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Have You Played... Cluedo Chronicles: Fatal Illusion?

Notably lacking in Tim Curry

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I want to be up front here and say that this game is terrible when measured by most conventional metrics. Thankfully there are many metrics by which Cluedo Chronicles: Fatal Illusion gets full marks:

  • Being a first person, narrative adaptation of the Cluedo board game
  • Having bendy character models with apparently no bones in their arms or shoulders
  • Featuring the best worst German accent you’ve ever heard
  • Also featuring the best worst Russian accent you’ve ever heard
  • Seriously, Marina Popov (her name is Marina Popov) did not come to play
  • Giving the murder victim the name Ian Masque
  • Somehow ripping off several famous murder mysteries at once and still being a bad whodunnit
  • Writing Rev. Green in a way that manages to give off a kind of Ross from Friends MRA vibe
  • Being set in the late 30s but featuring behaviours, clothing, set dressing etc. up to approximately 20 years either side of that.
  • Having an artist who paints the future many years before Heroes happened
  • Somehow needing three CDs to fit on upon release
  • “Shershay la fem, as the French say.” I do not think the French say that
  • Being the first of three planned such games, but being so bad that the other two were never made

I could not get decent screens of this, so the header picture is part of the back of the game case that I found scanned into a wikia. Everything in the first sentence of that blub is a lie.

You can, thank god, still buy physical copies of this from e.g. eBay.

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Alice Bell

Deputy Editor

RPS's dep ed. Small person powered by tea and and enthusiasm for video game romances. Send me interesting etymological facts and cool horror games.

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