I know what you’re up to, “videogames”. I see you. I see what’s happening here. You think you’re getting away with it, but not on my watch buddy. Not on my foil-wrapped watch. Here are the top 10 games to watch out for this week.
Yeah, well, I think we can all see what’s going on here. “Learn to live on a plank of wood,” says the game, made by The Man. Sure, let’s all just pretend that there’s some romantic ideal to living on a 2×2 metre square, get everyone used to that, living on scraps, in the sea.
We can see where this is heading. Conditioning. CONDITIONING. You just wait, you just look out for when the government starts telling you that your house is too big, and starts leaving planks outside your front door. You’ll see.
Nice try, “Devolver”. (It’s no coincidence their name is an anagram of “REVOLVED”, which just happens to also be another way to say “anagram”.) I see what they’re doing here, with their cutesy bullet as a hero.
We’re supposed to be thinking, “What is this?! They’re trying to make bullets seem nice! Is this a project by the NRA or something?!” But it’s reverse psychology, sheeple, don’t be falling for this! They’re trying to make you MORE AFRAID of bullets by making you think they want you to think bullets are friendly, so they can control you even more effectively when the time comes.
It won’t come as a surprise to anyone that “Jurassic World Evolution” is an anagram of “LUDICROUS JANITOR WOLVES” and “JUDICIOUS LOVELORN WARTS”. We see what’s going on here. And yes, wouldn’t it be so much fun if someone were genetically engineering dinosaurs? Ha ha! What a lark!
EXCEPT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THAT. So they can carry on genetically engineering liberal Hollywood elites and you blind idiots don’t even care.
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Remember when clicks were worth something? When you could sell your clicks on the open market? No, of course you don’t, because of the successful brainwashing from Playsaurus and other so-called “developers”.
Now people just give away their clicks for free, so that they can be harvested by games like Clicker Heroes 2, and used to help Hilary Clinton hide all her hundreds of thousands of emails.
Let’s just break this one down, shall we?
Islands = Isles = I’ll
Of = Concerning
Nyne = Nine
Battle = War
Royale = “custard cut into shapes and used as a garnish in soups”
So what have we got?
“I’ll concerning nine war evil soup custard.”
Yeah, I think we can all see what that means.
Well we all know this is just a conspiracy to stop you from spending your £25 (and this week it’s down to £16.50/$20) on non-fourth-dimensional developed products. (We know you’re lizard people, Rockstar – we know.) But They can’t stop us.
What’s Another Thing You Could Buy Instead Of GTA V Again?
5 & 2. Plunkbat
The music the government really doesn’t want you listening to this week is Meursault’s Klopfgeist:
How did an unreleased game that’s been out on console for over half a year, priced at a ridiculous £50, sell enough to knock Plunkbat from the #1 spot for two weeks running?
Well why don’t we ask the so-called “players”, eh? As if Steam has any actual customers. It’s blatantly a bunch of sockpuppets imposing their values on us, the ordinary people, to trick our poor children into believing in the ridiculous conspiracy of “videogames”. It’s time to call BS on this whole charade once and for all.
The Steam Charts are “compiled” via Steam’s so-called internal charts of the highest grossing games (that the EU is willing to let you know about) on Steam over the previous “week”.