. Sometimes I stop playing Subnautica long enough to check my emails.

*it’s me who’s suggesting this

8. ELEAGUE 2018 Boston CS:GO Major Championship Mega Bundle

Yes, that’s right! You, yes YOU, can get a whole bunch of imaginary stickers for the groups of other people who play a game you like, for the low, low price of just £7.69!

Don’t hold back in spending your actual real money on pretend stickers that aren’t tangibly extant for an esport event you didn’t go to and probably didn’t get around to watching! The Boston CS:GO Major finished yesterday, and I feel absolutely certain that one of the teams almost definitely won – who knows, it wasn’t Subnautica. Don’t wear their sticker with pride, since the sticker you’re paying for doesn’t actually exist! Don’t delay!

7. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive


6. Slay The Spire

One by one, RPS is falling for Slay The Spire. First it was Adam, then Brendan, Graham, and now Alice and Matt, all wearily crawling into the Treehouse of a morning complaining about late nights and unfair bosses.

I shall protect myself in a shell of Subnautica such that no other game may get in. This way I shall survive and once again take over RPS as my own.

5. Total War: WARHAMMER II – Rise Of The Tomb Kings

I’ve checked, and checked again, but the idiotically titled Total War: WARHAMMER II – Rise Of The Tomb Kings does not feature any sequences of exploring under the sea to locate fishies and rare metals.

Thus, I am completely dumbfounded why anyone is playing it. But playing it they are, and apparently it’s quite good.

3 & 4. Dragon Ball FighterZ

You are reading about Dragon Ball FighterZ. You are happily reading about it, and not complaining that I’m writing about another game. You will buy Subnautica and play it for all time.

You will dive. Dive deep into your wallets and buy Subnautica. Subnautica is the game you want. Play Subnautica.

You are happy with this entry about Dragon Ball FighterZ and it has met all your needs.

2. Subnautica

Never heard of it.

1. Plunkbat

In a very Our Way To Fall by Yo La Tengo mood of late.

PS. Subnautica.


  1. Thomas Foolery says:

    He’s right about Subnautica, though.

  2. Megatron says:

    Delighted to see Subnautica doing so very well. Congratulations, Gamers – you’re learning!

  3. Hartford688 says:

    For CS:GO’s relentless appearance I can only guess it is bolstered by cheats getting banned and having to repurchase again and again…

    • Ghostwise says:

      People love repeating this, yes.

      • Hartford688 says:

        I do love familiar things. Comforting, like a cup of tea on a rainy day.

        • SBLux says:

          A cup of tea on a rainy day, makes my soul makes my soul, trip trip trip away.

  4. vorador says:

    Man, you missed talking about Subnautica. What a blunder.

  5. Don Reba says:

    If only Subnautica added a battle royale mode, it would surely have been first.

  6. poliovaccine says:

    I agree, Yo La Tengo is indeed the greatest living band

  7. gabrielonuris says:

    I should probably buy and play Subnautica.

    • ZippyLemon says:

      We all should probably buy and play Subnautica.

      • poliovaccine says:

        If by “Subnautica” you mean “the Yo La Tengo albums ‘Painful,’ ‘Genius + Love = Yo La Tengo,’ ‘I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass,’ ‘And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out,’ and ‘I Can Hear the Heart Beating As One,'” then yes, I totally agree.

        If by “Subnautica,” however, you mean “Subnautica” (crazy I know but hear me out), then I’d say yeah, probably that, too.

        In fact, if you’re the type who likes to add or alter soundtracks to your atmospheric games, the “Danelectro” EP by Yo La Tengo goes really super well with Subnautica haha. I’ll bet “Sounds of Science” does, too – gotta try that next. But Danelectro + Subnautica is probably my favorite custom game soundtracking since someone nodded a radio station with “Ghosts” by NIN into New Vegas… (if you’ve heard a little NIN and don’t think you dig it, don’t deprive yourself – “Ghosts is so different I hesitate to say who it’s by, cus non-fans of other Trent Reznor stuff won’t realize they’re missing something they might actually love… It’s just way different…)

        • Zack Furniss says:

          Ghosts is so good! I play it in almost all grindy/survival games if I don’t dig the music. I remember telling my girlfriend early on that I loved NIN and she thought I was some S&M-enjoying deviant with a closet full of leather. Then I showed her Ghosts and she was like “ooooooooooooooooooooooooh, I get it now.”

  8. chuckieegg says:

    Personally I’ll get round playing Subnautica once I get the sublime Yorkshire Gubbins out of my system. Its building up a groundswell and I’m quite confident that it will appear in next weeks chart.

  9. Bullfrog says:

    I think there must be some subtext here that I’m missing because this column seemed slightly off this week. Nevermind, I’ll amuse myself with these five copies of Subnautica I seem to have purchased without quite realising. Hmmm, how odd.

  10. Crusoe says:

    I love you John. But not as much as I love Subnautica.

    I have a feeling you might not hold that against me.

  11. Blackrook says:

    Seeing this I was wondering if there was a mod or a fix to allow external camera view in the subs in Subnautica.
    Looked but can’t find, must assume those nice shots above were taken by someone parking the sub in a nice place, getting out and swimming a little way and then taking a picture….

  12. Someoldguy says:

    I have to concur with your Portia assessment. I tried the demo and it lacked a lot. I trust they’ve improved it significantly before offering it as EA.

    • Danarchist says:

      I have spent hours playing Portia over the last couple days and I find it pretty charming. It is allot different than the alpha, most the stuff that was locked is now unlocked. Its by no means as good as the jacque cousteau wet dream simulator subnautica, but it is really relaxing to play. I was really surprised the first time I ended up fighting a boss in it as well.

  13. Urthman says:

    Playing Human Fall Flat split-screen coop with my daughter who is not great with a controller, and she’s playing with a character that looks like a knight in armor, running in drunken approximations of straight lines with her hands raised over her head, jumping at chest-high walls…and missing — is the funniest damn thing I’ve ever seen in a video game.

  14. tigerfort says:

    My first thought looking at the picture for #7 was “What is that, a Lego Gears of War game?”. My second thought was “actually, that could be awesome”.

  15. wackazoa says:

    Is Subnautica like Abzu? ;p

  16. Gomer_Pyle says:

    That Subnautica description was perfect, gave me a good chuckle.

  17. unga02 says:

    Nice shit post. Subnautica is a good game.

  18. Skabooga says:

    Alright, everyone can yell at me, I purchased Plunkbat this week. After months of resisting it, my friend gave me the chance to play a couple rounds while I was visiting him for the weekend.

    And it just stuck with me for the next two months until two days ago, this feeling compelled me to click that big ol’ “buy” button.

    I am the worst.

  19. Carl Sagans Ghost says:

    I will turn off my Adblocker if you stop using “Plunkbat” to describe PUBG. Or, if, you know, for some reason, you’re contractually obligated to use “Plunkbat” for PUBG, I’ll settle for an article about why you insist on using “Plunkbat” to describe PUBG, in exchange for a month of my Adblocker being turned off.

    • Carl Sagans Ghost says:

      Obviously, an article called “I call it Plunkbat to annoy people,” with a single-sentence explanation of, “I enjoy annoying people,” is enough.

      You can do more, to be sure. Just, hey, explanation.

      • John Walker says:

        How about you just turn off your adblocker so the site you clearly read a lot can hope to benefit from your reading it for free?


        • napoleonic says:

          If you were to create a Plunkbat-esque portmanteau of “John Walker”, you could be “Joker”.

          Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

      • TR`Ben says:


      • Daymare says:

        Did you know, if you say

        Plunkbat, Plunkbat, Plunkbat

        the Plunkbatman spawns and randomly headshots you from across that yard over there while you bent down to pick up that new gun that you found?

        What is this? Another player outraged by RPS’s idiosyncratic spelling?

        Plunkbatgirl! To the Plunkbatmobile!


      • Neurotic says:

        Plunk bloody Bat, Carl Sagan!

    • napoleonic says:

      He already did just that: link to

      “Alice once coined the term Plunkbat [did not! -ed.]
      It’s really good fun to say “Plunkbat”
      Try with me now
      Shout it aloud

  20. TR`Ben says:

    I have a subtle desire to play Subnautica.

  21. MajorLag says:

    Oddly I still have no desire to play Subnautica, even though I own it. I’m not even sure how I own it, but it’s been in my Steam library since forever. I’m sure I’ll get around to it eventually. Sometime after Going Down This Road Feelin’ Bad for the 50th time and finishing Pipe Push Paradise.

  22. DeadCanDance says:

    Why can’t I muster the courage to enter the caves? My sub won’t go beyond 200m and I’m shitting myself. The pad AI won’t help talking about how biodiversity is unusually low. Somebody hug me

    • Danarchist says:

      After a run in with a teleporter I didnt play for two days because it made me nervous. The fear is real

    • Synesthesia says:

      Build a moonpool, aim for the achievable depth upgrade for the seamoth. You got this.

  23. barefootwalk says:

    Concerning Human Fall Flat:

    One of Germanys largest Let’s Players recently featured the game in multiplayer on his most viewed show, and he and his friends had a blast.

    Might have turned a few heads in the german-speaking parts of the internet towards the game.

  24. Cederic says:

    Typo : “the developer’s mums”

    Unless Human Fall Flat had a solo developer with a very unusual family setup.

    • oyog says:

      You misunderstand.

      John obviously meant the developer’s sentient potted flowers.

      Which I suppose is a little unusual.

    • John Walker says:

      I meant “developer” as in “the studio that developed it”.

      Much as “publisher” doesn’t tend to imply an individual.

  25. quasiotter says:

    John, I want to be your music friend! I love Our Way To Fall! I love Yo La Tengo! I love You!

  26. Neurotic says:

    Bundlestars/Fanatical recently had Human Fall Flat very, very cheap, and also as a two-pack, so that probably helped it chart a bit.

  27. Marclev says:

    Massive single player immersive sim with well developed sci-fi story in #2 of Steam starts. This must be a dream…

  28. Plunkbat Oranges says:

    I came here for Plunkbat references and was shocked to read it described as ‘Plunkies’, which I can only assume is the name of a future ‘Plunkbat: Junior Edition’ where you fire marshmallows at each other on Rainbow Island.