It’s elf vs. elf in Total War: Warhammer II’s next DLC

The High Elven Everqueen Alarielle the Radiant wants to make everything pretty nice and nice, while the Dark Elven Crone Hellebron wants to raze everything pretty in celebrations of chaos and death. Talk about a recipe for high school drama! Can these settle their differences? Which will be crowned prom queen? Might they even become friends? Or more? We’ll get to find out in Total War: Warhammer II‘s The Queen And The Crone, the upcoming second paid DLC for The Creative Assembly’s strategy game and its first Legendary Lords pack. My money’s on them discovering they have more in common than they thought and becoming firm friends.

I’m not making all of that up, by the way. The official word is:

“Throughout the lands of Avelorn, the very presence of Everqueen Alarielle brings great joy and tranquillity to the Elven havens. Yet across the Great Ocean in the dark lands of Naggaroth, something wicked stirs. The Hag-Queen, Crone Hellebron, in a storm of jealous rage, leads forth a murderous army of Dark Elves, to extinguish all beauty from the world.”

I bet they find out the football captain has arranged separate dates with both of them on the same night, and that unites them to celebrate themselves and each other.

As with Legendary Lords DLCs for the first Total Warhammer, this will add new quests, items, skill trees, and elite units for Alarielle and Hellebron as new leaders of their respective factions.

The Queen And The Crone is due to launch on May 31st. Like Total Warhammer’s Legendary Lord packs, this will cost £6 on Steam.

“A major new content update” will launch alongside the DLC. Creative Assembly are vague on what it’ll do beyond adding the Norsca faction to the game-spanning Mortal Empires campaign. Stuff, they say.

21 Comments

  1. Premium User Badge

    Drib says:

    I know it’s supposed to be tongue-in-cheek silliness, but high school drama is pretty much like 90% of what Warhammer elves do.

    • Apologised says:

      The whole story of Aenarion and Caledor bro-ing it up literally reads like a comedy as wacky and completely stupid Aenarion proceeds to roll from one entirely obviously bad idea from another whilst continually one-upping straight-man and father of all wizardry Caledor.

      Aenerion: Look Cal! Some chaos worshipers! Let’s murder them!
      [Much slaying of the heretic]
      Aenarion: Look Cal! A female virgin sacrifice!
      Morathi: I don’t understand how you could be more wro… I MEAN YES. OH DEAR. PLEASE RESCUE ME FROM THESE TERRIBLE CULTISTS.
      Cultists: Mistress? What on earth are you talking aboARUGH MY SPLEEEEN!
      Caledor: You… you aren’t really falling for this are you?
      Aenarion: IMA GONNA RESCUE HER AND MARRY HER.
      Caledor: …*sigh*

      [later]

      CALEDOR: I AM LITERALLY CREATING THE WINDS OF MAGIC THEMSELVES! THERE’S NO. WAY. AENARION CAN TOP THIS!

      [looks over, sees Aenarion fighting four greater daemons, each the size of godzilla, one for each dark god, and winning]

      CALEDOR: …OH FOR FU[dies]

      • Imperialist says:

        This would make an excellent parody…if it didnt hew almost exactly to the lore as it does.

        Still…this should be a webcomic.

  2. Seafoam says:

    Bloody knife-ears. Although it is nice seeing them kill each other off.
    I was put off from buying this game since the only interesting faction was the ratmen. If the Norsca are added I might reconsider.

    • Cederic says:

      Norsca were added as DLC for Total Warhammer. The change in the new patch will enable people with that faction to play it in the Mortal Empire campaign DLC (which requires both Total Warhammer and Total Warhammer 2).

      If you only have TW2 then there is still no Norsca for you.

      • Seafoam says:

        Doesn’t seem like my cup of tea then. If the only options are rats, scalies, and various varieties of dainty dendrophiles then I have no interest.

        • Landiss says:

          You also have the ancient Egyptians in the previous DLC.

          • Mi-24 says:

            ^ I’ve just started playing and the Tomb Kings are pretty cool, the only downside is they tend to have loads of boring skeletons with much smaller numbers of interesting powerful units, but they’re a really cool faction in terms of their design. Their campaign objective is separate and their gameplay is different to: their army recruitment is quite different from anything I’ve played in other total war games.
            So I’d say if u were looking for an interesting faction (and don’t think that dinosaurs riding other dinosaurs holding magic swords count) then the tomb kings are a good place to start. They are dlc tho so if theyre the only faction u play im not sure its worth getting the whole game + dlc.

  3. JakeOfRavenclaw says:

    Alice posts are always my favorite posts, and this one is no exception.

    I do love how relentlessly dumb Warhammer’s aesthetic is. The fact that the high elf queen and her soldiers have big old hearts on their helmets is just hilarious to me. Definitely looking forward to finally picking up Warhammer 2 once I’ve worn out Thrones of Britannia.

    • napoleonic says:

      Alice posts are always my favorite posts, and this one is no exception.

      So say we all. She can even get me to read about Plunkbat, which normally makes my brain fall out of my head with boredom.

  4. NetharSpinos says:

    I always thought the Everqueen was tied to the Wood Elves, aka the wife of Orion (her model had butterfly wings and everything!). Is that a different Everqueen?

    • Azhrarn says:

      Ariel is the Queen of the Wood Elves, and while she’s an Avatar of Isha (and indeed wife to Orion), she’s not the same person as Alarielle the Everqueen.
      Also, Ariel is immortal, unlike Alarielle.

  5. morganjah says:

    How can you tell which elves are the females?

    • Premium User Badge

      Drib says:

      They tend to wear a bit less.

    • Vacuity729 says:

      I’ve always wondered the same about the dwarfs. They all have long beards and are unreasonably gruff and aggressive with deep voices.

      Do the female dwarfs use beard conditioner? A silky, shiny beard seems an unreliable means of identifying gender.

  6. coburnAlpha says:

    Should’ve said Blood Bowl captain has arranged separate dates.

  7. aben.aben says:

    Bah humbug, let em all elf off…

  8. SaintAn says:

    The free DLC coming with this will be Alith Anar too. Alith is my favorite character and who I wanted most, so I’m happy as long as they handle him well. Now all we need for this game is Malus, Nagash, Thanquol, and Neferata.

  9. Premium User Badge

    Ninja Dodo says:

    Seems like all this war is bad for yer elf.

  10. Mi-24 says:

    Both of these characters have some of the most ridiculous hair I have ever seen, the high elf ponytail is frankly gravity defying.

  11. DatonKallandor says:

    Please never forget that it turns out the Dark Elves were the heroes all along.

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