Steam Charts: Unblessed Edition

Unfortunately this is also how Toys R Us had to find their stock.

Thank goodness you’re here! If you weren’t to read the Steam Charts today, you would DIE.

Dreary order is restored, as Plunk once more finds its way to the #1 spot it’s lived in for over a year (minus two weeks). However, there are at least some new entries, and for a second week running, NO CS:GO! NO GTA V! NO Witcher 3! NO Skyrim! What a world.

10. House Flipper

Goodness me, just go and do some real DIY for crying out loud.

Mundane job sims are so astoundingly popular, sometimes because they’re brilliant zen-like experiences, and sometimes because people are weird. I still didn’t know into which category House Flipper fits, and thus explains its continued chart success, until I watched Matthew’s video. Oh good lord, it looks like the most boringest game of them all. Unlike Matthew’s video, which is extremely funny:

9. The Forest

Andy Murray fans create warning to Wimbledon rivals

Did you know that the UK is 13% woodland? 3.17 million hectares of the madness. Meanwhile, 5.9% of the country is built upon. (Tell that to the next arsebucket who tells you there’s “no more room”.)

I say this because I want to highlight the danger this presents to us. 13% of this nation is filled with mutant killers waiting to strip our bodies for parts in their insane tennis-based sculptures. [musical sting] The more you know.

8. Total War: Warhammer II: Total Warhammerier

You know, sometimes I look at a screenshot and just think I want to switch off games. They had their chance.

The addition of new DLC, new hordes, and a 25% discount, explains the return of gaming’s most badly titled product.

I feel bad for companies like Creative Assembly, stuck in the endless cycle of reiterating their idea for decade after decade. Shogun came out eighteen years ago, and since then they’ve made over forty-thousand new Total War games. Although saying that, with the exception of Alien: Isolation in 2014, their forays outside haven’t gone so well. Anyone remember Stormrise? Nope. Not even the people who made it remember what it was about. And who can forget Viking: Battle for Asgard? Absolutely everyone, is who. Am I going somewhere with this? No, no I am not. I am simply filling the space beneath a game about which I can’t even feign the faintest interest.

7. Moonlighter

I wish people wouldn't define me by my job.

Now this is more like it. I am completely hooked on Moonlighter, despite its relative paucity of later-game additions. I reviewed it last week, and have then continued to play it after I should have gone to bed since. There’s something therapeutic about gathering loot in the dungeons, crafting everything you need in the shops after, then selling the leftovers in your own store.

And as much as new content does grind to a grind later on, I’m still just idiotically delighted by being able to bring in 200,000 gold over a single day’s sales, then upgrading my sword and bow so the next trip to the dungeons will be even more lucrative. Very pleased to see this little oddity making the charts.

6. Dark Souls: Remastered

Blatant rip-off of Nioh.

Last week’s surprise #1 didn’t last long. I think it’s a sure sign that Dark Souls is a game franchise that just doesn’t have staying power. Seems unlikely we’ll be seeing it again after this week.

3. Raft

All games should be set at sunset.

Raft is utterly splendid, despite only just releasing into early access. There’s certainly a lot more to add to it, but the core survive-n-build premise works wonderfully, as you change your 2×2 meagre raft into a floating mansion, all the while searching for civilisation. But absolutely best of all, as a consequence of my 3 year old watching me play, he’s now LARPing the game in our garden. Indulge me:

“I just need to get some more plastic.”

“Doing some repairs, then adding some more tiles.”

This continued as we were required to take our fishing rods/hooks on a walk by the canal, and a lock became our new raft, where we spent a sunny hour or so hauling out imaginary flotsam and fishies, before some canal boats came along and attention was diverted toward becoming a lock-keeper.

Yes, he unquestionably looks like a garden gnome.

Why the family pics on the big website? Because I can, and more importantly, because I think it should be loudly celebrated and shouted about when video games not only influence outdoor play, but also when they’re violence-free and creative. (Ok, sure, shark attacks are violent, but you know what I mean.)

5, 4 & 2. Bless Online

Yup, definitely looks worth £170!

Colour me bemused. Before today I’d never heard of Bless Online. Now it’s most of the top half of the top grossing games on Steam. I absolutely flat-out cannot see why – it looks like any number of other Korean MMOs released on Steam, most of which are usually F2P. Bless definitely is not.

In fact, it’ll cost you £27 just to get the base game. Then on top of that there’s another £144 to spend on DLC at this early access launch stage. And that’ll get you just 90 days of “Premium Membership”! It seems even after spending all that money, there’s a subscription to pay.

So it must be amazing, right? Well, Steam reviews are either unbridled hate and fecal references, or people saying, “Sure it’s terrible, but…”. It doesn’t appear to have had a single review from any known gaming site. And yet, here it is, at #5, #4 and #2 this week.

Humanity is a mystery that shall never be solved.

1. Plunkbat

Today is a Fink day.

The Steam Charts are compiled via Steam’s internal charts of the highest grossing games on Steam over the previous week.

41 Comments

  1. AbyssUK says:

    “because I think it should be loudly celebrated and shouted about when video games not only influence outdoor play, but also when they’re violence-free and creative”

    Yes, could not agree more. Computer games as a medium to inspire children to get out into the real world and “do stuff” is greatly under appreciated imho. Plants vs. zombies really helped get my 7 year old into making a little veg patch for instance (slugs = zombies btw )

    • brucethemoose says:

      And non violence!

      When I have kids, I want to see more games that don’t involve chopping or shooting something’s head off.

      • Kingseeker Camargo says:

        My daughter is 16 now and just last week we were talking about how some of our fondest memories of the old days involve her sitting on my lap being around 6 years old, manning the mouse with me on keyboard duty, running around in Fallout 3 blowing up ghouls’ heads. Anything can be a beautiful parental bonding experience, no matter how ridiculously gory.

        • Hoot says:

          This. My 5 year old niece still asks me to boot DOOM up every time she comes over. I let her be the “trigger” and she was positively delighted every time she blew an Imps face off or rammed a Cacodemon’s heart down it’s own throat.

          On the other hand she was equally happy watching me play Ori and the Blind Forest.

          Obviously she knows no matter what he game it’s all just make believe. She’s a smart kid.

    • apa says:

      I clearly don’t play enough when the little one is around – she has not played “playing computer games”! My playing obviously refers to playing computer games.

    • eric_the_zookeeper says:

      Not just kids. Games have inspired me through my life to be a better person. Without the Sims I would never have realised that when I’m tired I could just go to bed, or if I stink I could just take a shower.

      It also taught me to check to make sure that swimming pools have a ladder to get out.

  2. brucethemoose says:

    So it must be amazing, right? Well, Steam reviews are either unbridled hate and fecal references, or people saying, “Sure it’s terrible, but…” It doesn’t appear to have had a single review from any known gaming site. And yet, here it is, at #5, #4 and #2 this week.

    Any press is good press.

    Publish a Steam game that’s literally a blank download, get it circulating on YouTube/Twitch enough, and you could make a killing. Attention is everything.

  3. mitrovarr says:

    Guess the lawsuit didn’t slow people down with PUBG. I thought it might.

  4. napoleonic says:

    I feel bad for companies like Creative Assembly, stuck in the endless cycle of reiterating their idea for decade after decade.

    Like the Steam Charts?

    Ha no, this was a good instalment.

  5. Beefenstein says:

    I have no interest in MMORPGs but for some reason a review of Bless popped up on my YT recommendededededs — link to youtube.com

    A picture of prettiness is not even partially painted.

  6. Someoldguy says:

    I’m delighted whenever a game fires up the imagination of mini-me. He’s got an encyclopaedic knowledge of Dinosaurs from LEGO Jurassic Park plus the books that he was only interested in reading after he played. He can talk knowledgeably about volcanoes and plate tectonics thanks initially to being excited by all the lava in Minecraft etc. Unfortunately getting him off the device to go outside without threatening its removal for extended periods is getting harder as he ages. Set those boundaries about gaming time early or live to regret it!

    I’m completely baffled as to why the launch of Bless in EU/US should see such sales figures. It definitely looks like a complete turkey and reaching the level cap apparently takes mere hours.

    • John Walker says:

      I’m dreading the point when we need to start regulating game time. “Stop playing video games and go outside! Now I’m off back to my study to carry on playing video games so you can eat.”

      It will make zero sense to him at any point.

      • April March says:

        Considering how many adults can’t wrap their heads around that…

      • Someoldguy says:

        I have exactly that problem because I like to have an idle game on the go to tab to occasionally while I sit and work, in between helping with his homework after school and fulfilling seemingly endless requests for more food. In his mind it all gets conflated into my playing games all afternoon. Of course it’ll be even worse when the game is your work.

      • Neurotic says:

        I had the same problem until my kids reached about 6 or 7. As someone who writes about games for fun, and proofreads and edits them professionally, there’s always something game-related on my screens. The problem once they finally accept that you’re really working and not just mucking about becomes one of, ‘Well, I’d like to play Game X, which doesn’t really run well on mummy’s laptop or [insert other thing here], so can I play it on your super-duper ‘work’ machine?’ This does tend to result in lots of tiring ‘No’ conversations, which later yet become ‘Are you tired yet daddy? Would you like to take a break?’ (hint hint). :D

  7. Premium User Badge

    Lo says:

    What an adorable kid! :D

  8. Person of Interest says:

    Thanks for sharing the Toby photos. As a new parent myself, I will never tire from reading stories about young’ns’ positive experiences with video games. Your son seems especially clever for his age!

  9. April March says:

    I don’t think a game sneaking up into the top charts despite being unknown to videogame media is strange or maddening. Word of mouth has always been a big factor in this industry. It getting there when most of the reviews describe it as 💩, though – that’s a bit strange.

    • John Walker says:

      Well yes, that’s my point. It’s not just that it’s received little coverage – it’s that it’s also a seemingly poor MMO like the other 20 billion on Steam.

      • Neurotic says:

        This is very interesting to me, as someone who plays lots of MMOGs and tends to spend as much time on MMOG-related sites as I do on RPS and PCG. It has ever been the case that RPS does not really get involved in MMOGs and so on. If news of an MMORPG or whatevs ‘breaks through’ into RPS’s zone of awareness, it is usually met with some bemusement or surprise. However, if you follow any MMOG-specific websites and blogs (Massivelyop or mmorpg dot com, for example), this kind of thing is obviously not so surprising. For example, I’ve known about Bless for a long time now, and have been following with my own amusement it’s very chequered development history.

        The other side of this coin is, of course, that when a ‘normal’ game has a strong online component, the MMOG sites can often seem bemused and only slightly informed about it. Plunkbat is a good example of a game that has, in places, fallen slightly between the two stools.

        What I’ve always longed to see is a stronger awareness of MMORPGs at RPS — even just a column in the old Sutherns/Rossageroll ‘Netware’ tradition would be great.

  10. Cederic says:

    There is no more room. If there were room we wouldn’t have a housing shortage and we wouldn’t be building on the scant stretches of undeveloped land still left in England.

    But hey, I don’t have kids, so maybe I shouldn’t care about protecting the countryside. I’ve seen it already.

    • Pharaoh Nanjulian says:

      Alas, this is not the case.

      A (perceived) lack of housing is from Thatcher creating the idea that ownership is all, and so hiving us off from the rest of Europe where renting is the norm (with suitable protections). Houses thus become ‘investments’ rather than homes and money trumps somewhere to live. At least a third of homeowners could not afford to buy their houses at ‘market rates’.

      There are 1,000,000 empty houses in the UK at any one time, with 300,000 classed as ‘long term empty’ according to Empty Homes UK. We have a huge problem with land-banking.

      Housing developers make enormous profits building car-dependent estates of extremely low build quality, and promulgate the idea of the ‘housing ladder’ to increase consumption of their tiny, flimsy, horrid dormitories.

      Our problem is not a lack of land.

    • Beefenstein says:

      “There is no more room.”

      Is that true to you because it is the truth, or is it true to you because it legitimises your dislike of people arriving to this country in order to live and work?

      • Cederic says:

        It’s true because I live in England and can see the overcrowding first hand. I’ve seen the roads become increasingly busy and gridlocked. I’ve seen public transport struggle. I’ve seen house prices continue to rocket beyond reasonable levels. I’ve seen fields, forests, scrubland all built over.

        I kind of like England as it was 20 years ago, with 20 million fewer people. Who those people are isn’t the primary driver here, the sheer volume of them is.

        Lets hope John keeps his stats to hand so that he can help his grandkids understand why they can travel from Chelmsford to Reading without ever seeing farmland, or travel from Wolverhampton to Coventry without seeing a wood.

        • Grovester says:

          Sorry but that is absolute and utter cobblers.
          There is tons of farmland between Chelmsford and Reading. The entire strech of M4 between Reading and Slough is farmland. Quite a bit of the land between Slough and the M25 is farmland. There are even sheep there, munching happily on the grass.

          The M25 is almost entirely surrounded by farmland.

          As for the woods point, that’s irrelevant. It’s all farmland. Arguably, there should be more houses and more wild land, rather than farmland (as farmland sucks for wildlife, biodiversity etc). Our friends in the EU, such as Germany, seem to do this much better, weirdly.

          Have you never heard of the green belt? This “country is full” bullshit is exactly that; bullshit.

          • Cederic says:

            You clearly missed me referencing the children of a current three year old.

            Yes, the green belt is there. No, it’s not going to last. We’re losing enough of it around my village for over 500 new houses in the next couple of years. I like living in a village, I don’t want it to become a suburb of the town the edge of which was 4 miles away when I moved in and is already under 2 1/2 miles away now.

            As for Germany, they have a population density half that of England. The villages I lived in there are still the same size they were 30 years ago. That just doesn’t happen in England.

        • John Walker says:

          Yeah, who would let the actual facts get in the way of his own imagination? I’ll make sure to tell my grandkids what you think is happening, rather than anything that is!

          England is SEVENTY THREE PERCENT farmland! You think it’s running out?!

          Sorry, but your own unpleasant perspective doesn’t have any influence on reality. Unless, and do tell me if it’s the case, you believe that all official statistics are wildly inaccurate lies?

          • Cederic says:

            Yes, I do.

            Over 1/8 of England is built on. That’s an insanely high proportion for a country that isn’t a city state. 73% of the land being farmland isn’t exactly a winning argument either, this leaves less than 15% of the country in a natural state. Just 15%. And you want more people, higher population, greater demands on that space?

            You may like living in the middle of a stinking filthy city surrounded by noisy people day and night. I do not.

            I’m also curious what you consider to be an ‘unpleasant perspective’ here. Liking natural countryside is unpleasant?!

    • John Walker says:

      I mean, I literally just gave you the stats and the links to the stats that prove that’s complete bullshit, but you be you.

      • Themadcow says:

        It’s not really bullshit, because everything is relative and the UK has the 3rd highest population density in the EU – despite fairly large empty expanses in Scotland, Wales and the Eastern counties.

        link to ec.europa.eu

        Stats can really say whatever you want them to.

        • Someoldguy says:

          It always depends on the approach you take to the question. We are unquestionably nowhere near self-sufficient in food production for our current population and our large scale infrastructure (transport, schools, hospitals, GP surgeries etc) are overstretched already. On the other hand, much of the country is green. Even in areas of high population density like London there is significant green space. Modern urban planning makes it clear that this is pretty essential. Ecologists and environmentalists make a very good case for the UK needing more non-agricultural green space.

          • Grovester says:

            Our large scale infrastructure is stretched thanks to successive Tory governments starving them of funds, and putting them in the hands of private firms who run them for profit rather than investment.

            It’s nothing to do with the number of people. Tax revenues have been increasing year on year (in real terms), investment hasn’t.

            Please cut it out with the UKIP bullshit.

        • John Walker says:

          No, stats can’t do that. They can just say the facts. England is 8.8% built on, whether you like it or not.

          But let me just take a wild guess on your position on immigration…

          • Themadcow says:

            You might want to take my perspecitve on stats as someone with degrees in the subject and 20 years of research experience. Just as I’d be inclined to look favourably on your knowledge of the gaming industry despite being an experienced hobbyist myself.

            Incidentally, my wife is a Slovakian immigrant to the UK and most of my family migrated from the UK to elsewhere in the EU. Immigration is mostly great, but needs the right jobs protections and infrastructure conditions in place.

  11. and its man says:

    oh sighs.
    How I want a three-year-old to play the Everythings, Bokidas, KSPs and Subnauticas with.
    I’m going to grab some sexy outfit, doll myself up and wait for my wife to get back from work.

  12. TheAngriestHobo says:

    If you weren’t to read the Steam Charts today, you would DIE.

    Crap, I read it tomorrow.

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